Echoes in the Dark
by x-Maisy-x
Summary: After the loss of a loved one, Lucas and Peyton struggle to navigate their way through grief and love. Self doubt and insecurities test their relationship to the limit. Will they overcome the darkness that haunts them and get the happily ever after that they deserve? A/U L&P of course. M for a reason.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N ** So my intention is for this to be a chapter fic. I've got two unfinished stories that have long been abandoned and I've not written anything on here in ages. I lost that writing bug for a long while but I'm hoping it's back and that this story will be different so I can see it out till the end! We'll see!-I've had it in the works for a while now so fingers crossed. Let me know what you think.

He peered around the door, silently taking her in.

Brooke had forewarned him that she wasn't exactly coping but with that in mind he'd been expecting a mess. She wasn't though. She wasn't the blubbering mess he'd been anticipating at all on the plane ride here. If anything he would have described her as overly pristine in that moment. Her hair had been straightened and was half up half down, she was donning a black dress that left her shoulders bare. She was put together. Perhaps more so than normal even.

Frowning he quietly walked into her childhood room, gently letting his holdall down and shutting the door.

It had been a whirlwind forty eight hours. He'd gotten the call from Brooke in the middle of a book signing and had been quick to abandon his busy schedule and hop on the next plane out of London. Two connecting flights and a whole lot of waiting around later he'd finally made it to Tree Hill.

She hadn't moved, seemingly deaf to his entrance.

'Baby' His voice cut through the space between them and she glanced up briefly.

'Oh you're here'

'I got here as quickly as I could' He stood behind her, his arms slipping round her svelte waist and enveloping her.

She didn't sink back into him as usual. She was rigid, on guard and he wanted to save her. Take this away for her. Make it all better. He kissed her shoulder. 'Why didn't you call? Why didn't you tell me?' He murmured.

'Do you think white or red flowers? White right?'

'Peyton'

'Red isn't right, it's associated with romance but white is so stereotypical...so ordinary...he wasn't ordinary he was extra ordinary'

He opened his mouth but she was speaking again before he could respond.

'I don't know if there's enough food for after-'

'Haley's sorted food, Brooke's taking care of the flowers' She turned toward the bed and out of his hold but he took her hands and obstructed her from looking at the service programme that was laid on the duvet covers. She trembled notably under his touch.

'Luke' She tried to shrug him off but he held steady.

'Hey. Don't push me away' a hand left her arm to tilt her face to look up at him. 'I'm here now. I'm here' He brushed her hair back and she could see the tears in his eyes and resented him for them. 'I'm so sorry' He pressed their foreheads together and swaddled her in his safe arms again. 'You told me everything was okay'

'I didn't want to make you come back for me' She whispered.

'This is where I want to be. Here with you, whenever you need me' He declared honestly.

'We knew it was going to happen right?'

'That doesn't make this easy' He hoarsely muttered. It's not easy for him either. He knew this man, loved this man, hell her Dad was a better father figure to him than his own.

She looked down. She knew he was awaiting her tears but she couldn't cry. She didn't know what was wrong with her. She'd cried non-stop for a whole week when she'd found out he was ill but now that he was gone there was nothing. She thought perhaps it was yet to sink in, was anticipating the relentless tears that were sure to come.

But she feared that her inability to cry, her stoney eyes and numb heart had a big something to do with the documents she'd stumbled on two hours before her father's death. The adoption papers that informed her of her entrance into the world. The papers that had her mind reeling. Who was she? Who were Larry and Anna Sawyer? What else was being hidden from her? Had she known them at all?

Her head pounded with the onslaught of unanswered questions.

So she couldn't cry. Because anger bubbled in the pit of her stomach because how dare he go without explaining? How dare he leave her? And that anger was a catalyst to the guilt that lodged its way in the back of her throat, the two emotions resulting in her tumultuous state.

Lucas ran his hand repetitively through her straightened hair.

And she wanted him to stop. Stop looking at her like she was broken. Wanted him to pretend with her that this wasn't happening at all.

'Make it go away' She pleaded, abruptly turning to face him with a sudden determination in her eyes. He could make it go away. The only one. She kissed the underside of his chin. He'd not had time to shave and the slight stubble there scratched at her porcelain skin. She inhaled. She loved that smell, that familiar Lucas smell. Loved him. So much it hurt sometimes. 'Please'

'Peyt' His brow furrowed and she knew what his expression meant, it meant no. It meant this isn't the time for that. 'I don't think-'

'You're the only one that can make it go away Luke' She cut him off. 'I don't need you to feed me some lame ass excuse about how I'm fragile and not emotionally stable. I know all of that and I just want to fucking forget about it and you can do that, you can make me forget for a little while'

And he couldn't say no to her. Not to that.

He cradled her face then.

'I love you' He professed.

'I know' Her brow furrowed slightly because she was thinking. Thinking far too much. Thinking about the people that had said that to her before. Thinking about her parents. Only she didn't have her parents anymore. And she wasn't so sure she even ever knew who they were any way.

'We'll get through this'

She wanted to yell that there was no "We" about it. He wasn't the one that had lost his mother at nine. He wasn't the one that had just lost his father. He wasn't the one that had just found out his parents weren't actually his parents.

But she knew her thoughts were unreasonable; she wasn't the only one that had faced struggles growing up. He'd lived through his fair share of difficulties. And she didn't want to argue. She didn't have the strength.

She wanted to forget.

So she nodded instead. And he kissed her. And she expected to have to coax him into this a bit more. She expected soft hands and gentle touches and delicate kisses. He kissed her assertively. And it was in that moment that she was reminded of how well he knew her. Because he was giving her exactly what she wanted, exactly what she needed. He was treating her like her father hadn't just died but instead like he'd not seen her in three weeks and wanted to ravish her senseless.

And that alone made her stomach knot with guilt because she wanted to be pissed at him because he was the only person close enough for her to take this all out on. There was no one else now. Just him. She clung to him fiercely. Kissed the side of his mouth. A silent apology for her thoughts. Sometimes she was sure he could see inside her head, sure he could read her thoughts. That both thrilled her and terrified her.

'It's alright' He assured her. 'I've got you' He whispered into he ear.

The back of her legs hit the bottom of the bed and he lowered her back onto the mattress. His large hands easily shifted her further up the bed, discreetly pushing the service programme off the bed and out of view as he did so.

The bedspread beneath them made him nostalgic; for an instant he felt like they were seventeen again. A time when his favourite pastime was to make out with her on this very bed.

But her hands didn't belong to a seventeen year old. They were well versed in the art of seduction, knew every part of him as though he were an intrinsic part of her own body.

Teenage lust no longer governed them, that part of their youth was long gone but they'd made it through to the other side. Made it to a young adult world. And up until now that world had seemed pretty great.

Her skilled fingers jerked his belt free and he wanted to slow this down and tenderly whisper sweet nothings but she didn't want that. He knew her so completely, knew she didn't want pandering to. No, she just wanted to forget. And he never wanted _this_ to be like that. But he'd give her anything she demanded. So he hiked her dress up and as her nails dug into his back insistently he pushed into her. She bit her lip, stifling a whimper and her eyes closed shut. He swallowed thickly because it didn't matter how many times they did this, it never got old, he would never get tired of being with her like this. He took a moment, wanted to give her a second to acclimatise to his presence because she might have wanted rough but he knew that she needed a second even if she disagreed.

'Luke' she squeezed her legs around him, her heels pressing urgently into his lower back.

'Open your eyes' It would be his only insistence if he were to give her what she wanted because he wasn't about to let her exclude him.

She turned her head to the side and scrunched he eyes tight together.

She didn't get to use him in this way and push him away. He hooked his hand under her chin, jerking her head back to face him. 'Open your eyes'

His gruff tone tempted her lids to flutter open begrudgingly.

'Don't do that. You can't hide from me. Not when we're like this' He breathed, both his hands moving to cup her face and his thumbs soothingly drawing circles on her flushed cheeks. Her void eyes concerned him. She'd never been much of a sharer, something he'd long decided was a defence mechanism that had been put in place since her mothers untimely death when she was just a child. But it had never proved much of a problem because he could read her but right now he was struggling to tell what was going on behind her mesmerising eyes of green. 'I love you'

'I love you' She repeated with a little nod, her nose inadvertently brushing against his. 'I'm sorry' She whispered. 'I'm sorry'

He shook his head. He didn't want her apologies he just wanted her to stay with him in this. He gently withdrew and she whimpered as he rocked forward again, his forehead resting against hers. And he pinned her hands above her head and gave her exactly what she wanted, annihilating the reality of their present situation and instead taking them to somewhere else completely. And he wanted to keep her there, in that place where only they existed and there was nothing but bliss. Because he was scared, scared about what the next few days would hold, scared about how he was going to get her through this. But he didn't have a choice. Because he'd made a choice a long time ago now, he'd made his choice; she was his choice, she was the one he wanted beside him when his dreams came true and she was the one he wanted beside him if they didn't.


	2. Chapter 2

**3 Months Later**

Black dress. Green dress. Black dress. Green Dress.

She shifted her weight as she held each dress up to herself.

She wanted to look perfect.

It was his birthday.

They were all sitting in the living area. They were all waiting for her. They were all going to be late for their reservation at this rate and it was all her fault.

It'd been her fault a lot lately.

She kept fucking up. Kept running late. Kept missing things altogether; a combination of working long hours and exhaustion.

It was only little things but she hated letting him down because he was all that mattered.

And he was always so understanding. So forgiving. And sometimes she wished he'd just shout at her or something because she was sure he was just harbouring it all beneath the surface.

'Honey?' Brooke's raspy voice garnered her attention. The brunette peered round the door. 'I bring wine'

Peyton forced a smile as her best friend walked further into her bedroom and set the glasses down on the chest of draws.

'Thanks B. I'm sorry. I'll be done in a sec' She promised, aware that she was only clad in her underwear.

'It's alright. They're all just chatting and having a drink out there'

'Is Luke pissed?'

'At you? Never' Brooke dropped onto the bed.

'Yeah I'm not so sure about that' Peyton grumbled back.

Brooke watched her through narrowed eyes. Scanning. Trying to read.

They weren't alike.

Not alike at all.

Brooke was open. Of course not with just anyone but with her best friend, she divulged all.

Peyton, Peyton was not so open.

Brooke had to work hard at getting through the thick layer of skin that embodied Peyton Sawyer.

'Honey, is everything alright?'

'Mhm' The blonde answered vaguely, emptying a lingerie bag onto the bed.

Brooke's eyes hesitantly left her friend's face and fell to the silky contents that lay on the bed.

'What do you think he'll prefer?'

'Wow, you really are putting out all the stops for the birthday boy'

'I just, I need...I want him to want me'

'When hasn't he ever wanted you sweetie?' Brooke nudged her with her foot playfully. 'You could be wearing a pillowcase and he'd still only have eyes for you'

'Not helping'

Brooke surveyed the options. 'This' she threw a strapless corset at her. 'With the black dress. He was almost drawling when you wore that at new years' She laughed as she watched a predictable pink blush work its way up Peyton's cheeks and then the leggy blonde disappeared inside her closet. 'Everything ok at work? Luke says you've been run off your feet lately'

'See. He pretends he's not pissed off but he makes comments like that' Her voice muffled from the walk in wardrobe.

'It wasn't said like that. He worries about you that's all. It's not been that long since the funeral really, he thought maybe you'd want to take some time before coming back here to the hustle and bustle of the big apple'

'He has nothing to worry about'

'You know Luke. He just wants to look after you, be your knight in shining armour'

'Yeah well putting in a few extra hours isn't going to kill me is it?'

'No, but if you get any skinnier I'll be hiring you your own personal chef to wait on you' The blondes quiet chuckle sounded. 'You think I'm joking- I'm really not'

Peyton reappeared fully dressed then. 'That won't be necessary but thanks' She murmured whilst looking at herself critically in the full mirror.

'I'd totally do you' Brooke quipped.

Peyton laughed and took a sip of the wine on the side.

'That's not much consolation B; I love you but you're not really the person I want to totally do me'

'Please, you don't need any assurance. You look hot' The brunette rolled her eyes at her friends sudden lapse in confidence.

'You think?'

'What's wrong with you? You're being weird' Brooke looked at her with narrowed eyes.

'I'm not'

'Are too'

She looked down. Everyone kept saying that. Even if it wasn't to her face or said out loud. She could read it in their expressions as they regarded her. But she was doing her best. She was trying to be normal but it was hard when her closest friends knew her so well.

She sighed. 'I just...do you think...we've been together for a long while'

'Forever' Brooke affirmed.

'Right, so do you think...' She paused, she knew her next words would be disregarded but they were her concerns and her friend wanted honesty so honesty she'd get. '...maybe we're at that point where it's like make or break, like is he going to get bored with me?'

Brooke stood up, shaking her head as predicted while grabbing for Peyton's hands. 'What the hell has got you thinking this crap, has someone been saying stuff to you?'

'No- I just- there's this girl at work, Katie, she was with her boyfriend eight years and then last month he announced that he loved her but it wasn't the same anymore and he'd fallen for someone else and that he hoped they could still be friends. He's now engaged to this girl that he met running in central park, who's like barely out of high school'

'That's screwed up and has zero to do with you and Luke. He fucks you with his eyes all the time- it's pretty gross actually. Wait. Are you talking about you, are you interested in someone else-'

'What? No. God no. Of course not. He's it. You know that. No one else. Ever. I love Luke.' It wasn't her feelings she was concerned about. 'I just guess I'm having a midlife crisis'

'Peyt you're twenty five not fifty' She stroked Peyton's arm soothingly. 'Lucas is as besotted with you now as he was at fifteen. Honey I know you're dad's death has thrown you for a loop, that's only natural...but you don't have to hide what you're feeling from him because you're worried he's going to get tired of you. You're allowed to be upset.'

'I know that' She murmured softly.

'He won't leave. However hard it gets. It's not healthy for you to just pretend that you're fine'

'I am fine though' Peyton forced a smile and nodded and Brooke wasn't the least bit convinced that she was fine, nor was she convinced that she'd managed to reassure her friend but it was progress considering Peyton's reluctance to share her feelings as of late.

'Come on Missy, I think you need a serious night out' She abruptly yanked her toward the door with a bright smile.

* * *

><p>'Mmm. You look hot' The words left Lucas' mouth before he had time to register that they were surrounded by friends, a fact that would usually have him keeping such statements contained until they were alone.<p>

'Okay I'm starting to feel like this is more a party of two event' Nathan groaned, elbowing his brother in the side.

Lucas grunted but didn't take his eyes off of Peyton to reprimand his brother, instead he agreed. 'Yeah. You guys should go on ahead-'

'Lucas' Peyton blushed, swatting his reaching fingers away.

'What?' He exclaimed indignantly. 'You expect me to keep my hands to myself when you look like that. Come on' He whines. 'It's my birthday'

She rolled her eyes, but indulged him, perching herself on his knee because it was his birthday and she was sorry for not being herself lately and she wanted him to be happy, today of all days.

'See' Brooke looked at Peyton expectantly. 'Eye fucking you all the time' she crudely announced.

'What?' Lucas snorted on his beer.

Peyton bit her lip and shook her head embarrassedly with a quite exhale of 'Brooke'

'What? He is'

'I'm what?' Lucas whined.

'Fucking her with your eyes'

'Oh god. Can we just leave already and try and have a civilised evening' Haley complained.

Nathan laughed at his wife's prudishness and dragged her in the direction of the door. 'We'll meet you in the taxi big brother. But if you're not out in five we're going with out you'

Lucas chuckled as their three friends vacated the apartment, leaving them alone for a minute.

Peyton twisted herself on his lap, turning her head to look at him shyly.

'You alright?' He inquired, pushing a stray hair behind her ear.

She smiled, simultaneously rolling her eyes. 'Luke' She scorned softly.

'What? If you don't feel like going out, we really don't have to. I mean, I'd really be happy to let them just go and we can just stay here' He wriggled his eyebrows comically and despite his not so subtle suggestion, she knew that his comment was really just a clever way of him asking if she were okay without actually asking it for a second time.

'Luke, I'm fine. We're going. Your brother and Hales have flown in from Tree Hill especially and you want to ditch them?'

'Okay, okay. Point taken' He held his hands up defensively. 'You can't blame me for wanting you all to myself'

'Later' She left a lingering kiss on his lips, a promise of things to come. 'Come on, Haley will be beside herself imagining what we're doing in here'

* * *

><p>'Mmm I've been waiting all night' He groaned, pulling her back against his chest. 'For you'<p>

She smiled, melting back against him. They were in their room, both panting, partly from their hurried ascent up to their floor but mostly from their inability to separate their mouths from each other.

He'd not waited a second. The moment they'ed parted ways from their friends and exited the taxi he'd pounced.

'Did you have a good evening?' She slid from his embrace and walked over to the dressing table.

'Mhm' He uttered unevenly, sitting on the edge of the bed. They'd consumed a sufficient amount of alcohol between them and his usual ability to multitask was reduced somewhat; listening and mentally planning the quickest way to get her out of her clothes did not go hand in hand, that being said, he wasn't paying much attention to her words.

'I know Brooke wouldn't have cause she's got work in the morning but do you think we should have asked Nate and Hales back here for a drink or something?' She unhooked her dangling earrings and placed them in her jewellery box 'I mean they came all this way...' She looked back at him when she received no response and instantly knew where his mind was at. 'Luke?' She put her hand to her hip and his eyes slowly trailed back to her face.

'Huh?' He gawped at her.

'I said, do you think we should have asked Nate and Hales back here? I feel like it was rude, they flew out especially'

'Hell no' He shook his adamantly and was suddenly on his feet 'Please, they have a kid, that's why they came, not for me- a night away, alone in a hotel is like their fucking sanctuary' He gripped her hips and jerked her to him.

'Luke' She protested.

'It's my birthday' He pouted as she took a little step back.

'How many times are you intending to say that today?' She teased.

'Until its not my birthday' He shrugged. 'But for now its still my birthday' He grinned wickedly, reaching for her but she dodged his greedy paws again.

'Uhuh. And only good boys get their presents' She pushed on his shoulders until he begrudgingly walked backward and sunk onto the bottom of the bed. 'No touching okay?'

His eyes widened in disbelief at her absurd demand and she bit her lip to stop herself from laughing.

'It's my birthday!' He tried again to no avail. 'You have to do as I say not the other way round!'

'It's your birthday so I'm taking care of you. That involves telling you what to do' She smoothly answered his outraged expression.

'Why do you get to be the one in control?!' He grumbled.

'Fine' She conceded. 'You can control one thing' She compromised. 'What's it going to be?'

Although aware that her offer was not in any way fair, he complied none the less, a sense of triumph over the small feat. 'Shoes stay on' He grinned.

'Fine heels stay on' She agreed. 'Now no touching kay?'

'I'm not agreeing to that' He laid back as he watched her, enjoying provoking her.

'Luke' She whined, her pouting lips, quickly bringing about his defeat.

'Fine. But I might break this agreement'

She rolled her eyes. 'You're not very good at this game are you?' She uttered as she crawled up the bed and straddled his lap. His fingers instantly wanted to move to her hips but he did as he was told and restrained them from doing so.

'We're playing a game?'

'Yes. It's called do as your girlfriend says if you want to get laid'

'Hmm. But why play such a game when I can just have her anyway?'

'Don't push me Scott' She warned, efficiently tugging the zip at her side down.

'What? You know my charms are irresistible Peyton Sawyer'

She carefully pulled her dress over her head and gleefully watched all words die on his tongue.

'Fuck me...that's hot' His hands rose from the bed, itching to touch the silk corset that squeezed her breasts together enticingly and emphasised where her waist went in and the curve of her hips.

'No touching' she warned.

'Urgh' He groaned. 'Seriously. Is this a new form of torture you've thought up?' He groaned.

'Stop being such a baby'

'Erm have you seen what you look like right now?'

She interlocked her hands with his and pushed them back to lay either side of his head and he gave her the impression that he was restrained there, despite knowing just a little push upward would have her flat on her back beneath him.

'Do you like it?' She husked.

'Do you need to really ask?'

She smiled against his lips. 'Happy' She brushed her nose against his and let her mouth ghost across his tormentingly. 'Birthday'

He craned his head, trying to slip his tongue past her teasing lips but she evaded his endeavours, instead favouring making a slow path down his neck.

Her hands released his and expertly began to free the buttons of his shirt, languidly lavishing his skin as it was exposed skin, inch by inch.

He lasted all of three minutes before his hands were in her hair, freeing the clip that held it securely back on one side. It cascaded around her face and when she halted her proceedings to look up at him sternly he aimed to reconnect their lips. 'Lucas' She swatted his impatient hands back to their place on the bed.

'Come on' he protested.

'You know I've come to realise something' She crowed.

'Urgh' He grunted. 'What's that?'

'You're not very good at having all the attention on you are you?'

She was right. He wasn't.

She was always his top priority. She was always there, at the heart of every decision he made. And when they were like _this_, giving her pleasure was his number one agenda. He always gave. Always put her first. And seeing her happy, well that made him happy.

And she loved that. She loved that he loved her that selflessly. But sometimes, like recently, it made her feel like a burden. Because she hadn't been happy. And it was nothing to do with him. He was just the person in her line of fire, the only one that could take the brunt of her grief. And it was unfair and cruel but some days she just couldn't get it together. But she wanted to, for him; she wanted to be as good a person as he was because she was certain she wasn't and that made her think he deserved someone better.

She rocked herself against him and her adept fingers trailed a tantalising path down her own neck, putting on a show that made his mouth dry and his groin pulse. It wasn't until her digits unhooked the first clasp on her corset that he broke with a loud grunt.

'Fuck this' He flipped her over abruptly and pinned her arms above her head with a jubilant grin because he'd had enough of watching her hands getting to touch what was his.

'Lucas!'

'What?' He cooed. 'Don't you like playing your own game sweetheart?'

She writhed beneath him. 'Let me go. This is meant to be about you'

'Oh it is' He swallowed.

'Luke' She complained as his finger tips began to hastily free the rest of the butterfly clips that were concealing the fabric across her chest.

'You know what my favourite thing to do is-'

'Lucas' She shook her head insistently. '_That_ is not your favourite thing' She disagreed. She always disagreed.

'Oh really?' He wasn't looking at her anymore and her breath hitched as his darkened eyes took in her bared skin.

'Really' She muttered assertively, attempting to lure his stare back to her face. 'You just say that so I think you're the best fucking boyfriend in the worl-' Her words slurred together and ceased altogether when he did look up at her, simultaneously blowing across her bare chest.

She bit down hard on her lip, her back immediately arching and he smirked gleefully. Because she was wrong. So very, very wrong. _It_ was his favourite thing. Nothing could turn him on more than the way she looked when he went down on her.

'I am the best boyfriend in the world'

'Yes' She agreed. He was.

He laughed jovially at her answer because he knew her well enough to know that that admission wouldn't have slipped from her lips without the attention of his persuasive hands and mouth.

He let go of her hands, nudging her legs apart with his knees as he slid further down her slight form.

It took her a moment to recover but when he freed the last of the clasps of the corset and she was left in nothing but her panties and heels she came back to herself and abruptly sat up. 'No you don't' She admonished.

'Yes I do' His larger hands easily slid around her thighs and with a swift tug she fell back to the mattress. A fire burned inside him and only she could alleviate it.

'Lucas!' She whined. 'Stop it. This was my game'

'My birthday, my rules babe' He declared smugly, easily manoeuvring her legs and draping them over his shoulders.

She got as far as leaning up on her forearms when his lips came into contact with the skin just above of her panties.

He looked up at her as he shadowed her waistline, delighting in the uninhabited way her head lolled back.

His hands skimmed down and round the back of her thighs to cup her backside.

'Not fair' She uttered distractedly. He tilted his head, a breathy laugh escaping his lips at her words because he'd won. He knew that and she did too. He deviously lowered his head, pressing a closed mouth kiss to the delicate, black lacy fabric that concealed her. She shuddered violently and whimpered despairingly because she was no longer in control. Need governed her body and mind.

And he loved her like this. He loved her always but he _loved, loved_ her like this; unrestrained and completely his.

He diligently slipped his fingers down the back of her panties and squeezed the smooth flesh there, his own groan erupting as her hips rose of their own accord.

Her hands flew out, one burying itself in his hair while the other fisted into the bed sheets beneath her.

Urgency to see her fall apart suddenly rippled through him and governed his frenzied removal of her underwear.

And then his mouth was _there_, kissing her where she ached for him most.

And it didn't matter how long it had been since the first time he'd ever done this to her, didn't matter how many times he did this, she was still constantly blown away by his ability to make her feel things she was sure no other person ever could.

And she was sure his continual declaration that this was his favourite thing to do was just him teasing her because she had a tendency of divulging just how much she loved what he could do whilst in an euphoric state of bliss.

Her body rocked in a sudden sporadic rhythm and Lucas gripped her hips in an effort to prolong the nearing end.

He was half tempted to stop his enthusiastic worshipping in favour of torturing her a little longer but despite his throbbing arousal, he couldn't find it in himself to pull away when she was whimpering his name like that.

He averted his stare, looking up at her through hooded eyes as she came apart at his touch.

Her body tensed, limbs jerking, back arching off the bed and then she collapsed back riding the waves of pleasure.

'Beautiful' He murmured, kissing the apex of her thigh before sitting back on his feet.

He watched her intently, eyes not leaving her glowing face as he shrugged off his shirt and rid himself of his constraining pants.

She looked perhaps the most peaceful and untroubled than she had in weeks, then again it had been a while since they'd done _this._ Something Lucas was painfully aware of in that moment as he climbed up her sated form, now rid of clothes.

She was flushed; a sheen of sweat making her skin all the more alluring and he had to stop himself from lavishing her rising and falling chest with attention; he needed her. He needed her that very moment and thought he might combust if not.

'Let me' She murmured, eyes flickering open as he pressed their bodies together and he knew that she wanted to return the favour but he was having none of that right now.

'Later. I need to be inside you' his voice husked against her lips and she could feel just how much he needed her. His desire probed demandingly at her inner thigh and she obligingly spread her legs further apart to cradle him.

And he didn't wait another moment, giving in to his own desire and rocking forward into her in one solid stroke.

She gasped, trembling slightly at the sensual feeling of being filled, of completion.

He groaned into her mouth, slipping his tongue past her lips to find hers in a rough kiss.

He pushed her leg higher to allow himself to slip deeper and she liked it when he was like this. Not rough so to speak, but assertive, in control. He so loved to dote on her and she found it liberating when he'd finally succumb to his own need. She anchored her legs around him, the heels of her shoes digging into his lower back and he clung to her fiercely, groaning as her pelvis rocked in a perfect circular motion to meet his thrusts. And it overwhelmed him, that intense look in her eyes, because he knew she'd let him do anything at all to her in that moment and that trust in him was profound and exhilarating.

She bit her lip and the sight of her, exhaling his name had him nearing the edge but he knew her and intuitively knew she needed longer. And he needed them to finish together. Overcome with emotion, he slowed their almost erratic rhythm, attentively coaxing her into a languid dance.

Her laboured breaths mingled with his own and their change of tempo heightened their senses and it was only a few moments later that they both welcomed the culmination of their efforts, tumbling into ecstasy.

They stayed like that, riding out the intoxicating pleasure that enveloped them, keeping them entwined as one.

It was a long minute later that her fingers began to idly trail up and down his forearm and it was only when he became aware of her soothing touch that he reluctantly pushed his heavy weight off of her.

'Mmm best...present...ever' He stretched his arms above his head, a lazy smile on his face.

She rolled onto her side, tangling her legs with his and draping an arm over his chest. 'Do you mean that?' His heart was still beating quickly, and it thumped beneath her fingers.

'Of course I do' He kissed the top of her head and fiddled absently with her hair. 'Are you annoyed because I ruined your little game?' He sung.

'I can't really complain' She looked up at him with a small smile and he laughed.

'Seriously sweetheart' He craned his head to look down at her, his eyes inadvertently trailing the length of her body, his mouth going dry as he took in her thigh high tights and heels still very much in place. 'Fuck' He flung his head back on the pillow. 'I can't look at you right now because if I do I'm going to have to have my way with you again and I might have a heart attack if we don't wait a bit'

She blushed and lightly hit his chest and he chortled because he found it beyond cute how she still, after all this time, couldn't take a complement gracefully, that and the fact that he still had the ability to turn her cheeks a dark shade of scarlet.

'So...I talked to Brooke earlier, while you were at the bar with Hales'

She opened her weary eyes and exhaled heavily. She'd known she shouldn't have left them alone together. 'And?'

'And she said you were...'

'What?' She sighed, sitting up and running a hand through her tussled hair. It didn't take a genius to predict what he was about to say because she'd seen it. Earlier that night she'd seen it in her friends eyes as her stare had watched her dress and ready herself for their evening out, she'd seen her concern.

'She just mentioned that you'd been a bit unlike yourself when she got to ours earlier' He finally elaborated.

'Well that's nice of her. It's nice to know you can confide in your best best friend without her telling on you' She grumbled sarcastically.

He followed her to sitting, sliding behind her and pulling her back against his chest. 'She's worried about you' He latched his chin over her shoulder, his hands linking round her narrow waist.

'Yeah, well it's unnecessary'

'I don't think it is. Not when she told me some of the things you said'

She attempted to remove his hands from around her but he held steady, knowing full well that an escape now would result in the end of this conversation. 'I'm not going anywhere Peyton. Ever'

'She had no right to tell you any of the meaningless crap we talked about, it was nothing. But she always has liked drama' She huffed.

'Like I said, she's worried. She wants to help you and she doesn't know how'

'She can start by not filling my boyfriend's head with my nonsensical ramblings'

'Come on, you're not mad at her, not really' he softly hummed and she wanted to swat him away and crawl out of bed but at the same time all she wanted was to get lost in his embrace. 'Peyt I'm worried about you' He ventured and she knew then that Brooke had just been a ploy so he could breach this subject himself.

'Luke I don't want to argue'

'We're not'

'It's your birthday. Lets not spoil it'

'We're not spoiling anything, we're just talking and actually its not anymore, my birthday I mean' He loosened his grip on her waist and twisted his left hand so she could look down at the face of his watch. 'I want you to feel like you can talk to me'

'I do Lucas' She complained.

'Well lately I feel like you haven't been'

'I don't know what you want me to say' She slid her smaller hands over his and fiddled with his fingers. 'I know I've been weird...I'm just...I don't know, processing everything'

'And that's completely normal, I'm not criticising the way you've been dealing, I just don't want you to feel like I'm going to tire of you because of it? You know?'

'Mmm. I hate Brooke'

He laughed into her neck.

'I love you'

'I love you...and I'm sorry'

'You have nothing to be sorry for. Just don't pretend for me, okay? Cause the thing is, after all this time, there's no point, cause I can read you like a book anyway' He declared confidently. 'You don't have to pretend everything is alright, ok?'

She looked up at him and nodded compliantly and he wanted to be reassured but he wasn't. Because he wanted to help her. He just didn't know how.


	3. Chapter 3

'Thanks Leah, that's really sweet of you' Lucas said sincerely.

'Anytime'

Peyton scowled at the petit auburn haired girls response.

'Bye Peyton!'

Her scowl was quick to morph into a fake smile as she craned her head to look back at the apartment door where Lucas was stood. 'Bye Leah'

A few moments later they were alone again and Lucas set the imposting plate of cup cakes down beside her.

'She fancies you'

'Who? Leah?' Lucas laughed and shook his head. 'How'd you work that one out?'

'Please, since you fixed that water pipe last month she's found every excuse to come over here'

'Well she's on her own, she doesn't have a handyman and she's got a habit of over making cupcakes. I'm not complaining if she wants to off load them on us'

'Intentional habit of over making' Peyton grumbled, avoiding his amused stare and trying to busy herself by putting some plates away.

'Hey' He tugged her to him. 'Are you jealous Peyton Sawyer?'

'No'

He hooked his forefinger under her chin, forcing her to look at him.

'You are'

'Am not'

'Are' He grinned.

'I'm not!'

'Prove it. Eat one of our lovely neighbours cakes'

'I'm not touching anything that that skanky bitch has made'

He dipped his finger into the buttercream of one of said cupcakes and smeared it over her lips.

'Lucas!' She shrieked her outrage.

'What? I think you should taste them, then you really won't be complaining' She hit him lightly and licked her lip slowly as he pulled her closer. 'Plus I really wanted to see you do that' He husked with relish.

She retorted with a swat to his creeping hands.

'Well?' He chortled.

'They're good' She huffed in annoyance, his gleeful mood doing nothing to appease her.

'Wow. You really are in a strop'

She pushed away from him. 'First off you want her cupcakes, next off you'll be wanting her apple pie and then you'll be wanting a whole lot more than just her baking'

'Peyton she's like eighteen!' He chuckled at what he classified as her obscene logic.

'Exactly' She clattered around the kitchen, searching for what, Lucas wasn't entirely sure.

'Erm. News flash, I'm in love with you. Where the hell is this coming from?' He wondered. Albeit he was entertained by her behaviour but this wasn't something that typically concerned her. She didn't do jealousy and he'd never seen her concerned over the prospect of some competition. Because it wasn't competition. She knew that.

'No where'

He squinted at her. In the recent months, her attempts to valiantly ignore her father's death had left Lucas faced with a version of his girlfriend that kept taking him by surprise because she wasn't usually insecure, she wasn't usually as paranoid and she definitely wasn't this uptight.

'What're you doing?' He watched her standing on her tip toes to pull out a rather large, unused mixing bowl from the highest shelf.

'I fancy making some cookies'

His snort that followed earned him a scathing look.

'And what's so funny?'

'Er nothing, just I'm not looking forward to the salt poisoning'

'So you'll eat her cup cakes but not my cookies!' She exclaimed.

'Is this one of those times where you're talking about baked goods but really talking about something else?' He wondered, brow furrowed. 'Because if so I'm not following'

She groaned and shook her head in frustration. 'It's a simple question. Her cup cakes or my cookies?'

'Your cookies, every time' He hastily answered.

'Even though you think her cup cakes are better?'

He sighed exasperatedly. 'Yeah but I'd much rather have a cookie dough fight with you than eat cupcakes babe' He drawled, slowly approaching her.

She closed her eyes as he stood beside her.

'Eurgh. How do you do that?' She grumbled.

'Do what?' He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

'Say stuff that makes me not want to be mad at you when I'm trying really hard to be pissed. It's annoying'

He smiled at her rambling.

'Because I kinda love you and have quite a lot of experience in knowing how to stop you being a psycho' He taunted.

She opened her eyes and looked at him properly for the first time in the last ten minutes. 'I really am a psycho aren't I?'

'A psycho that I'm pretty in love with' He smiled teasingly.

She pouted.

'Not a psycho' He amended. 'Just...a jealous girlfriend' She glowered. 'And I love that by the way' He hastened to add. 'That you're jealous...it's kinda hot' Not to mention it gave him a satisfying ego boost. Because he felt like he'd always been the chaser in their relationship. Which was fine. He'd loved her before he even knew her. As cliche as it sounded, it was love at first sight. It was instant. Whereas it took her a little while to catch up, because she was scared of her feelings. But she'd always had people admiring her, even if she wasn't aware of it and Lucas didn't exactly enjoy watching guys hit on her.

'I'm not jealous' Her nostrils flared and he raised his brow. 'Fine!...Maybe a little'

He laughed and kissed her head. 'As cute as it is though baby, you really don't need to be. You know?' He became serious.

She looked down. 'Sometimes I'm not so sure'

'Not so sure about what?'

'That you're not going to wake up one day and think the fit student across the hall would be a lot more fun'

'Peyton I love you'

'Do you?' It came out before she could even comprehend the ramifications of her question. As soon as the two little words past her lips they lingered in the space between them and she instantly wanted to take them back. Because he was not happy.

His eyes widened.

'What?' He shook his head a little irritatedly.

'I'm sorry. Ignore me. Pretend I didn't say that' She pleaded.

'I can't pretend you didn't say it' He answered, his expression a mixture of sadness and confusion. 'Why the fuck-'

'Don't get mad-'

'I'm not mad, I'm upset. Actually I am mad I don't understand why-how you could question that' His early amusement and jest was completely gone because this wasn't her being cute or insecure this was her outright questioning his feelings for her.

'I don't, not really, I guess I just get freaked out when I think about what would happen if we ever split up and I just-'

'You think about us splitting up?' He cut in incredulously.

She swallowed thickly because she didn't seem to be making this conversation any better. 'Don't you?'

'No. Never' He ran his hand through his hair agitatedly. 'I don't think about that because I don't ever see that happening, because you're it. You're it for me'

A small smile touched her lips at his declaration. 'You mean that?'

He didn't know if to laugh or scream at her because she looked somewhat surprised and he was certain the last thing she should be was surprised.

'Fuck Peyton. Of course I fucking mean it. How don't you know that, after being in a relationship with me for the last nine years. How can you not know what my feelings are?' He turned away, shaking his head.

'Luke-'

'I mean, the fact that you're thinking this shit, does that mean you don't feel the same? Should I be concerned over here? I thought we were on the same page'

'We are!' She exclaimed, her feet closing the gap he'd made between them. 'We are' She moved around him, her hands grappling at his broad shoulders to stop him from walking away. 'We are, you're just, you're so successful Luke and god am I proud of that but lately I just, I guess I've been worrying that you're going to wake up and realise you can do much better than me'

'Where the hell is all this coming from? You're talking such shit. You really think I'm like that? That I care about that?-'

'No but I'm being rational Lucas' She flailed her hands expressively in front of her. 'You're a romantic, you don't do rational. You always follow your heart. I look at the wider picture and you travel a hell of a lot now. There are times when we're apart and you're surrounded by people that admire you, that want to know you, that're fans of your work. Girls will be falling at your feet. There'll be a temptation there that-'

'There is zero temptation. Sure, I may get a little more attention than usual but it's transparent. Peyton you're the reason my career is where it is. You're the one that sent off my transcripts, you're the one that's constantly pushed me, supported me-'

'I'm also the reason you cancelled your book tour'

'Yes, because I wanted to be with you when you needed me, Sweetheart you underestimate yourself so fucking much. Where is the snarky cheerleader that was fearless?'

'She grew up and realised that life isn't made of fairytales' She muttered sombrely.

'I know this year so far has been beyond shit Peyt, but aside from loosing your Dad, I thought our life together _had_ pretty much been a damn good fairytale' He shook his head, a disbelieving laugh leaving his lips. 'You're worried about me falling for some other girl but guys are always looking at you, always hitting on you and I don't worry. It's been that way since you were fifteen and sure it pisses me off but I don't worry because I've always been certain I can trust you-'

'You can!'

'Well you can trust me too'

'I do. God Lucas don't think I don't trust you. That's so not it. I just, I guess lately I feel...I feel undeserving of you'

'Well just stop it' He grabbed her hands and pushed her back quite suddenly.

'What're you doing?' Her feet staggered to keep up but his firm grasp stopped her from falling.

He didn't answer until her back was pressed up against the nearest wall.

'Showing you how much I love you because words are apparently not working' He grunted angrily.

'Luke'

'Sh'

'You don't need to...' She trailed off with a gasp as his solid body aligned flush with hers.

'You're the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing before I go to bed' He stressed. 'And I don't care if you think that sounds sappy, its the truth' His eyes squinted seriously while his lips quirked into a small smile and he anticipated a small laugh from her but it didn't come.

She pushed her tongue to the roof of her mouth and he watched her nostrils flare as she attempted to deflect the insistent tears that were suddenly welling in he eyes.

'Why are you crying?'

She couldn't fool him.

One of his hands moved to her face, his thumb brushing lightly over her cheekbone.

'Sweetheart?' He husked.

'I just love you' She breathed out faintly. 'So much'

He didn't feel the normal rush of happiness and contentment that those words usually arose in him. He felt desperation, because her words were delivered with resignation, as though she'd accepted that he didn't feel the same, despite his many professions otherwise.

He roughly hitched her leg up and over his hip and a throaty noise escaped her.

'Do you feel how much I want you?' He berated. 'All the fucking time. After all this time. It's still exactly the same' He brushed his nose over hers. 'It never goes away' Her fingers twisted in the material that covered his chest and her eyes flickered shut.

His lips whispered across her cheek, the stubble on his face grazing her delicate skin.

She took a shuddering breath and was flooded with anguish because she was suddenly overwhelmed by the insanity of her thoughts and behaviour because of course he loved her. She knew that. Of course she knew that. 'I'm sorry. I know. I know' She ushered his face away from her neck so she could see his eyes. 'I know I'm acting crazy and weird. I'm just scared, scared of loosing you and I'm probably making you want to run for the fucking hills right now-'

He purposefully propelled his lower half against her to shut her up and her incoherent words came to an abrupt halt.

'What part of this feels like I'm running away?' He wondered, his hand cupped her backside, driving her impossibly closer. 'The thing about loving you is that I do even when you're acting crazy or being weird'

She unknowingly licked her lips as she attempted to string a sentence together; he wasn't making it easy. 'I just want to be perfect for you'

'No ones perfect Peyt, but you are, to me you are' He assertively husked. 'Now shut up and let me convince you of how much I love you' He demanded determinedly and she surrendered. Surrendered open heartedly because she couldn't not when it came to doing this with him and if there was any slight chance that he was ever going to leave her, she wanted as many of these moments to memorise as possible.

* * *

><p>He hated coming to these god forsaken things. Especially on nights like this, nights where she was helping organise the event, which was usually the case. It meant he didn't see her for the majority of the evening and was left to make small talk with a bunch of strangers. Or how he so fondly referred to them; pretentious dickkheads. Because thats what they were for the most part. Musicians that had long since stopped caring about the music, that were more consumed by the vast amount of money that had tumbled into their hands. That's what it was about these days, or from what Lucas could tell; it was about the money. But Peyton was a fighter, always had been, and resolutely declared that if she could get one talented band out there for the world to see, then all the bullshit and manufactured rubbish that came with it was tolerable.<p>

Only he found these nights intolerable. The only upside was the free bar which he liked to make the most of.

He couldn't get over how much she put into her job and how little reward she received. If he were honest, it was something he was beginning to wish she'd just walk away from. He didn't know how many times he'd made the suggestion that she start up her own business. But her stubborn streak had her yet to agree in accepting him financing her dream. A frequent argument that never ended with them resolving their disagreement on the matter. And lately she seemed to be working even longer hours than usual, something he was yet to determine whether was her choice or if she was being put under pressure to do so.

He knew she wouldn't complain, least of all to him because she knew how he felt about it.

'Hi there Lucas'

He lowered his drink as he surveyed the man before him. He was usually pretty good with faces but this blonde haired man wasn't ringing any bells.

'Sorry, have we met?'

He smiled and Lucas instantly took a disliking to the guy. He didn't like that smile.

'No, no. Sorry. I'm Derek' He held his hand out and Lucas eyed it warily before begrudgingly shaking it. 'I work quite closely alongside Peyton. She talks about you so often that I feel as if I know you'

Lucas took another gulp of his drink.

Derek. Derek. Derek.

He was certain he'd never heard Peyton mention the man before. He didn't know what to be more concerned about, the fact that she hadn't mentioned this guy or that she was confiding in him over her long term boyfriend.

He let his eyes wander around the room to find her animatedly talking to a small group of people and he could tell by her face that she was trying to convince them of the abilities of a band she wanted them to take on.

'She's done a good job tonight'

'She always does' Lucas noted.

'How's she been? She's had a tough time lately huh?'

Lucas tore his stare away from Peyton, to give her colleague his full attention.

'I'm sorry but how exactly do you know Peyton?' He didn't know why but this guy made him uneasy but he didn't trust him, not for a second. And yet he was completely immersed in his words. Because yes, she had had a tough time of it lately, but she certainly wasn't up for talking about it with him so he highly doubted she'd indulged this guy with her feelings regarding her fathers death.

'As I said, we work together, I'm in the PR office'

Lucas nodded awkwardly. Still didn't ring a bell.

'I keep telling her she can't go on like this, I'm sure you must be the same. I mean she doesn't stop. She's working constantly-'

'She's passionate about it' Lucas defended although every bone in his body had him wanting to agree. _Finally someone was on his side._ It's all he'd been telling her; you work too much, too hard, you've not even taken any time off to let yourself grieve for your father, it's not healthy.

'I know she is. I get that but with Knight constantly harassing her, it's not right. She's so stubborn-'

'What?' Lucas quickly cut in. Knight did ring a bell. John Knight; her boss.

Derek's brow furrowed, a perfect look of surprise on his face. 'Oh...you don't know...I just, I assumed she'd have told you...I-'

'What do you mean harassing?' Again Lucas cut in. He could feel a heat rising in his cheeks. He didn't like this man; didn't like that he seemed to know something about Peyton that he did not. Didn't like the way he was looking at him with superiority.

'Well...this is awkward...I've put my foot in it-'

'How is he harassing her?' Lucas hissed impatiently.

'Well...I...I- you know, inappropriate comments, touches...'

Lucas gulped.

'I feel like you should have this conversation with Peyton'

Lucas' eyes scarpered round the room, locking on the implicated man on the far side of the room, his hands bawling into fists.

'Oh you two've met- Luke this is Derek' Peyton's voice broke through his steely gaze and he abruptly turned to look at her.

He ignored her polite introductions. 'A word' He didn't wait for an answer, grabbing her hand and dragging her away from her friend that was looking at her in a way that Lucas didn't like one bit.

'Lucas' She half laughed, half reprimanded his quick get away. He didn't stop though. Not until they were outside and the cool air was a welcome relief to his flushed face. 'That was rude' She noted.

'Knight has been sexually harassing you?' He wasted no time in beating around the bush.

'What?'

He knew instantly, by the way her eyebrows had risen and her mouth opened that her actual answer was yes.

His stomach turned. He felt sick.

'How couldn't you tell me that?!' He was torn between shaking her and swaddling her safe in his arms. 'I mean how? When?'

'Luke' Peyton shook her head and rose her hand in an attempt to hush his hurried words.

'What has he done to you-'

'Nothing!' She exclaimed but her inability to look him in the eye didn't leave him satisfied.

'Peyton' Her name came out as growl, a warning that he wasn't going to be patient regarding this subject.

'Lucas, please, not here. It's fine, whatever you're thinking just stop because it's not serious' She muttered. 'We can talk about this later'

'No. We're talking about this right-' He got cut off by the door opening behind them.

'I'm sorry to interrupt man, but Peyt is needed inside' The unwelcoming voice was like angry finger nails on a chalk board.

'Well _man_, we're in the middle of something here so if you don't mind' He barked back, hoping this _friend_ of hers would just disappear.

'Lucas!' Peyton exclaimed. 'I'm sorry Derek. I'll be in in a minute. Thank you'

The blonde head disappeared back around the door with a nod.

'What's wrong with you?'

'What's wrong with me?' Lucas snorted. 'He's an ass'

She sighed. 'Look. This finishes in an hour okay? And then we'll go home and talk about this'

He crossed his arms and turned his back to her in answer.

'I have to go back in there Luke-'

'Go then' He grunted.

She grimaced, longingly looking at the back of his head and then with a defeated sigh she turned and left him alone.

He gripped the stone wall of the balcony that looked down upon the busy street below and wondered how she could keep this from him.

* * *

><p>He hadn't said a word for the entirety of the car ride home and she was becoming frustrated by his bout of silence.<p>

'Lucas please. Can we just talk about it?' She exclaimed as he made his way up the stairs of their building with every intention of ignoring the whole subject. 'Lucas!' He stopped abruptly.

'Peyton I found out from your co-worker. Do you have any idea how humiliating that was? That you confide in him over me?'

'That's not how it is'

'It's not?'

'I just knew you would freak out and that it would upset you'

'Damn right it upsets me- it's sexual harassment. Why are you condoning it as something you've just got to put up with? There is no way in hell I'm letting you go back there-'

'You don't have a say' She shouted agitatedly, stomping up the remaining steps to their floor.

'The fuck I don't' He barked, hot on her tail.

'It's my job-'

'You hate the job. You've been there five years and you still haven't been promoted, what's the point? You know far more than any of them, start your own label'

'And where do you propose I get the money for that Luke?' She shoved her key at their door.

'Me-'

She stopped trying to get into the apartment for a second, glancing up at him. 'I don't want your money for the hundredth time' She hissed through gritted teeth.

'It's not just mine Peyton, it's ours. What's mine is yours. Why is that so god damn hard for you to understand?' He declared sincerely.

'I don't want your help' She managed to slide the key into the lock on her third attempt, letting them into their shared abode.

He pinched the bridge of his nose as he followed her inside. 'I know you can't bare not being independent and I love that about you but it's okay to take somebody's help once in a while'

'I don't need help'

'Right' He snapped in frustration. 'Cause you're getting so far by yourself. I don't care what you think, you're not going back there to work'

'You can't tell me what to do'

'Yes I can, I love you and that gives me every right. I don't want some sleazy jackass, old enough to be your father touching you up Peyton'

She turned around, back to him, arms crossed tightly over her chest.

He exhaled heavily, attempting to compose himself. 'How long has this been going on?' He dared to ask.

She didn't answer.

'Peyton' He sighed, making the few paces over to her. He placed his hand on her back in what was meant to be a comforting gesture but she felt like he was about to lead her to the gallows.

'A while' She confessed quietly, a lump forming in the back of her throat at her admission because she knew she should have told him this sooner, because it was hard fighting her own corner when she knew she was in the wrong.

He closed his eyes and breathed in and out, trying to calm himself. 'Why didn't you tell me?' He tried to keep his voice gentle and not continue to yell at her but everything about this situation was making him short tempered.

'I told you why. I knew you'd think it's a big deal and I can handle it myself. At the beginning it was harmless flattering comments it's only recently that it's gotten worse' She defended her secrecy.

'How?' He ground out.

She swallowed.

'Peyton-'

'He may have asked me on a few business trips and insinuated we share a room-'

'You didn-'

'Of course not. I told him it was inappropriate and I wasn't interested. But his comments quickly went from just being flattery to outride crude and his hands started lingering on me, you know? And then last week he asked me to drop a few buttons on my shirt to get into a couple of meetings' She blurted out hurriedly, her back still resolutely to him.

'You didn't do it though right?'

She didn't answer. Her lack of answer told him everything. 'You did what?' His eyes narrowed and he shook his head incredulously. 'Are you sure you're not fucking him too?'

She spun around, her eyes expanded, her outrage evident. 'You did not just say that'

'You dropped a few buttons' He shrugged. 'How do I know you've not dropped anything else?'

They were both surprised when she slapped him. Hard. His cheek prickled.

'I...' She shook her head, her eyes full of regret. 'I know you're not happy' She ground, her voice wavering. 'And you have every right not to be. But I would _never_ do that. _You_ know that'

'Yeah? Well I thought my girlfriend felt comfortable enough to confide in me when she was dealing with something pretty big. But maybe that was fucking stupid of me. I thought your stony front when it came to your Dad was you dealing with it the only way you knew how but maybe it's just because you can't talk to me about shit because you can clearly talk to fucking Derek'

He brushed past her.

'Lucas please, thats not true'

'Not now' He didn't want to hear another word. He had nothing more to say.

A grimace shivered through her when the bathroom door slammed not a moment later, the picture frames on the chest of draws wobbling in his wake.

A frustrated tear escaped her glassy eyes and she quickly shut them tight, swallowing back the unwanted lump in the back of her throat.

She understood his anger. Understood why he was so pissed and she understood that it was that anger that had fuelled his words but it didn't make them easier to hear. And the worst part was that she felt that she only had herself to blame for the whole godforsaken argument.

Regret tingled her nose and stung her eyes. Regret was the lump in the back of her throat.

She grabbed the pillow off of her side of the bed and trudged from the bedroom, deciding the least she could do was surrender her comfort and take the sofa for the night because he clearly didn't want to look at her.

She was right. He didn't. He ignored her absence from their room for a good two hours before his satisfaction at her avoidance quickly became an uncomfortable feeling in his belly. Because he didn't like confrontation, had been known to specifically avoid sharing his thoughts just to avert any possible argument or upset.

'What're you doing out here?' He took a gulp of his water that was his supposed reasoning for venturing out of the bedroom at long last.

'I thought-'

'Come to bed' He muttered before trudging back to their bedroom.

She stayed curled in her spot for a moment longer before summoning the courage to join him.

'I'm sorry' She whispered into the darkness. 'Luke, I'm, I'm sorry'

The bed sheets rustled as his silhouette sat up right, a heavy sigh escaping him. 'Come're' He flicked on the bedside lamp as she sunk onto the mattress beside him.

'I know it was stupid. I knew it was wrong. Fuck, I don't know what I was thinking, I'm not fucking into him though Luke, you don't think that do you? God, I'm...' She frantically shook her head. 'I'm not, he repulses me. Everything he says, the way he looks at me...' Her face crumpled in disgust. 'He just, he gave me the ultimatum and I just did it without thinking, I just, I want this so bad and getting to go into those meetings...' Her voice broke and he tentatively brought her into his arms.

'Shh, I know' He whispered into her neck. 'It's okay' He accepted, rubbing her back. 'No more dropping buttons for anyone but me okay?'

'Kay' She shuddered tearfully.

'You're better than that Peyt'

She nodded silently, hoping he was right because lately she'd not felt like she was the girl he put on a pedestal above everyone else.

'I want to kill him-'

'Luke' Her legs shifted so she was sat completely in his lap.

'You're the best person he has working for him and he fucking does this to you? Its unbelievable'

She didn't say anything, instead she waited for his next predictable words.

'Lets file a complaint. He'll have to fucking listen to the police-'

'Because that would make my life a lot easier wouldn't it?' She sighed. 'Luke you don't know him okay. I do and I know that wouldn't help and I can't quit because then I'll be back to square one, because he'll make sure no one else hires me. He will. I know it. So don't make me feel like have to. Please' She looked up and him pleadingly.

He exhaled heavily. 'I know' He nodded in resignation because he knew there was not a single word he could yell at her that would get her stubborn self to quit. 'But we need to figure out how to deal with this' He slid his hand under her sweater, gently rubbing her back.

'Okay'

'I need to know you're safe'

'I am safe Luke'

He didn't agree. 'Peyt remember the other day when you got jealous over Leah?'

She'd wondered how long it was before he bought that up.

'It's not the same Luke'

'No its fucking not, in any way because this isn't about jealousy, this is about your safety. The thought of someone else looking at you in that way let alone touching you without your consent makes me feel physically sick' He disclosed, his face contorted in repulsion.

'He's barely touched me Luke, I swear. I, I'll talk to him about it or something. I'm sorry baby' Her hands curled into the back of his hair.

'Don't apologise, its him I'm furious with. You know that right?'

She worried her bottom lips and nodded.

'I'm sorry for snapping at you. I just love you so much Peyton'

'No. You had every right to be mad at me. You have every right, what I did...'

'Lets just forget about it okay?'

'I hit you Luke' Guilt had her stomach knotted unpleasantly.

'I kind of deserved it'

'I don't think you did. Not ever. I'm sorry. Does it hurt?' He snorted at her suddenly pandering hands that were tentatively inspecting his face. 'What?'

'You're still a girl'

'And what's that supposed to mean?! That I can't hurt you?'

'Well I'm sure some girls could but you hit like a girl'

'So it didn't hurt at all?' He shrugged. 'Well, maybe I'll start bitch slapping you more frequently then'

'It hurt a little' He conceded.

'I'm so sorry' She cradled his face. 'Really Luke. I feel awful. I just- when you said that- I'd never. I don't think I could ever...not with anyone but you. I wouldn't know how. I'm completely, I see myself as yours completely' She rambled and he smiled for the first time all evening.

'Good. I'm glad we're on the same page about that' He tucked her hair behind her ear affectionately and pulled her fussing hands down from his face to hold them in her lap.

'I feel awful. It's not okay'

'Peyton-'

'It's not Luke. If you'd hit me it wouldn't be okay- just because I'm a girl-'

'Peyton' He squeezed her hands. 'I love that you think that way but I'm not upset about it so it's alright'

'You should be-'

'What would make you feel better?' He wondered because they were both emotionally drained and he couldn't deal with a rant on sexism right now.

'Yell at me. Tell me I have no fucking right to lay a finger on you in that way. Hit me'

His brow raised at her last suggestion because there was no way he was about to raise his hand to her precious face.

Amused, he laid back on the bed, leaving her sat across his waist. 'You have no fucking right to lay a finger on me in that way' He repeated with a grin, waving his finger at her in jest.

'Luke' She whined, following his movement to lay down atop of him.

He playfully smacked her behind and she gasped against his lips. 'There. We're even' He rubbed his hand over the spot he'd just lightly slapped before pressing her harder against him.

'No we're not' She whimpered. 'Not the same at all'

'Well I can think of more than a couple of ways you can make it up to me' He grinned.

And a small smile graced her own lips because at least he was willing to play ball a little because she needed to atone for her actions, that's how she saw it anyway.

She pressed her lips to his in a chaste kiss and then her svelte form travelled the length of his body and he watched her golden head of hair eagerly and attempted to get lost in what she was about to do because he wanted nothing more than to erase the images that were currently violating his mind. Images of her boss touching her in ways that were going to drive him insane. And as she unfastened his pants his last thought was that he couldn't stand by and let her be around this vile creature, he wouldn't. But then her mouth was on him, her hands touching him, her green eyes looking up at him both seductive and demure all at once and he couldn't process anything else. Nothing but her; his beautiful. precious girl.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N** Thankyou for your kind words. Just a quick note- I've noticed that when publishing a chapter, the line breaks don't always show up, so if there's an apparent jump in subject please assume there was suppose to be a break inserted but FF has decided to not show it!

'Have you got a sec?'

Peyton looked up from the array of discs that were arranged on top of her desk.

'Derek' She smiled and reached for the mouse of her computer, pausing the music playing.

'Sounds good' He walked further into the office and she nodded back enthusiastically.

'Uhuh, they are, I doubt Knight will agree though' She rolled her eyes and he laughed.

'No, maybe not' He agreed.

'So, what can I do you for?' She wondered.

'Just checking in' He shrugged, watching her curiously. She looked tired; her hair was scraped up messily on top of her head and her fair complexion looked a little pastier than usual. And he felt responsible for her tired appearance 'Actually I wanted to apologise' He abashedly wrung his hands together. 'About Friday night, I didn't mean to cause any trouble'

She flippantly wavered her hand with a shake of her head. 'Please, you've got nothing to be sorry for, you didn't know I hadn't told Luke' She dismissed.

'Still, I should have kept my big mouth shut'

'At the time I wished you had' She smiled playfully. 'But actually I'm glad he found out. We argued a bit and then eventually we talked about everything and I needed him to know, I just didn't want him to worry'

'I think that's inevitible Peyton. You're a pretty girl and he's your boyfriend. Of course he's going to worry about you, that's only natural'

'You're right' She'd spent the whole weekend apologising because in retrospect she wished she had told him from the offset.

'Oh, so you agree you're pretty?' Derek mocked.

'I didn't mean that' She reddened embarrassedly.

'I'm teasing' He laughed.

'I know' She whined, reaching into the waste paper basket and flinging a scrunched up ball of paper at him.

He caught her ammunition and tossed it back at her easily.

'You need to work on your reflexes Miss Sawyer' He chortled at her inability to dodge his aim.

She childishly stuck her tongue out at him but then she was smiling.

'I'm surprised to see you in today if I'm quite honest' He moved to her desk, perching on the edge.

'And why would you think that when I've never missed a day' She kinked her brow questioningly.

He laughed because she looked somewhat comical with her arms crossed in fake indignation.

'I know you'd never dare miss a day but I thought the boyfriend might have a big something to say about it'

'Oh, he did' She disclosed. 'But he can't tell me what to do and he knows even if he did I wouldn't listen'

Derek shook his head with an impish smirk. 'Peyton Sawyer, you are truly awful. If you were my girl there's no way I'd be letting you back here'

She sat upright in her chair and bought her legs up onto the seat to cross them. 'You're all the same' She grumbled. 'You all have this caveman alter ego don't you?'

He chuckled heartily at her assessment of the male species.

'We're living in the 21st century Derek'

'Urgh' He rolled his eyes and shook his head. 'And you're all the same!' He disputed. 'You all think we have a secret oppressive mission to take away your rights and return to a time when a woman's place was solely in the home'

'Don't you?!' She gibed with a glint in her eye.

He narrowed his eyes at her and she laughed, holding her arms up in surrender.

'Okay, okay' She relented. 'I know he just wants me safe. That's all. And I get that, but now he knows and I won't keep anything else from him so he doesn't need to worry' She pledged.

'Just try not to be alone with Knight okay? And you know where I am if you're ever worried, I could always talk to him-'

'Derek thank you, really I do feel a lot better knowing that you're around. But I don't want you to get involved. I can handle it, I'll talk to him, I will'

* * *

><p>Peyton wrapped against the door again, shifting her weight as she waited impatiently for her friend to answer.<p>

Brooke finally emerged from behind the dark red door looking a little haphazard and not resembling that of the well put together girl Peyton was use to seeing. 'Hi'

'Gees take your time. You moan at me for not stopping by enough and then you leave me hanging' Peyton teased, her eyes narrowed suspiciously.

'Sorry I-'

A loud wailing cut short her apology.

Peyton's stare moved past the brunette, following the unmistakable discontented cries of an infant. Her brow arched in questioning.

Flustered, Brooke turned and hurried back down the hall, calling behind her. 'Come in Peyt'

Peyton followed with confusion, letting herself in and cautiously walking the distance of the short hallway.

Despite her brain identifying that the noise emitting from Brooke's living room was undoubtably that of a baby, seeing the small creature in her friends arms still caused her eyes to widen significantly.

'Shhhh darling. It's alright shh' Brooke cooed.

'Er...you're babysitting?' Peyton tossed her bag on the sofa and approached gleefully as her hands itched to have a turn at holding the child regardless of her cries.

'Erm, I guess' Brooke nodded. 'But for like the next eighteen years or so at least'

The baby's tears had turned to whimpers, Peyton's arrival distracting her from her ordeal; she peered up at her inquisitively.

The youngsters alluring chestnut eyes hindered Peyton's ability to register Brooke's words immediately but when she did her stare darted up to her friend's apprehensive face. 'Say what now?'

'I...I adopted a baby. Surprise' Brooke nervously announced.

Peyton's mouth dropped. 'You're kidding'

'I'm very serious'

Peyton blinked twice, looked back down at the now gurgling little girl and then back up to Brooke. 'She...I...you...she's yours?'

'Yes, very much so'

Peyton gawped at the child in question and was silent for a long minute.

'God P Sawyer, please say something'

'Why didn't you tell me?!' Peyton exclaimed most abruptly, her mind racing.

'You've had a lot on your plate lately'

'No I haven't!' Peyton shook her head disbelieving. 'Hello- Baby right here! You're the one with a load on your plate' She cried, her eyes wide and full of awe as she continued to stare down at the little life. 'Why didn't you tell me?' She could feel her eyes welling with emotion.

'I just...this has been in the works for a while you know? It's something I've been considering for a while. A long while'

'And you felt like you couldn't run it by your best friend?' The blonde accused, her stare briefly darting back up to Brooke.

'That wasn't it' Brooke quickly disregarded. 'I was going to and then your Dad was sick and the last thing I wanted to do was offload you with this. I didn't want to talk to you about something exciting and stressful in the best way when you were going through something so awful'

Peyton flipped her hand. 'I would've been fine Brooke'

'I was thinking of ringing them and telling them I wasn't ready the day after your Dad's funeral but I literally got a call straight after and they said they had her and that there was a lot of paper work and legal stuff to work out so it wouldn't be immediate but that they thought I was the best choice for her and I just, I couldn't say no and I'm sorry this has happened so quickly, I never meant-'

'Stop Brooke- don't apologise, you have nothing to apologise for. Of course you couldn't say no!' Peyton stroked her finger over the baby's soft cheek. 'God B, she's beautiful'

Brooke's anxious expression instantaneously dissolved as she joined Peyton in looking at the baby 'I think so'

'Does she have a name?'

'Yes' Brooke smirked coyly. 'Lara Peyton Davis'

Peyton's mouth quivered. 'Oh my god. Really?'

'Of course P Sawyer and you'll be god mother won't you?'

'Are you kidding me? Of course I will'

'You and Luke obviously' Peyton bit her lip to stop herself from crying. 'You want to hold her? She, she's real touchy...it's going to take a while to get her settled'

Peyton wordlessly held her arms out and cradled her. 'Of course it is but she'll be fine before you know it Brooke. How could she not? Won't you Lara? Because you've got the best Mummy in the world, yes you have' She murmured softly.

'You think? I can do this right?'

'Brooke' Peyton regarded her sternly. 'You're going to be the best at this'

A small smile graced Brooke's lips. 'I needed someone to say that'

'I don't know how you kept this a secret, you must have been terrified, I could've helped Brooke'

'I know' Brooke nodded. 'I just didn't want-'

'I wish you'd all stop pandering to me like I'm an invalid. I'm fine. I mean christ how are you? You've become a Mum over night Brooke!'

Brooke laughed wearily. 'I'm, I'm tired but, but the happiest and most scared I've ever been' She confided. 'I'm scared she's going to hate me, I'm scared that I'm doing everything wrong'

'You're not, of course you're not, look she's fine'

'Yeah well she's been crying more than not since I bought her home, I can tell you that'

'When did you bring her home?'

'Last Wednesday'

Peyton shook her head again at her friend's secretive behaviour. 'It's hardly been anytime at all Brooke'

'I know, I know that, it's just...now you know I feel so much better...'

'Anything you need, anything at all, I'm here, you know that'

'I know, thanks P'

'How, how old is she?'

'Six months'

'Where did she...I mean how...why?'

Brooke laughed as she sat down, gratefully resting her feet. Exhaustion was apparent in her features; in the bags under her eyes and her limp hair. But despite her weary appearance, there was still an undoubtable presence of contentment written on her face.

She watched Peyton with pride as her fair haired friend attentively bonded with her precious baby. And she knew, regardless of Peyton's reservations about motherhood, that her childhood, best friend would one day be an amazing mum.

She rocked naturally on her feet as she talked to the baby and Brooke couldn't help it; fatigue had words that she'd perhaps have thought about more carefully if she'd been functioning on more sleep, escaping easily from her mouth. 'So when are you and Luke going to have one of those?'

Peyton's rocking stopped and she gave Brooke a fierce look.

'What?'

'You know what. Don't give me that, Hales is already on at me twenty four seven about us getting married and settling down and _oh my god your babies are going to be so beautiful. Don't you want to have them now? Then our kids can play together. We can holiday together. It will be the best!_' She imitated their friend with mock enthusiasm.

'You love her' Brooke laughed. 'And she doesn't speak like that'

'I love her' Peyton agreed with a wane smile. 'Just don't jump on the, marriage, baby making wagon please'

Brooke smirked gleefully as Peyton joined her on the sofa. Lara's little eyes had shut now and she turned her head into Peyton's chest. 'Oh my god she's so cute. I can't stop staring'

'Yeah she's a pretty wonderful time waster' Brooke agreed. 'And see, you totally want one and Hales is right, they would be fucking beautiful'

Peyton opened her mouth wide, her hand covering the baby's ears. 'Brooke! Language! There are innocent ears present'

'Yeah, and I'm making the most of this short time where she's not grasping what I'm saying' Brooke grinned. 'Stop avoiding the subject P Sawyer'

Peyton groaned exasperatedly. 'I want one. Yes. I want all of that, but we're not ready. Okay?'

Brooke sighed. 'It would happen now if you'd let that hansom man of yours make you an honest lady'

'You make it sound like he's asked me and I've turned him down'

'Oh please. We both know the only reason he hasn't is because of you. He would of dragged you down the aisle at eighteen if he'd thought you'd let him'

Peyton shook her head. 'Can we drop it now?'

'Fine' Brooke conceded, knowing that this conversation was becoming far more serious than her friend liked. 'So did you come here for any particular reason?'

'No, do I need a reason to come visit my best friend?'

'No, not at all I just...thought you might have something you want to share' Brooke muttered coyly.

Peyton deliberately sought Brooke's evading stare. 'Luke told you about my boss didn't he?' She grumbled.

'Of course he did! He didn't have a choice, I mean apparently you weren't ever going to!'

'What is it with you two ganging up on me lately?'

Brooke laughed. 'We're not! We're just worried about you'

'Eurgh. I'm sick of hearing everyone say that'

'Well I'm sorry if it bothers you but when you've got people around you that love you they tend to worry when said person is being sexually harassed' Brooke hissed assertively.

Peyton cringed into her free hand. 'Brooke honestly, I'm not in danger, I've spoken to him and I have this friend who has been great looking out for me at work.'

'Why didn't you tell me? I mean I get your reservations with telling Luke, I mean fuck, his knight in shining armour complex could have resulted in this guy ending up ten foot underground but me? P I'm you're best friend. You'e meant to be able to come to me with stuff like this'

'Says you? You've got a baby Brooke!' Peyton retorted shrilly.

The brunette looked down. 'Okay, you have a point. But in my defence I only didn't tell you because I felt like you had enough on your plate already where as you, you didn't tell me for no reason'

'For a reason okay. Because its not a big deal'

'Okay we both know if the situation were reversed the last thing you would be saying is its no big deal' Brooke contended.

'Alright. I get it and I'm going to talk to Knight'

'I want to believe you P, I do. But I also know how badly you want to succeed. I just really hope that isn't governing how you deal with this. Because its not you, to let someone take advantage. You've always been the honourable one, you've always made me see sense when I'm doing the wrong thing. God knows where I'd be if I hadn't had you teach me how to be moral. My own fucking mother wasn't up to teaching me the importance of virtue.' She paused and reached over to brush her hand over Lara's smooth little forehead. 'And I can teach her that now, thanks to you P Sawyer but I want her to be able to look up to you and learn from you just like I did'

Peyton blinked and swallowed back the lump in the back of her throat as she looked down at the little girl sleeping peacefully in her arms.

'I...I will talk to him Brooke. I promise you.' She looked up at her friend. 'And you didn't need me to show you right from wrong. You always knew really' She disputed but as she finished she couldn't disguise the tear racing free and running down her face.

Brooke diligently brushed it away.

'What's wrong Peyt? I'm worried about you'

'Nothing...I don't, I don't know...I just don't feel like me lately I guess...I just, I keep thinking, if Luke leaves me I, I don't have a family. I don't have Mum or a Dad or any relatives. No one' She breathed out.

'You have. You'll always have me and Lara. Always. We might not be linked by blood but we may as well be and Luke, god not that I foresee that ever happening but if in your fucked up little theoretical world over there, you two did split up. He'd want to be your friend. Sure it would take a while but no matter what he'll always be there when you need him'

'I know. I know you're right'

'Of course I am' Brooke smiled fondly. 'You're bound to be feeling a little off kilter. You're Dad died and that's thrown a load of uncertainty into your life. You don't just snap your fingers and get over that Peyt. It takes time and it can affect everything, even if its on a subconscious level. You know?'

'I know. But how long can I blame his death for my behaviour B? That's not fair. On anyone. Especially not Luke'

'He understands'

'But for how long? A person can only take so much'

'Hey, if the situation was reversed you wouldn't falter. Not for a second. Nor will Luke. That's my final word on the matter. I'm right' She declared. 'Now, give me that baby because you need to go show lover boy how much you adore him'

Peyton smiled. 'Thanks Brooke...for...you know'

'I know'

Peyton left a lingering kiss on Lara's forehead before reluctantly giving the infant back. 'I'll be seeing you Lara Peyton Davis'

* * *

><p>Peyton had all but crossed the threshold to their apartment when Lucas was before her, eying her with concern.<p>

'Was work okay today?' He took her bag from her and helped her take her coat off.

'Yes' She attempted to walk further into their abode but he stood insistently in her path.

'No incidents with...' He gritted his teeth and trailed off.

'No'

'You swear?'

She looked up at him, irked by his need to be assured.

'I swear' She promised though, because his lack of faith was her own doing.

'You won't lie to me about any of this will you?'

'No Luke' she sighed. 'I'm sorry I kept it from you but I can't lie okay? Not to you' She affirmed sincerely. 'Besides, Derek, the guy who told you-'

'I don't like that guy' He stated.

'Derek?'

'Yeah-'

'Why?'

'I don't know, he gave me the creeps'

A laugh past her lips because his statement seemed absurd. 'Derek's sweet. Next time I'll introduce you properly'

'I'd rather you didn't' He muttered.

'Luke, he's been a good friend' She dismissed, 'Now are you done with the twenty questions? Can I actually go sit down?'

'Sorry, I was just-'

'Worried, I know'

He side stepped out of her way and followed hot on her tail. 'So, fun at Brooke's?' He breezily changed the subject and she stopped in her tracks, eyes narrowed as she turned back to face him.

'You know!' She loudly exclaimed.

'Know what? I know nothing' He turned into the living area, his back to her and she followed hastily.

'You so do. She said I was the first to know but you totally know'

'I have no idea what you're on about'

'Yeah you do' She refuted. 'I know when you're lying mister and you totally know about little Lara Peyton Davis'

'Aww I didn't know about the Peyton bit' He chimed and then he was smiling. 'I rocked up at hers unannounced okay? She'd intended for you to find out first' He justified. 'And you know that's the truth because you're her favourite girl'

'Second favourite now' She grinned. 'But I'm alright with that'

He lent forward and kissed her then. A kiss to say hello, a kiss that was relief to have her home safe and a kiss to congratulate her on their god parent titles. 'So you weren't mad that she left us in the dark?'

'I got over it pretty quick. It's not fair, she has the ultimate argument defuser now. Shove the baby at me and she'll win every time'

'I know, she's not playing fair babe' Lucas agreed. 'Don't worry I've got your back' He winked.

Peyton smiled and slouched on the arm of the nearest chair, her eyes scanning the open space of the living area. 'What's all this?'

He looked at her sheepishly. He knew that all of these boxes of belongings were perhaps not going to receive the nicest welcoming and was anticipating her stormy eyes and high pitched squeal. Because he knew her. But despite all that, he'd done it just the same. Because he wasn't scared of her. He loved her and he wanted to help her and he was certain she needed to do this. So he'd willingly take the brunt of her grief. Anything for her.

'I thought perhaps we could spend the weekend going though all this stuff'

'No' She shook her head dismissively and then her back was to him and her hasty departure was like that of a tornado.

He sighed heavily before following the sounds of kitchen cupboards opening and closing with heavy hands.

'Peyt, come on' He said gently from the doorway as he watched her busy herself with emptying the dishwasher. 'Everything has been in storage for nearly three months now. I just think it would be good for you to look through everything. Choose what you want to keep. It'd be good to look through all his things. You can laugh...cry...grieve' He edged toward her. She liked to be strong. Liked to be independent. She wasn't one of those needy girls. But sometimes, just sometimes he wished she'd let herself be vulnerable. He wished she could see it wasn't weakness. He wished she could see that it was strength, strength to trust him in that way and in all honesty, although not to her knowledge, it was something that even upset him from time to time.

'I don't want to Luke' She sighed tiresomely. 'There's no point. It was absolutely fine in storage. You should have left it there. You should have left it alone. Leave it alone' Her voice was anything but calm, teetering on the edge; some words came out with a scornful, curt edge whilst others wobbled, finally escaping in a chocked whisper as she attempted to disguise her distress.

'Well I had it all sent over and its here now'

'Because you have to always interfere!' She exclaimed, abruptly looking up at him now and abandoning the clean table wear.

'Maybe' He agreed, watching her slouch back against the work surface and cover her face with her hands. He slid his arms around her and stroked her back until her tense, rigid form relaxed. 'Only because I love you. Only when I want to help you. Only when I want to make things better for you. Is that so wrong?'

'Yes' she hissed against his chest.

He smiled and threaded his hand lightly through her tangled curls because despite her unhappy answer, the way she shuffled closer into his arms signified her relenting.

She clung to him suddenly. She knew he'd made his mind up. She could hear it in his voice, see it in his eyes. She hated it when this side of him came out. It was a rarity for him to be at all forceful but on the rare occasion she bought this stubborn streak out in him. He always said it was just learnt from her. They both knew that wasn't true. It was inbuilt, it was a trait that showed itself when her safety was concerned, when her happiness was endangered. And currently he was worried about her mental well being as well as her general health. Because he'd not seen that smile he loved and he'd certainly not heard the laughter her lived to hear.

'A lot of this stuff is yours anyway.' His lips moved against her forehead.

Peyton warily eyed the unwelcome boxes with a heavy heart. She could see her name scrawled in his writing over the boxes nearest her and sighed. Because she was suddenly sure she was being a bitch yet again. Because he'd packed up everything that had sat in her childhood home. Did it without her asking because he knew she couldn't do it herself. He'd had it all put in storage. Had it transferred to New York just so she she could access it whenever she wanted. He'd sorted out the house. Had it cleaned. Had it put on the market. He'd done everything for her. And now he was just trying to help again.

He slowly sat down on the floor, bringing her with him to sit in between his legs.

'I'm sorry' Her voice hummed against his chest.

He stroked her hair and simultaneously reached for the nearest cardboard box, dragging it to them. 'Nothing to be sorry for'

'It's just...'

'Hard' He finished for her when she couldn't seem to summon the strength.

'Yes' she answered meekly.

'Which is why I'm right here. Holding you sweetheart' He pulled back the flap of the box that he'd inscribed_ Peyton's room_. 'This box isn't hard though. This box will make you swoon' His voice lilted playfully.

She looked up at him with an arched eyebrow.

'I enjoyed getting to go through an eighteen year old Peyton Sawyer's room' He bragged mischievously. 'She never let me rummage through her stuff'

Her stare turned indignant. 'It was only my music- you can't put it back in the right place then you don't get to touch' She stressed.

He chortled because she sounded like an eighteen year old Peyton Sawyer. 'Only because you have in impossible system' He defended.

'What's impossible about it?'

'Alphabetised by Genres and Sub Genres and year it was released? It's fucking confusing'

'Only for the incompetent' She sniggered.

'Ha, ha, ha' He droned. 'Well perhaps I'll get the hang of your precious system now that they're moving in with us' He ventured. 'I don't know how you've survived without them so long'

She shrugged, 'There wasn't room when we first moved out here and then it just seemed like a load of effort. Which boxes are they in?' There was an unmistakable excitement in her voice.

'Over there, I thought we could put up some shelves next to the books' His arms tightened around her waist as she made to get up.

'I wanna see'

'We're on this box' He manoeuvred it in front of her, blocking her escape and she looked down into its depths, her eyes widening at its contents.

'Oh my god'

'It's all your Lucas things' He purred happily.

Her fingers laced over her drawings that sat on top. Some of them elicited fond memories while others reminded her of times of heartache and longing.

'I'd not seen all of these before' Lucas helped her sift through them, his eyes lingering on illustrations that had been done at a time where he'd been under the impression that she didn't even like him.

'Well, I didn't want you to see quite how much I idolised the ground you walked on'

'You really did, huh' He grinned gleefully. 'Its kinda stalkerish actually'

'Shut up' She threw her hand back aimlessly to whack him in the shoulder.

'I'm teasing' He laughed. 'I love it' He dug deeper into the box, pulling out an array of tickets and mementos of times they'd shared together as their relationship had slowly blossomed. 'Do you have a box of Lucas stuff hidden here too?' He inquired slyly.

'You're making me sound like a psycho' She chided. 'I'll have you know this is completely normal behaviour. Every girl has boxes of sentimental stuff'

'You're not answering?'

'Yes, if you must know' She huffed.

'I'm just checking you still idolise the ground I walk on' He rubbed her thigh and kissed her shoulder to placate her irritation.

'Yeah well you're walking a thin line mister' she returned her attention to the unseen items, her face crumpling in confusion as she pulled out a lacy undergarment. She looked up over her shoulder inquisitively at Lucas. 'I'm pretty sure these weren't in my Lucas box' She quizzed him.

'Ah yes' He reached for the crimson panties but she scrambled back suddenly, pulling them out of reach. 'I meant to take them out, I thought I'd start making my own Peyton box' He winked.

'You're such a perv!' She exclaimed.

'Hey, I associate those with a very mementos occasion in our relationship actually' He defiantly announced.

'Oh?' She pried, on her knees now facing him.

He held up a ticket. 'You were wearing those the night we went to this gig, do you remember that night?' His voice thrummed seductively, enticing a heat to work its way up her cheeks. She swallowed because she did remember that night. 'That's the first time I fucked you somewhere that wasn't a bed' Her eyes widened a little at his crude recollection and she quickly avoided his intense stare because she knew he'd instantly know of the thrill he'd just sent shivering through her. She swallowed thickly, squeezing her thighs together in an attempt to ease the sudden itch that only he could scratch.

'You remember what underwear I had on?' Her voice sung in amusement because he could remember what underwear she was wearing one night all those years ago but couldn't remember to pick up a pint of milk if she asked.

'Of course I do! Do you know what else you were wearing?'

She thought back to that night for a moment before answering. 'You'd surprised me- we'd been at a game and I didn't have any clothes to change into' She recited.

'Uhuh' He presented her cheerleading outfit from the box.

'I swear you did that on purpose' She accused.

He chuckled. 'Of course I did it on purpose. Do you know what you looked like in this thing?' He was sure she was clueless as to how sexy she was, even to this day. 'Why don't you remind yourself and slip it on?' He artfully suggested.

'You know if you'd wanted me to dress up for you, all you had to do was ask. You didn't have to set all this up'

His wolfish expression was quick to diminish into righteous indignation. 'This isn't a set up' He shook his head honestly, crawling over to where she was knelt. 'No Peyt' He vowed. 'I promised you this would be fun though' He shrugged.

'So you've hidden a little item in each box to fuel a series of sexapades?' She wondered mockingly, her entertainment back.

'No, but damn it that would have been an awesome idea'

'I am queen of ideas' She declared.

'Uhuh. There's a slight flaw in your plan though babe; would of been a bit hard initiating sex while looking through your Dad's stuff, no?'

She grimaced. 'Eurgh. Worse plan ever'

He laughed at her sudden change in opinion. 'I'm still hoping you putting this on is on the cards though...' He beckoned at her with her cheer outfit and she couldn't keep a straight face because his expression went from what she secretly referred to as his sex god face to looking like a complete dork.

'Well' She sighed. 'If its really important to you, I guess I could...' She stood up and pulled her top free from the skirt she was wearing. 'help bring your memory to life'

'Are you just taunting me? Because if so, I demand you stop right now' He sternly warned her.

She answered by slipping her hands beneath her skirt and tugging her tights and black panties down in one. 'Would I do that?' She stepped out of the fabric and tossed it to the floor. 'Here, hold'

He scrambled forward and nearly fell flat on his face in his eagerness to assist her.

She bit her lip to stop from laughing.

'I see your smirk sweetheart' He took a hold of the red lace undergarments she was presenting to him and helpfully held them out for her to step into.

'I was just admiring your ninja style movements'

'I'm not ashamed' He drawled.

She put her hands on his shoulders as he slowly slipped the silky material up her legs and it was only when the crimson lace disappeared beneath her black skirt that he looked up at her.

'There' He hummed, his hands coasting over her now covered backside.

She gently removed his roaming fingers before he undid the diligent work he'd just done. She swallowed thickly and forced herself to look away from him.

'Cheer outfit' She mustered.

He handed her the rest of the clothing and attempted to assist her again but she brushed his hands away, knowing too well that she wouldn't make it into the outfit at all if he kept touching her.

'Uh, uh. No more. Close your eyes' She insisted.

He willingly did so, his ears straining as he listened intently. He soon heard the familiar sound of her zipping up the back of the top and opened one eye.

'Who said you could open yet?'

'Me' He was quickly on his feet, surveying her appreciatively and she couldn't help but think that he looked just like a little boy whose Christmases had all come at once and it made her heart race.

'Live up to your memory?'

'Even better' He muttered dryly, gawping at her. 'God, how were these ever allowed? There's no way in hell I'd ever let our kid wear an outfit this short'

She zoned out for a moment, reminded of her earlier conversation with Brooke. She wondered if her best friend had interrogated Lucas too about the prospect of any future children.

'Mind you, your legs were longer than any other girls...' He proudly noted. 'God, how do you look exactly the same?'

'I do not'

'No? All you need is your little pom poms and you could do a cheer for me'

'Who says I'd be cheering you?'

'You were always cheering for me' He retorted smugly, his hands guiding her to him.

'That's what you thought' She goaded.

'That's mean'

'I'm teasing' She laughed at his pout. 'Of course it was you, always you' She promptly admitted, linking her hands around his neck.

'Damn right it was' His feet walked forwards, hers backward as he steered them toward the far wall. 'The first time I played and saw you standing on the sidelines I knew I had to keep playing, just so I knew your eyes would be guaranteed to be on me for at least a few minutes of the day' He confessed quietly. Her back hit the wall and she arched into him, the top half of her skimpy cheer outfit riding up to expose the creamy skin of her waist. He licked his lips and a hankering groan sounded from deep in his throat.

'Do you miss her Luke?'

'Huh?' Confused, he stopped fiddling with the blue fabric of the little skirt that was doing a poor job of concealing her modesty. 'Who?'

'This Peyton, cheerleading, seventeen'

He grazed his nose over hers, an adoring smile at his lips. 'You do realise you're talking about yourself' He stated.

'I'm none of those things anymore Luke' She whispered.

'You're all of those things, and more sweetheart' He asserted, his hands trailing persistently up and down her slender form. He took a shaky breath and forced himself to look into her eyes before he got distracted 'Just cause I'm getting off on you in this does not mean I wish you were seventeen again' He tried to hide his amusement at her questioning but it seemed absurd to him. Because he didn't long to go back to that time at all. Too much confusion and high school drama did not compel him to relieve their teenage years. Because now he had her. Had her completely. They'd built a life together.

'No?'

'No. You wanna know why that night sticks in my memory the most?' His eyes drifted shut, his words whispering across her lips. He couldn't stop himself from pressing their bodies flush together. It was too much. He needed to feel her completely against him.

She sighed contentedly. 'Why?'

'Cause you told me it was the first time you'd ever had sex standing up'

She could hear the sheepish smile in his voice.

'I like that I was your first something. That no one else has, that that's mine only' His face was in the crook of her neck now, kissing the sensitive skin there and she bit her lip at his confession because he wasn't the jealous type.

'You were my first at lots of things Luke' She indulged him.

He knowingly located the zip at the bottom of the little blue ravens top and jerked it up to the armhole. 'Oh?' Her mouth opened a little and he sensed that she may need some persuasion in revealing what exactly. He grazed her lips with his. His nose nuzzled hers. His tongue traced her lower lip before slipping between her teeth to find her own.

A guttural whimper reverberated from her and she clung to him, desperate to get closer.

'Like what?' He eventually pulled back a little, his words an exhale.

'You're the first and only I've ever swallowed for'

'Fuck Peyton' His lower half abruptly thrust forward against her and she gasped in response.

'You were first to...' She hesitated as he fervently hiked up her little blue skirt. 'take me from be...hind' She faltered on her last word as she watched his hungry eyes take in her unveiled crimson underwear.

The sight, together with her admissions had his pants straining uncomfortably and his mind whirling in a frenzy of need.

'First drunk sex' He hooked her leg up and around him and no sooner had he secured her leg was he unfastening his pants.

'First-'

'Stop' He grunted. 'No more' He couldn't handle anymore. It was too much. He needed inside of her.

He urgently hooked his finger beneath her panties and shifted them to the side. There was no time for undress and she whole heartily agreed on his decisive action. Her fingers actively freed him from his gaping pants and then he was _there _and she was shifting her hips forward and he growled into her neck as he entered her.

There was a lull in their urgency, a tremored exhale of relief sounding from them.

Their vertical position, together with the leverage of the wall allowed him to drive further inside her, filling her completely in a way that left her disabled, her thighs quivering beneath his hands.

'Okay?' His voice strained.

'Mm' Was all she could manage because of course she was okay. More than okay.

His mouth abruptly covered hers, his tongue seeking hers demandingly ravishing her, their joined lower halves resuming a similar motion.

She ardently reciprocated and he hoisted her further up the wall.

Her resulting squeal was muffled, her hands clawing at his hair as the building pressure governed their reckless abandon.

Their swollen lips eventually separated in favour of getting air to their deprived lungs and she tilted her head back, eyes closed.

'So beautiful' He rasped as he looked at her adoringly.

Her eyes fluttered open to look into the dark blue pair that were gazing at her.

'I love you' He breathed.

Her hands forced his head forward to hers, their breaths mingling.

'I love you' She vowed and then they were both falling. Hearts racing, hands clenching, her thighs locking tightly around him, his vision blurring. Warmth and pleasure. Bliss. Bliss. Bliss.

It wasn't long before exhaustion had his arms trembling under the strain of holding her. But he wouldn't leave her, didn't want to untangle her from him. Instead he staggered, turning them until his back was against the wall and then he slid down the hard surface. Her feet unlocked from behind him but she stayed fully straddling his lap, her head coming to rest on his shoulder.

He unconsciously trailed his hand through her messy locks.

'What was the last one you were going to say?' He finally murmured, his voice low and gravely.

'Huh?' She looked up at him blearily.

'The last first?'

'Oh' She smiled sweetly, returning her face to the crook of his neck. 'First real and only person I'll ever be in love with' Her lips ghosted a kiss to the spot where her face laid and his heart melted at her words. Because she'd been with others, they both had. Had said _I love yous_ to others. But hearing her say that, it stirred something carnal inside of him.

She gasped, the sensation of feeling him harden within her was erotic.

'Again? Already?'

He shifted beneath her, a hand gripping her hip to him as he pushed her back onto the floor. He smirked at her startled expression. 'Don't worry, we'll take it slow this time'

He'd undress her slowly, caress and worship her silky skin until she was a shuddering mess beneath him and she'd welcome it all. Because for a little while all those other conflicting doubts and insecurities that had been filling her head would disappear, because he loved her and she loved him. And for a little while that's all that mattered.


	5. Chapter 5

Peyton took a shaky breath as she knocked on the door of _his_ office.

She'd been dreading this for the last two days but she knew she couldn't put it off any longer, for both her own sanity and to help ease Lucas's persistent worrying.

John Knight had been a way on some business meetings for the most part of the first half of the week but he was back.

'Come in'

His voice had come to generate the same queazy feeling in the pit of her belly. She pushed her tongue to the roof of her mouth before letting herself into the spacious room.

He was sat at his desk, a row of framed black LPs lined the wall behind him; his trophies of past success.

'Ah blondie, I was hoping you'd drop by today' He leered at her in a way that had Peyton looking to the floor as she walked further into his lair.

'Julian just sent the edited shots over from The Starlings shoot the other day' She steadily laid out the images on his desk of what he'd determined would be his next big band.

'Oh yes, wonderful. Did everything run smoothly on the day?' He stood up, stooping over the flat surface to inspect the images.

'Yes, some of the wardrobe that had been picked out wasn't working so we tried a few different things but I think we've got a few contenders there that can definitely be used for the front of the album'

'Mm' He nodded, his eyes scanning the said photographs. 'Yes. I agree, these are ideal. Julian has quickly become our go to photographer huh?'

'He's brilliant, not to mention lovely' She agreed.

'Come round here'

She tentatively moved around the desk, being sure to keep a distance between them.

'What's your favourite?'

She joined him in studying the final shots. There were a collection in both colour and black and white depicting the artist dressed in a dark corset that was somehow sophisticated, rocker and sexy all at once 'I like the black and white ones best, I think they're more dramatic and portray the album better' She answered honestly.

'Yes, yes. I think I agree and the black and white ones somehow manage to make little Ana look a little beautiful'

Peyton scowled unhappily. 'Well I think she always looks beautiful John but yes they emphasise her features' She worded carefully.

He chuckled, turning his back on the images, sitting on the desk edge and crossing his legs. 'Come now Peyton, she's not here. You don't always have to be likeable'

'I'm not trying to be likeable John. I don't find pleasure in putting others down'

'Ana would quite happily bad mouth you'

Peyton shrugged. 'Well that doesn't bother me. We're not friends' she tucked her hair behind her ear. 'That's her problem'

'Mm' He smiled. 'You know its a shame your hair wasn't dark like hers because we could use the shots Julian did of you'

Her eyes jerked to meet his.

'Julian emailed over all the initial files' He answered her startled expression.

Her mouth opened and closed and then she was looking down again to avoid his intense stare.

'I didn't know you were quite the budding model darling'

'I'm not' She shook her head. 'Ana and the band, they were running late at that interview they had with Q magazine and well it was a tight schedule because Julian had another job he had to get to so we decided to workout some poses and set ups while we were waiting for them to arrive-'

'I'm not complaining. Not at all. Using your initiative and saving me time and money is always welcomed' She jumped back in surprise as his hand reached for the draw where she was stood. He produced several images of her and she cringed as she was faced with the prints. He took his time in arranging them beneath the corresponding existing photographs. 'Mm this ones my favourite' His finger trailed crassly up her pale legs that were exhibited in the image directly before her, lingering at her crotch.

'John' She warned.

'Come now, don't be modest; when you compare them with the final ones theres no question which anyone would rather stare at'

'They're just quick snaps that were done for our benefit to help speed the process up so we didn't waste any more time than necessary and I really don't think...' She paused, hastily gathering the photographs of herself up. '..there's any need for you to have these'

'You've gone red' He chortled. 'There's no need to be embarrassed darling' He sidled up close to her and she ricochetted back. 'They're sexy'

Her eyes scrunched up in disdain and her fingers instinctively fisted around the sheets of paper in her grasp.

'This has to stop' She ground out.

In the seconds she'd closed her eyes he'd slyly moved behind her and his voice sounding behind her jarred through her.

'What has to stop blondie?' He made a small step forward and her eyes snapped open as his solid form came into contact with her back.

She automatically lurched forward, her legs hitting the desk before her.

She winced.

'Steady' His hands planted themselves on her hips all too eagerly to balance her.

'Get off' She clamoured, her fingers roughly brushing his hands away. 'I'm in a relationship John' She tersely announced, taking an abrupt side step out of his trap.

'So you've told me' He let her go, watching as she staggered.

'And Lucas knows'

'Knows what darling?'

She crossed her arms in front of herself and continued to retreat away from him. 'About you and he's really not happy'

'About me? What about me?' His eyes held amusement and feigned confusion that had her wanting to stamp her feet like a child. 'Not happy, why is that? Forgive me, I don't quite follow darling?'

'Because I've told him how you make me uncomfortable' She spouted irritatedly.

'I make you uncomfortable?-'

'Yes' She exclaimed before he could completely discredit her accusation and make her feel like she were crazy. Because that's what he did. The insinuations were always followed by manipulative words that left her feeling like she was overreacting. 'I think I've made my feelings pretty clear. I'm flattered, really I am, but I'm not, in any way interested' She bluntly worded because any subtle remarks she'd previously made clearly weren't getting through.

She didn't know what to expect from him. He was quiet and then strolled casually back to his chair, sitting down.

'I wasn't aware that I'd ever asked you out'

She ignored him and soldiered on. 'I don't know what you were hoping was going to happen but it doesn't matter, whether it were a relationship or just sex, I'm not interested. And if you keep doing _this_' Her hands wavered the rolled up images of herself expressively as she spoke. 'Then I'm going to be forced to report you and I don't want to do that. I want this to just end here' She bravely regarded him, anticipating his answer.

'Well I'm glad we've cleared that up' He clapped his hands together. 'I'm sorry if you think I've overstepped the mark darling' His delivery was slow, his tone condescending. 'I've never intended to make you uncomfortable. Everyone knows I'm a physical person and have a crude mouth but not for a moment did I realise you thought I wanted...' He trailed off shaking his head. 'But I'm glad you've told me. I'll most certainly be on my best behaviour in future. Ok?'

She gritted her teeth. With his words her nerves and discomfort had morphed into that of anger. She didn't know what she'd expected, certainly not for him to hold his hands up and be sincere but his feigned befuddlement irked her.

Still, she'd said her piece and wanted out of his office so a 'Thank you' past her lips and then she migrated toward the door.

'Oh Peyton?'

She reluctantly looked back at him over her shoulder. 'You can tell Julian I think we'll go with this one' He held up the image of Ana in the same pose that he'd just been ogling at of herself and she suddenly hated all of the photographs.

'Okay'

'And by the way I need you to work this weekend' Her expression was deflated as she stared back at him because this was clearly her punishment for defying him. 'I mean this is important to you right?'

'Of course it is, it's just...'

'What?' He raised his brow. 'By all means don't feel like you have to say yes, I can get someone else in to help-'

'No. This weekend, it's fine' She agreed. 'Is that all?'

'Uhuh' He cheerily saluted at her and she hurriedly scarpered. But she felt no relief. Because she was sure all she'd just achieved was pissing him off.

-X-

'So how's things? You've got your book launch for the next best selling L. E. Scott novel coming up right?'

'Urgh, I'm trying to not think about it'

'How can you be nervous? You're in your mid twenties and you've had two books that have reached the top of the charts'

'Exactly. Everyone is waiting for me to fail'

'Luke' She shifted her feet, holding Lara with one arm around the child's waist while her other hand was preoccupied with shaking a bottle of milk. 'Don't think like that'

'This book, it, it's different. It's not as uplifting'

'Life isn't made of sunshine and rainbows. Honesty is beautiful. Here take her'

Lucas held his hands out, supportively taking Lara in his arms while Brooke tested the temperature of the milk on her wrist.

Knowingly Lara held her chubby hands out, wavering them while making a shrill demanding noise followed by a realm of unintelligible language.

'It's coming, it's coming' Brooke cooed. 'You wanna feed her?'

'Sure' Lucas gladly accepted the bottle, laughing as Lara quickly latched on to the teat, guzzling furiously.

'Anyone would think I starved you little lady' Brooke sat down at the table and watched fondly as Lucas naturally fed her precious cargo.

'I'm not exactly my publishers favourite person right now, what with bailing on the book tour' He confided.

'Surely they understood'

'Lindsey's been great at having my back but I know I pissed off a lot of people- that tour was something they spent money on. They thought it would be good to make the circuit again with the last book so people had my name drummed into their head ready for the next one. Some marketing scheme'

'Try not to worry. You know as well as I that to every job there's those people in play that are there to care about the money and nothing else'

'I know, I know. I just don't want to offend anyone. Not when they've all been so good to me'

'And that's why everyone loves you Lucas Scott' Brooke chimed sweetly. 'And even if no one else buys it, you can be sure it'll be on my shelf. That's if I can get a copy. You know what your girlfriend's like when it comes to hoarding copies of anything that has your name on it' She laughed.

He smiled yearningly. Because she was right. Peyton Sawyer couldn't seem to pass a book store without proudly seeking out her boyfriend's book. She'd run in through the front door and flaunt it in his face with an adorable smile that would have him laughing at her. But he refused to let her put them on the bookshelf for the whole world to see, fearing everyone would think he was crazy, not to mention obnoxious. So instead she hoarded them in their bedroom and had a pile stacked so high that she'd taken to using them as a bedside table. He'd tease her frequently for it but deep down he loved her loyalty and pride over his written words.

She'd not read this book yet though. She'd not had the time. And he'd not thought anything of it. Not for a second because of course in the months leading up to it's release she'd had a lot on her plate. And in his eyes, her father's death exempted her from everything. That's not to say he didn't miss her usual whining to read the finished article. He'd usually have to ward of her sneaky attempts to get a sneak preview as he made the final alterations. But he'd not had to deal with that this time round. If anything she was completely oblivious to the swiftly approaching launch date.

He shook himself from his contemplative wonderings and forced himself to think about other matters. 'By the way, are you and Lara doing anything at the weekend? I'll probably be in Central Park with a book if you fancy getting out for a picnic or something?'

'Where's Peyton?'

'She'll probably be working' He brusquely answered.

'Again? Not the whole weekend surely?'

'Probably'

'That's crazy'

His mindful attempt at steering his line of thought away from his girlfriend was quickly abolished.

'Don't even get me started. Since she told that...' He gritted his teeth and refrained from swearing. 'Since she told her boss that she'd press charges if he carried on with the inappropriate behaviour he's been putting her through the mill.' He sighed. 'I just feel so helpless. I want to go in there and kill the guy because he's making her feel like she hasn't got a choice. If she leaves she thinks he'll make it impossible for her to find any other job in the industry' He stroked Lara's little hand. 'And then the next minute I'm mad at her because I feel like she's just decided to let him walk all over her. I've not had more than hour with her in the last few weeks when we haven't been interrupted by a work call' He divulged. 'Fuck. You're the last person I should be telling this to'

He missed having his brother just a short walk away. Because instead his closest friend in this city was this young mother and despite his soft spot for the sparky brunette, she didn't exactly qualify at giving him man to man advice. Not just that, but it didn't exactly help that she happened to cohere with his other half on a frequent basis.

'Contrary to popular belief, I can keep my mouth shut Luke' Brooke smirked. 'But yeah you probably shouldn't be telling your girlfriend's best friend whats pissing you off about her' She taunted. 'However I happen to want my girl to be happy and I know that equals you'

'Really? Because the last couple of months I feel like she's in a relationship with her job, not me' He blurted.

'You're being a needy bitch right now Lucas Scott'

He crinkled his nose and squinted at her. 'I am not. Don't speak about me like that in front of Lara, I want her to see me as the cool super hero guy'

She sniggered. 'Super hero?'

'Uhuh. Maybe I'll start writing comics that follow my grand adventures, that way she'll never tire of me'

'You don't need to win her over with impressive talents Luke; I think that little traitor would happily go anywhere with you right now seeing as you're holding the goods' She said of the nearly empty bottle in his grasp. 'I know, I need someone to watch her on Saturday because I have to be at this catwalk thing' She wavered her hand dismissively and Lucas smiled because her work was suddenly her last priority, the little girl in her arms being her main concern. And he'd never imagined the brunette as a mother but now he couldn't not because she was a natural and it was as though Lara had been bought into this world just for her. They were made for each other. 'Why don't I ask Peyton? That way you two can spend the day together and look after this little beauty'

'Until something important comes up'

'But nothing's more important than this little munchkin'

'Surely I shouldn't have to enrol her best friend's child for a day of babysitting in order to spend time with my girlfriend. Shouldn't I be as important as the little munchkin' Lucas complained.

'You are. Luke she's just distracted, things will get better' Brooke tried to reassure him. 'Its been a tough year so far'

'I know, god I know that. And I feel fucking terrible for getting irritated with her but...'

'You're only human Luke. You're still allowed to get pissed at her.' Brooke softly admitted.

He nodded. But he didn't feel as though he was allowed because he'd never really had a proper reason to be upset with her before. Sure they had petty arguments from time to time but lately he longed for those petty arguments because they ended with them laughing and kissing. This was different. This resulted in an uneasy feeling, a simmering of frustration, a feeling that he was most certainly not a fan of. So he kept telling himself he was overreacting or in the wrong because he wouldn't be upset with her. He couldn't be.

-X-

'So this is nice'

Peyton smiled but it didn't quite reach her eyes and Lucas caught her glancing at her bag and knew she wanted to check her phone.

'Peyt you don't owe them anything. It's your weekend, you're entitled to relax'

'I know. I know. You're right. I'm just...they know I'm not ill, I feel bad about lying and you totally could have looked after Lara by yourself-'

'Yeah, well who cares. You've worked fifteen days straight I think they can survive without you for one day' Lucas dismissed. 'Here take her, she'll help you relax' He unbuckled the safety straps of Lara's push chair and lifted her out to join them on the blanket. 'Brooke says she doesn't think it'll be long till she's crawling now, isn't that right madam?' He affectionately rubbed his nose with the little girl 's button one and she beamed happily. 'Soon we'll be wanting to keep you buckled in so we don't have to run around stopping you from escaping' He held her above the blanket until her little feet touched the ground, her chubby legs automatically kicking out and Lucas bounced her over to an awaiting Peyton.

'Hey baby' She smiled. 'Aren't you clever' She chimed. 'God how did you get so cute Lara?' She laid back, her head resting on Lucas' legs and lifted the infant onto her stomach.

'See, aren't you glad your here?'

'She's a pretty good distracter' Peyton agreed. 'You do know that if I could I'd spend every day like this, with you, right?' She tore her eyes away from the gurgling little girl to look up into Lucas' face.

He fiddled with her hair and lent down kissing her nose. He'd needed to hear that. 'Me too sweetheart' He smiled. 'Ahh'

'What?' Peyton averted her eyes, peering around his face to see that their audience had a tight grasp on his hair. 'Oh. Hey you cheeky monkey' She reached up, unfurling the little fist to free him.

'God, she's strong' Lucas rubbed his head dramatically, sitting upright again.

'He's a baby isn't he Lara?' Peyton teased. She bent her legs, propping Lara against her knees and the little girl giggled her amusement, her hands clawing at thin air as she tried to reach Lucas' hair again. 'Oh, you thought that was funny huh? Me too' Peyton laughed.

'God, why couldn't she have adopted a boy, it's about time I had someone to side with me' Lucas complained.

'Hey you love us girls' Peyton retorted.

'Mm, I do. Even if I am outnumbered' He grumbled.

Peyton sat up, lifting Lara to cradle her properly in her arms so that she could move closer to Lucas. 'Would a kiss make you feel better baby?' She kinked her eyebrow and he loved the familiar expression she was making. He missed seeing that mischievous glint in her eyes.

'Mm' He nodded. 'It might help a little'

She smirked, leaning into him and tilting her head from side to side, her lips shadowing his teasingly.

He dipped his head forward with the intention of connecting their mouthes but she pulled back a fraction, her sweet, perfect lips grazing his. 'Better?' She whispered.

'You're such a tease' He answered.

She rolled her eyes and angled her face toward him again to give him what he wanted.

'Ahh' She gasped, her head jolting back and Lucas laughed along with the little girl's shriek of delight.

'Aww she's a baby isn't she Lara' Lucas sung.

'Get her to let go!' Peyton whined, struggling to hold the child and detach the little hand that had a strong hold of her hair.

'Oh but you're making her smile Peyt'

'Luke!"

'Okay, okay' He opened Lara's balled hand and took her into his own arms. 'Do you need me to kiss it better baby?'

She scowled but it soon diminished as she looked at her boyfriend with her best friend's precious daughter in his arms. She couldn't help but think how much it suited him and it made her tingle inside. She swallowed thickly. 'Yes' She did need him to kiss her better because her body was a traitor; looking at him with Lara seemingly had her biological clock humming in approval and she wasn't ready for that, not yet, regardless of what either Brooke and Haley thought. But their opinion didn't matter. Lucas' however did and she was becoming worried that he was more than ready to incorporate a child into their life. And that thought terrified her. So she urged him to kiss her because his clever tongue could stop the crazy thoughts flitting through her mind.

-X-

'Excuse me Mr Scott, will you sign my copies'

Lucas rolled his eyes at his friends' antics.

'Guys this isn't a book signing, its meant to just be a showy party for the press'

'Oh now he's famous he doesn't have time for us Hales' Brooke pouted.

'He left his little hometown and made it in the big apple and I'm just not cool enough for him' Haley agreed. 'I fly all the way out just for this and this is the thanks I get'

'Gees you two are so embarrassing' Lucas whined, snatching Brooke's book from her hands. 'Have you got a pen then cheery?' He grumbled.

Haley's hand appeared with a prepared writing tool. He muttered a thanks before scrawling a message in Brooke's book.

'Next' He wavered his hand for Haley's, eyes widening when she laid down five copies. 'Jesus Hales. How many do you need?'

'Well me, Nate, Jamie and then my Mum and Dad wanted a copy and your Mum demanded I bring her back one too'

'You, Nate and Jamie?' He looked at her through squinted eyes. 'I feel the need to point out to you that you all live under the same roof'

'I'm not letting them get their mucky paws all over my one!" She explained. 'Besides, don't you want your nephew to have a prized copy. Who knows, it might be worth a bit one day, he could buy his first car with it' She taunted.

'Nice sentiment Hales, really' He rolled his eyes but reluctantly went about signing each hard back, diligently inscribing each one with a personal message.

'Have you heard from my girl?' Brooke inquired as they watched on.

'Er, yeah she's running a bit late'

'She'll be here Luke' Brooke's certainty made him hopeful that she was right. Usually he'd not doubt it for a second but what with her dramatic increase in work hours as of late, he was no longer surprised by her missing things. But this was the one occasion where he minded. He minded a whole lot. Because he really wanted her there, needed her there.

'I know' He closed the last book and smiled up at his two friends. 'There you go you two crazies'

'Thanks best friend' Haley kissed his cheek. 'We're real proud of you buddy'

'Thanks Hales. And I really do appreciate you coming out here for this' He smiled sweetly at her. 'And I wish I could stay here with you both but I kinda have to make the rounds, you know?'

'Of course, of course' Haley grinned. 'We know. Don't worry.'

Lucas looked at her through narrowed eyes. 'Why do I get the feeling this is just an excuse for you to have a girls weekend?' He tormented.

'Lucas Eugene Scott, I'm offended' Haley covered her hand with her heart. 'Of all the things in the world, seriously!' She dramatically exclaimed. 'I would never, ever, ever-'

'Okay, okay, you can stop with the dramatics' He shook his head, his expression amused. 'Regardless, I'm glad your here' He backed away from them with his hands raised in surrender. 'I'll see you in a bit'

'He's way smarter than Nate. He didn't even question it when I suggested he stay home and have a guys weekend' Haley noted. 'It's like it didn't even click that he'd be looking after a child' Brooke watched her friend's face morph into one of concern. 'Oh god. I never should have left. What if he's forgotten all about him-'

'Chill tutor girl, gees, he's Jamie's Dad, give him a little credit. The kid will be fine'

'You're right' Haley breathed in and out and shook her hands before her, as though waving a way her paranoid worrying. 'I can't help it. I turn into a mess when I'm way from him for more than a few hours' She complained.

'I'm beginning to know what you mean' Brooke confessed with a little smile and Haley squealed in delight.

'God I keep forgetting' She clapped her hands together in sheer excitement. 'I'm so excited to see her'

'I'm excited for you to see her too Hales. She's kind of perfect' Brooke gushed proudly. 'You'll love her'

'It suits you, being a mum'

'Why thanks, it feels good' Brooke beamed. 'I've never been this happy or content. Even when I'm exhausted she makes me smile'

'I know how that is. They make everything better. Now it's just Peyton and Luke. Think they'll get on the baby making trend soon?'

'Oh, I don't know' Brooke shrugged. 'I think it's not really the time. Things have been tough for them lately' She disclosed.

'Yeah' Haley nodded, the topic of their friend urging her to look down at her watch. 'Shouldn't she be here by now?'

'Yes' Brooke shifted her weight, her eyes scanning the filled room. She was tempted to try ringing the blonde in question but also didn't want to get involved in a potential dispute that she foresaw occurring between her two friends. 'Where are you P Sawyer?'

An hour past Brooke was still asking the same question to herself when Lucas reappeared beside her.

'Where's Hales?'

'Ladies room' She replied. 'Still no Peyton huh?'

'I should have never got my hopes up. I should have assumed...'

'No you shouldn't' Brooke sighed. This feeling was unfamiliar to her, because Peyton had never given her reason to be disappointed in her. Definitely not in recent years. Sure they'd had their disagreements in their teenage years but since they'd become young ladies any differences they'd once quarrelled over had long been forgotten. 'She should have been here. She should be here right now Luke' She squeezed his hand. 'I'm sorry'

'Thanks Brooke, you're not the one that owes me an apology though'

'No. That girl has some serious making up to do'

Lucas smiled sadly at her. He wasn't sure an apology would cut it for him, he was pretty sure that whatever she said he was going to end up launching an argument. Because there were things he needed to get off his chest.

'Ooo do you have any little erotic fantasies you want me to get her to act out' Brooke smirked wickedly.

Despite his lack of surprise at her suggestion, his cheeks still reddened somewhat at her proposition sending Brooke into a fit of laughter.

'Ha ha ha' He rolled his eyes. 'She told you didn't she?'

'Told me what?'

'About...' He trailed off, quickly realising by the brunette's eager expression that Peyton had in fact not indulged her best friend with his desire to see her in her cheer outfit once more. 'Nothing'

'You have to tell me!' Brooke exclaimed, her eyes sparkling with excitement.

'I don't have to tell you anything' Lucas snorted. 'Especially not about my sex life'

Brooke looked up at him with meddling eyes. 'Whatever, I knew you two were too private for you not to have some crazy kind of shit going on behind closed doors. It's always the quiet ones' She tormented.

He shook his head and laughed. 'Get your head out of the gutter Brooke' He reprimanded. 'Anyway, aren't you past your curfew, haven't you got a babysitter to get back to?'

'Yeah, Hales and I were going to jump ship in a minute. Are you sure you don't mind though, I could always go and she could stay at get a cab back to mine when Peyton turns up'

'If she turns up' He muttered, a weary smile at his lips. 'No, no. You should both go. This won't go on for much longer. Besides this is my party, I'm sure there are a few people left that will want to talk to me'

'If you're sure'

'I'm sure. Go on, go find her and get out of here' He kissed her cheek and shushed her away, his heart sinking because Brooke's sympathy wasn't making him feel better. It was only reiterating that his girlfriend's lack of appearance definitely was something that warranted him being annoyed with her and he didn't want to be angry with her. But as he saw her standing across from him not five minutes later, her blue dress a little crumpled, her cheeks rosy and flustered, he realised he was definitely both angry and upset with her.

-X-

'Luke...are you okay?' She meekly questioned.

He'd not said anything to her for a long while, his feet instead stomping around their bedroom as he undressed.

'I just don't know why you even bothered coming' He blurted, tossing his shirt into the washing basket.

'Luke-'

'You might as well of just come straight here'

Her face crumpled as she sat on the edge of the bed, watching his haphazard movements. 'I wanted to be there-'

'Well you weren't' He barked.

'You don't get it- I couldn't just leave. He needed me to stay-'

'He needed you? John Knight needed you? I fucking needed you' he ranted loudly. 'God Peyton, I think I'm pretty damn supportive of you and I don't think I'm overreacting in being upset here' He took a breath and his angry expression turned to one of sadness and she suddenly wished that his frown would reappear. 'You should want to support me-'

'I do, I did.' She stood up 'God Luke how many times do I have to say sorry. I screwed up!' She exclaimed, her frustration clear.

'It's not just about tonight; I barely see you anymore. You're always fucking working and when you're not you're exhausted'

'What does that mean? Is this about sex? You're pissed off because I'm not around enough to meet your needs' She erratically spouted.

'That's not-'

'Go fuck yourself Luke' Her face was irate as she made for the door.

'That's not- Where do you think you're going?' He followed her, hot on her tail.

'I can't look at you right now' She hurried down the hallway.

'Hang on. Why're you pissed at me? Fuck. I'm the one that's upset here. You're the one that didn't fucking turn up to my book launch'

She spun around. 'I did!'

Her abrupt halt made him stumble into her 'Peyton-'

She took a step back. 'You're having a go at me for not being around as much but I seem to remember not so long ago you flitting from here to LA to meet with Lindsey the editor- did I fucking complain once?!'

'I knew you were fucking jealous of Lindsey!'

'I was not jealous!' She growled but her hysteria on the matter said everything to the contrary.

'You really shouldn't be!- I'd never do that to you- everyone is irrelevant but you. Everyone in that room tonight was fucking irrelevant cause you're the only one I wanted to share it with'

'I'm sorry I wasn't there. I am. You're all I've been thinking about all fucking day and evening'

He watched her flail her arms and then the tears started and damn it he hated it when she cried.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and avoided watching her emotional speech.

'I feel awful...I know I fucked up... I know, I know you needed me and I tried to escape, I did' She exhaled shakily. 'It's not like I maliciously made a choice not to be there' She continued.

He sighed. 'I know...' He exhaled heavily. He did know that. He sat down on the sofa, his head hung in frustration. 'I wasn't implying at any point that I'm unsatisfied with our sex life Peyton' He announced wearily. 'I was trying to get across that I'm not just pissed off because I wanted you there tonight, I'm pissed off that you're working ridiculous hours and you're not getting any benefits- you're going to end up getting ill'

'I'm fine' She sniffled as she approached the sofa he was sat on.

'Are you?'

She knelt before him.

'Cause I'm not. When was the last time we went out and spent a full day or night together? Just the two of us?'

Startled, her eyes averted to the ground 'Last weekend, the park'

'Lara was with us, not that I'm complaining about her presence but I had to get you to babysit in order to be with you-'

'Your birthday'

'We weren't alone' He closed the gap between them, his hands sliding up and down her forearms. 'Baby I feel like I'm losing you to this job and I don't want to loose you.'

'You're not' She looked up at him fretfully. 'You're not losing me'

'Can't you see what that bastard is doing. He's punishing you for turning him down. He's running you into the ground. You can't deal with this, especially right now, you've not had enough time to process your Dad's death. You need to take time, you can't run away. It's not going to disappear'

Aggravated, she shook her head. 'That's not what I'm doing. I'm sick of everyone telling me what I'm doing and what I need'

He begged to differ but knew not to push the subject, instead he murmured. 'I miss you'

'I'm right here'

'For how long?' He smiled wanly. 'Cause even though it's after midnight, I guarantee your phone is going to buzz at some stupid hour and even though we'll be in the same place, it won't be me you'll be with when you pick it up'

She dug her hand into her pocket and fished her phone out, fingers fumbling to turn it off.

'I'm all yours' She shoved it on the coffee table behind her, out of the way. 'All night. I promise. I'm sorry' She shuffled forwards on her knees until she was knelt between his legs and kissed the underside of his jaw. 'Things will get easier soon Luke, I know it'

He rested his chin atop her head with a feeble sigh, his arms moving around her. He wished he could summon the same optimism that she did to believe that that were true.

'I'm so sorry I wasn't there Luke. I'm so proud of you' But then she was telling him things like that and he wouldn't linger on the dread of nights spent alone, more time spent apart because she was here now and she was whispering things in his ear that had him wanting to do nothing but kiss her.


	6. Chapter 6

She didn't know how long she'd been stood there. She wrung her hands together and inhaled sharply because she couldn't cry over this. Not when she couldn't cry over her father's death. Her nose prickled and her eyes stung at the thought and tears quickly blurred her vision despite her efforts to ward them off.

'Fuck. Fuck. Fuck' She choked out. She blinked furiously, stubbornly fighting the lump in the back of her throat as she paced back and forth in the small box room.

'Peyton?'

She startled, yelping out in surprise at the intrusion. 'Fuck!'

'Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you'

'Derek' She held her hand to her heart.

'What're you doing in here?' He regarded her with both curiosity and concern.

She scraped her hand through her hair and her eyes did a little lap of the small space. Two photocopiers sat beside her and a row of filing cabinets lined the opposite wall 'Oh I dunno. I guess I use to spend so much time in here when I first started that it's my little den away from the stresses of my office'

He smiled in amusement.

'You're stressed because?' He lent against the doorframe.

She looked down, trailing her finger over the copying machine. She'd hated this contraption but she had a sudden longing to just go back to that time when everything had been so exciting and new and just easier.

'John offered me a promotion this morning'

'Oh my god' He marched towards her and within two strides cocooned her in his strong arms. 'That's great news Peyton!'

His abrupt hug took her by surprise and she awkwardly let her hands briefly reciprocate but she didn't answer verbally. Couldn't process an answer.

'Isn't it?' He pulled back, his hands holding her forearms as he looked down at her.

'It's in LA for the first 8 weeks'

'And?'

'And Lucas isn't in LA!' She flailed her arms. 'I can't take it. I can't. I just can't.' She kicked the copier in frustration. 'He's done this on purpose. He's just trying to fuck up my life because I won't fuck him'

Derek opened and closed his mouth 'I...' He trailed off, cautiously biting his tongue.

'What?' She looked up at him sensing he wanted to say something and she was interested in his thoughts on the matter.

'I don't want to get in the middle of you and Lucas-'

'You're not. You're my friend. We're just talking Derek'

He looked down uncertainly but then he was looking up at her again, eyes dark and intense. 'Lucas is a good guy. Don't get me wrong. I like him. I just, I think you've sacrificed a lot for him. You came here because of him right? He went to New York, you followed. But what about you. Maybe this job offer in LA would be good for you. It could be the best thing. Sometimes you have to be selfish. For your own sake'

'I haven't sacrificed anything for Lucas. I wanted to come here just as much as him' Her brow crumpled in thought, because he was right; after high school she'd been offered an internship in LA but had turned it down without even informing Lucas of the opportunity because by that time he'd decided that he'd be coming to New York. It had not even been a decision in her mind, because she had to be where he was. So in a sense Derek was right; Lucas was her only motivation for being here. But it wasn't like he put it. 'We've both made compromises but that's what you do in a relationship. You give and take and Lucas constantly gives to me. He gives me happiness' That was the truth. He'd do anything for her in a heartbeat. She knew that. He'd proved that to her many a time. He took time away from working whenever she was slightly under the weather just to fuss over her. He surprised her with weekends away. He bought her flowers for no reason. He bailed on his book tour just to support her.

'It's not really a compromise if you're always the one that loses out'

Her eyes narrowed because she didn't really understand how he'd came to this conclusion because she was sure he didn't know enough about her relationship to be making comments like that.

'You're wrong'

'I've upset you. I'm sorry' He shook his head and quickly took her hands. 'Maybe I didn't word that very well...I just mean, he's got success and you've moaned on more than one occasion that he's hinted that he wants to go back to Tree Hill and settle down. You just make it sound like he wants you to be a kept woman. You know?' She wondered if that's what everyone perceived of their relationship. Surely not. Because it was all wrong.

'He...he doesn't want that. He just sees that place as home. He has fond memories of there and as much pain as I associate with Tree Hill, my happiest memories are there too' She mutters. 'He just wants me to be happy'

'Okay. So he'll be happy for you and okay with you doing this' Derek shrugged his shoulders. 'Right?'

She cleared her throat. 'Right' Was her unconvinced murmur.

'It's not like it's forever, it's 8 weeks. That's nothing'

'Right' She nodded more assertively this time. He was right. 8 weeks wasn't a long time at all. It would fly by. But this conversation hadn't eased the unpleasant feeling in her stomach. She'd hoped Derek's words would have the same result that her best friend's always had. In times of need she always had the answer and a motivational speech that would leave her certain of her decision.

But right now she was just as confused as she had been when Derek had found her.

-X-

Things had been better the last couple of days. She'd been coming home at a reasonable hour. They'd eaten together. They'd spent the evening cuddled on the sofa together watching a film. And he treasured moments like those. Sometimes he was sure he was the girl in their relationship.

'I made dinner' He announced as he heard the front door close.

'Luke' She mewled softly as she joined him in the kitchen. He was hovering over the stove, dish rag draped over his shoulder. 'I would've done that' She kissed his cheek.

'I like cooking' He pulled her into his side and pressed his lips to her tangled mess of hair.

'I know' She nodded but she felt like he'd been doing everything lately. Cooking. Cleaning. Food shopping. Bills. You name it, if she hadn't done it he'd do it without any complaint. He never complained. She snaked her arms around hims and closed her eyes.

'Everything okay?' He rubbed her back with one hand and stirred the appetising concoction that was bubbling on the hob. 'Was work okay?'

'I just miss you when I'm not with you' She murmured.

He smiled fondly and kissed her head again.

'Luke?'

'Mm'

'There's something I need to tell you'

His smile dwindled. 'Oh?' He set his spoon on the side as she detached herself from his warm inviting body and looked up at him anxiously.

He tried to not look concerned but with everything that had been going on lately he couldn't help but let his brow furrow and his eyes squint at her with worry.

She worried her bottom lip. _Just spit it out_.

'Peyton?'

'I got offered a promotion'

'What?' A slow grin appeared on his face. 'Baby! That's great'

It made her heart flutter because he cared. He cared so god damn much. She could see it in moments like these. His sheer delight for her said a thousand things.

'Com're' He pulled her into a hug. 'Fuck, you scared me. I thought you were going to say something awful then'

'It's in LA' She muffled into his shoulder.

She could feel the change, feel him stiffen.

'LA' He repeated.

She hesitantly pulled away to reluctantly inspect his expression.

'LA' He tested out the word again. 'And you, you're thinking about it?'

His happiness was gone. Confusion instead masked his face.

She opened her mouth to answer but he shook his head. 'You are!' He blurted, a mixture of disbelief and anger encasing his exclamation. 'How could...what... what about-'

'This is what I've been waiting for Luke. It's a big deal'

'We'll be apart'

'It's not like it's a different country' She tried.

'It might as well be. It's not down the fucking road Peyton!- we're talking states here. We're talking east coast, west coast'

'It's doable'

'I don't care. I don't want to-'

'What about me? What about what I want?' She flung her hands out in exasperation. Gone were the butterflies of excitement that his happiness for her bought about. Instead she felt dread bubbling in the pit of her belly.

'You can't. You can't seriously be considering this. We've made a home here. Our friends. Everything. Our life is here now' His outrage fuelled her own anger.

'But you'd happily move back to Tree Hill' She snorted.

'That's not the same thing. You can't-'

'I'm not asking your permission Luke'

'I'm not saying you should be but you're not considering me either!' He shouted back.

'Of course I'm considering you, it's all I've been doing for the last forty eight hours' She growled back just as fiercely.

'You've known...you've known about this for the last two days'

She sheepishly looked down, his tone flaring up a mixture of guilt and frustration. 'I wanted to get everything clear in my mind before I spoke to you about it' She muttered quietly.

'No. You wanted to fucking make a decision without me! In case I convinced you otherwise' His smile was anything but happy as he shook his head back and forth in dismay.

'And so what?! So what if that's what I was doing. This is my decision, not yours. Yes I didn't want your opinions affecting my judgement-'

'Right' He nodded. 'Because my opinion doesn't fucking matter does it Peyton?'

'Of course it does. That's not what I meant-' She spoke quickly, urgently searching for the right words to appease his sad eyes but he didn't want to listen and was quick to interrupt.

'Well I don't see what else you could possibly mean' He waltzed out of the kitchen and she followed his stomping feet. He only stopped once he was stood, hovering before his precious bookshelf, to the treasured items that provided him with a safe haven.

They argued, sure, mostly about things like him putting her stuff back in the wrong place or her eating the stash of chocolate he'd hidden from her. Silly things. This wasn't one of those times and the crack in her voice emphasised that. 'Luke you're scaring me'

'Good' He rested his head against the shelf. 'Cause you're fucking scaring me'

'I'm just...just asking you to be supportive'

'You're asking me to let you go'

'That's not what this is. I don't want that. I never fucking want that. You know that'

'Do I?' He twisted his head to look at her.

Her teary eyes blinked. 'I don't ever want that. Ever'

He eyed her attentively and then he was walking towards her and the next words that left his mouth were the last thing she ever expected. 'Marry me then'

'What?

'Marry me'

She didn't know what to feel.

Her bugged out eyes conveyed her surprise.

She'd thought about this moment a lot. She'd always seen this moment with him, always wanted it to be him. They'd had the talk, marriage, kids; their future. They wanted it together, only they'd agreed to wait. To concentrate on their careers, both confident in their love for each other.

Only his blurted request amidst an argument was never in any of her visions.

She'd never imagined an exuberant display, never wanted that but this?

'You did not just say that. Not like that' Her head shook slowly back and forth, refusing to believe his abrupt proposition.

'I-'

'No' Her head moved irately now.

'I want you to be my wife-'

'And this is going to be such a sweet story to relay to the kids isn't it?' Her eyes fired a scathing look at him as she retreated back. 'It was really romantic, we were having a screaming match when your Daddy decided to pop the question' She acted out sarcastically.

'Okay so it wasn't the best moment but I need you to be Peyton Scott now, I know we said we'd wait but I don't want to' He didn't want to wait a second more because they'd overcome so much to be living this life together. They'd made it through teenage and college years, they'd made the transition into adulthood, they'd made it to the other side unscathed but he feared that if things didn't change soon that that wouldn't stay the case. Because it was all slipping, slipping from beneath their feet and he was grabbing on and tugging back. 'I barely see you. You're always at work and when you're not you're completely exhausted'

'What so putting a ring on my finger is going to fix that is it?'

'We can go to Tree Hill-'

'I don't want to fucking move back to Tree Hill Lucas. How many times? If you wanted a pretty little housewife-'

'That's not what I'm saying. Why do you have it in your head that you're not what I want? You're all I want. And all I want is for you to be happy Peyton and I don't think you are and that breaks my heart. It's like you think you can't be happy unless you're successful, like you don't deserve happiness but you're already a success in my eyes and we're all that matters. Money. Careers that's just part of our life but you, you are my life. Don't you know that? Don't you know that I'd give up everything. The book, my writing. I'd throw it all away for you'

His words made her stomach somersault. His words always had that effect.

'I know we said we'd wait. That it would be good to wait. But waiting is fucking stupid. What are we waiting for? Waiting to work on our careers? I don't care about that baby. I care about living my life. Living it with you'

'It's not forever' She abruptly announced and he was momentarily confused. 'LA. They're setting up new offices over there and they want my help. It'll be a few months tops. Then I'll be back here'

He opened and closed his mouth.

'If you don't think we can survive a few months then I don't' She shook her head. 'I don't know how you can be proposing forever right now'

He gritted his teeth. He felt tricked. As though her announcement had all been a big test. Because she'd left out a pretty vital piece of information. And he wanted to scream at her, shake her because he'd found _this,_ them, he'd found all of it so hard lately. He'd been strong, he'd been trying his utmost to be the rock she needed, to be her support system as she struggled to comprehend the loss of her father, as she grieved. But her behaviour hadn't been what he could have ever anticipated; it was erratic and at times completely out of character. And at times, like this specific moment, it all felt like a big mind game.

'Fine go. You should go' He nodded and then migrated toward the door. Because he needed to get out. He needed to get away from her.

'Luke-'

'I need some air'

'Lucas'

The front door clicked shut and then as if to serenade her demise the smoke alarm sounded from the kitchen alerting her to their charred dinner.

-X-

Lucas stuffed his hands into his pockets and leant back against the brick of the house for a moment.

The moon was full and lit up the street. It was quieter here than the apartment building where he and Peyton lived. He could remember being somewhat surprised when Brooke had announced she was moving away from the hustle and bustle of her previous abode just one year ago. But now, now that little Lara was here her decision made sense.

He sighed. He couldn't stand on the door step forever and with that thought he wrapped his hand against the wood.

It took a few moments but the brunette soon appeared.

'Luke hey, what...'

'Can I come in?' He cut her off, shifting his weight.

'Of course' Brooke stepped back, pulling the door open.

'Is this a bad time? I know you're probably run off your feet with Lara and-'

'She's asleep. I just poured myself a glass of wine. And even if it wasn't a good time, I've always got time for you broody' She ushered him into her kitchen and handed him the her red wine before pouring herself a new glass.

'Thanks cheery' An appreciative smile touched his lips.

'What's wrong? What's happened?'

'I just...I needed someone to talk to and well I tried calling Nate but he's apparently got a game tonight and Hales is with the kids and...'

'That left me' Brooke smirked, gesturing for him to take a seat. 'Gee you really know how to make a gal feel special Scott'

He smiled sheepishly. 'It's not like that, you're, you're Peyton's best friend. It feels kinda weird keep coming to you to talk about her- I guess I feel like I'm breaking some freaky girl code or something'

She laughed. 'I'm your friend as well as hers Luke. You can talk to me whenever'

'Thanks Brooke'

'So whats that bitch done?' Brooke teased.

He offered her a wane smile and ran his hand through his hair. 'She...god she just told me she got a promotion and initially I was so pleased for her but it's in LA'

Brooke's brow raised in surprise.

'And we had this huge row and the thing is she doesn't mention till the end that it's only for a few months so I come off like the jackass that doesn't want her to go and...I dunno I'm just really pissed off. Pissed off that she'd made a decision before even talking to me. Like I don't even matter'

'Of course you matter Luke. You're at the heart of every decision she makes'

'Well it doesn't feel like it' He grumbled. 'Did you know?'

'No. She hadn't told me' Brooke licked her lips. 'But I guess her wanting to go isn't a great surprise to me either' She admitted. She was use to Peyton keeping things to herself but recently she'd taken her privacy to a new level. And although Brooke knew she too had left her friend in the dark, this seemed different. But as always, she was obligated to trying to not only understand her best friend's decisions but also support them. 'I mean it's not forever-'

'I know. I didn't know that when she sprouted it on me though Brooke' He groaned. ' I mean I'd never have objected if I'd known that'

'I know. I'm not having a go at you Luke. I get why you're upset but I also know Peyton and she's been acting weird lately, well not weird because her abnormal behaviour is expected, she lost her father not even eight months ago. That's not a long time when you loose someone you love, it doesn't just go away. You know that. Of course she's going through things and on top of that you know how stubborn she can be and it's like she's got it in her head that she needs to I dunno, achieve something bigger than what she has so far.' Brooke shared the viewpoint she'd wound up coming to. 'I think she feels a bit like a failure which I guess is understandable- all your dreams have come true Luke and hers, well, she's been at a standstill with her career for a good while now'

'I know!- I've told her to start her own label, I've told her but she doesn't see it like I do, she doesn't want to take my money but it's hers. I don't see it as just mine and I know she wouldn't if it were the other way round either' He exclaimed. 'She's just so...so fucking difficult'

'Uhuh but you knew that when you fell in love with her at fifteen' Brooke recollected with an affectionate smile.

'Mm' He muttered. 'I just hate seeing her miserable. I just, I want nothing but for her to be happy'

'I know Luke, but if one thing Peyton Sawyer has always been it's stubborn' Brooke chewed on the inside of her cheek thoughtfully. 'Go home. Go tell her that you want her to go'

He looked pained at the thought. 'What if her boss is going to be there? I got so mad that I don't even know what she's going to be fucking doing out there. But what if this is all him, what if he's luring her out there to be alone with her-'

'I doubt that's the case Luke, I know she was stupid in not telling you about all that but now you know she'd be fucking dumb to try and hide something as big because she knows how worried you are and that you'd find out at some point' Brooke reasoned. 'Anyway, you can go and ask her now what she's going to be doing out there because you're only going to drive yourself crazy with all your little theories when she could just put your mind at ease'

He nodded and she rubbed his arm soothingly.

'I'm not saying the next couple of months will be easy but you're Lucas and Peyton. You'll get through it' Brooke smiled. 'Where's your faith gone?'

'It's not my faith I'm worried about'

Brooke shook her head. 'Lucas you taught her what faith is. I asked her once, how it was different with you compared to Nate and Jake and you know what she said?' She paused. 'Because I don't even think about if it will end with Luke. Because I just know it won't. It's written in the stars'

'Huh' He snorted. 'That doesn't put my mind at rest Brooke. You know what she said to me recently- that she thinks about if we were to ever split up'

Brooke's nose scrunched up because her friend had blurted those fears out to her under her prying but she'd not realised that Lucas had too endured her paranoid ramblings.

'Okay...so her faith is wavering a little. But she did say that Luke! I swear. She just needs time and you're the one that instilled the notion of fate in her in the first place, you can do it again' Brooke assured him.

He pushed his tongue to the roof of his mouth, surprised by the lump lodged in the back of his throat. 'You're right' He quietly agreed. 'She just needs time'

'Yes' Brooke's heart ached for him.

'I should go'

'I love you buddy' She affectionately nudged him in the arm.

'You too cheery. And thank you. You know. For being there. For me. For her'

'Always'

-X-

'I'm sorry' He exhaled as he walked into there room.

She was curled up on his side of the bed, her arms curled round his pillow. She startled at his voice, lurching upright.

'No, I'm sorry' She gushed.

He could tell by her wobbly delivery and splotchy complexion that she'd been crying.

He ventured over to the bed, gently confiscating the pillow that had been his replacement in his absence.

She watched him anxiously as he sat down, her eyes fretful and uncertain.

'Where have you been?' She wondered aloud, desperate to break the awkward the silence.

'I walked for a bit and then I ended up at Brooke's' He relayed honestly.

'Brooke's?'

'Yeah. I needed someone to talk to'

She opened and closed her mouth. She didn't like the idea of them talking about her, which they undoubtably were. She forced herself not to comment though, after all, he hadn't needed to tell her the honest truth of his whereabouts. She would never have questioned him. Besides, she was the reason he'd had to seek out their friend to talk to.

She took a shaky breath and then he was talking.

'Is he going to be there?'

'Huh?'

'John Knight. Will it be just you and him in LA?'

'No' She answered quickly. 'No. He'll stay here. They want to have offices over there and he wants me to help with setting up. I don't, I don't know exactly what yet, I said I needed a couple of days'

He nodded slowly. 'Well getting you away from that ass is a plus' He sighed. 'Okay... you should go. When you told me, I thought it was permeant. I hate the idea of not waking up next to you every day but I can survive' He swallowed. 'I can survive a couple of months tops. It'll be difficult but you've been strong when I've been away on work and I'll do it for you too'

'I really appreciate that' She bit her lip, her body shuddering with relief. She'd been driving herself crazy to the point that she'd assumed when he'd walked back in here he'd be announcing that they were over. 'It's not cause I want to get away from you, you don't think that do you?' She blurted abruptly.

'Of course not' He shook his head, and least he hoped she meant that.

'You keep telling me about me trying to take some time for me and that I need to process my Dad's death. Maybe you're a little right, and maybe this will give me the opportunity to figure it out' She shrugged. 'Because I want to be better for you. And there'll be no pressure you know? No you, no friends. Just me and my job'

'I don't put you under pressure, you think I put you under pressure?' He squinted at her.

'No' She spouted, her head shaking vigorously back and forth. 'No I didn't mean that. That came out wrong. I just, I guess I'm trying to act normal all the time, for you and for everyone else' She confessed. 'I'm trying to act like I'm okay and apparently I'm just acting more and more like a psycho despite my efforts'

'Peyton' He cut off her nonsensical ramblings and gripped her hands. 'You're not a psycho' He announced sternly. 'You're grieving, you don't have to keep up this front that you're ok, not with me. That's why I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. However crazy it gets' He declared.

She nodded once and then she was crying. 'I'm sorry' She threw her arms around him and he exhaled wearily.

'Sh' He hummed in her ear, easily bringing her into his lap, his hand sliding soothingly up and down her back. 'It's okay'

'It..it's not. I'm sorry'

He closed his eyes. 'We're going to be okay baby. We're Lucas and Peyton' He reiterated what Brooke had said to him so certainly. 'We're written in the stars'.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N** Thank you to all who is following this story and all your kind comments :)

The first day was the hardest for him. Sending her off on an aeroplane on her own.

She'd been nervous too, he could tell.

But he was bright and cheery for her, he wouldn't make it harder than it needed to be. He was his supportive self and assured her she'd be fine once she got there.

He was right of course. Once she landed in LA her relentless butterflies subsided drastically. But that was most likely because of the familiar face that had greeted her at the gates.

Derek.

He'd beamed and her confusion over his presence was written all over her face.

_'Derek! What are...what are you doing here?!' _

_'Surprise' He'd laughed at her wide eyed face. 'It's been so hard keeping this from you' _

_'You're- you're here, here? Like you're...what?' She'd nonsensically blurted. _

_'Knight thought this might be more than just a one man job. And well, I thought I'd come out on the Friday and set up everything to make things less stressful for you' _

_'Oh my god I'm so happy' She'd shrieked. _

Lucas hadn't been so excited by her phone call later that same night. Not that he'd let her know. Because she sounded far more relaxed and he wasn't about to ruin that.

No, but her announcement was perhaps what governed him to book a flight out there for three weeks later. She'd insisted he needn't feel like he had to come out for their anniversary but of course he had no intention of listening to that. But Derek's presence is what forced him to set arrangements. Although he told himself assertively that that wasn't the reasoning for his sudden need to set things in stone.

But now, as he boarded the plane to make the journey that she had just twenty one days ago, he knew his motivation for this trip had definitely been influenced by her male companion. Because it's all he'd been thinking about for the past three weeks. It wasn't that he didn't trust her. He didn't trust this guy. And he knew how cliche that sounded but it was the god honest truth. And he knew he didn't have much basis to make such judgements and had definitely not broached the subject with her again, knowing it would only irritate her because he'd barely spoken to the guy. But she'd confided in Derek. She'd confided in this man and that niggled at him. Because she was meant to confide in him.

He breathed out through his nose and buckled his belt, turning his attention to look out the plane window at the runway.

Jealousy didn't suit him.

But with everything that had been going on lately, his insecurities were at an all time high, only bringing on such feelings, even if they could potentially be generated from nothing but paranoia.

He only hoped this weekend with her would put his unease to rest so he didn't have to spend the remaining time apart from her, torturing himself.

-X-

The lights were dim at the venue and she wasn't into this gig at all. Maybe it had something to do with her mood. Because it had been foul all day. Because she'd never not been with Lucas on this day. And as much as she'd assured him he needn't come all this way she wished she'd demanded that he did. Because she missed him. She really did. And despite her pining for him she was still convinced that her coming here was the right decision. Because the distance was helping her put things in perspective. Because she'd been unstable and reckless and she didn't want to be any of those things. She wanted to be the girl he fell in love with.

She knew what was at the heart of her problem but admitting it meant it was real and she couldn't get her head around why the fact that she was adopted had thrown her into a nervous breakdown. But that's what it felt like. Everything that had once been so clear suddenly just wasn't. She felt like the rug had been pulled from beneath her feet and she couldn't find her balance, no matter what she tried.

'Can we just go? Is it just me or are these guys just painfully depressing? They're making me want to slit my wrists' She announced dramatically to Derek.

He took a swig of his beer and laughed. He'd been laughing and smiling a lot today. Something that was secretly grating on her because she was miserable and she knew that his cheery mood was just him trying to brighten her spirits but it was ultimately having the opposite effect.

'Yeah, yep. Yes, whatever you want, yeah' He slurred.

She squinted her eyes at him. 'Are you drunk?' She smiled the first proper smile she had all day because he looked a little off kilter and his answering expression was so goofy that she even laughed.

'You just said it, between you and this delightfully uplifting music I've had to find my own amusement' He teases.

She regarded the bar behind them, noting the empty bottles. 'God, you have been knocking them back haven't you boozy?' She remarked. 'God I'm sorry Derek, I've been horribly moody haven't I?' She screwed her face up. 'I promise I'll be better tomorrow' She declared.

'Oh it's fine, I know how it is, I'm just not good enough company for you am I?' He grinned mischievously provoking a smile onto her own face.

'I suppose you'll have to do' She shrugged her shoulders playfully. 'Come on lets get you home before I have to enlist some help in carrying you' She decided, sliding her slender arm around him and draping his limp arm over her shoulder.

'Yes mam' His feet stumbled slightly, dragging on the floor as she guided them outside.

Despite the warm evening, the night's air was still a welcome relief from the muggy club they'd just come from.

Peyton navigated them down the street. They were only a few blocks from her apartment building and given Derek's inebriated state she figured the walk would do him good. Besides, she liked to walk whenever possible to help retain her new surroundings because the more she familiarised herself with the new sites the more confident she was in independently exploring the foreign city.

'Just shove me in a taxi Peyton. This is embarrassing' He complained as they moved at a snails pace along the sidewalk.

She smiled. 'Don't be silly. What kind of bodyguard would I be then?' She dismissed his suggestion.'You can stay at mine'

'I'm meant to be looking after you, not the..the other way round'

'That's really sexist Derek. I'm confident I'd have the upper hand over any possible attackers that come our way whether you were wasted or not. Because you my friend are far too nice to go all ninja on anyone' She objected.

He chortled at her argument. 'Sure you could' His playful tone contradicted his words.

'I could too. I'm such a bitch.'

'Mm. You can show me. When I'm more alert and can save you when you're about to be slaughtered alive'

'Just you wait. I'll show you' She competitively wagered.

They'd reached her building now and she was thankful because her small frame wasn't especially equipped at supporting his large build and the longer they'd been walking the more he'd become like a dead weight.

'I can go home. I'm totally fine'

'No. Seriously, I'll only worry that you're going to pass out down some ally. You can sleep on the sofa' She assertively pushed him into the elevator and sighed with relief when the doors slid closed.

He slouched against the back wall, his face crumpled as he looked at her. 'You're never going to let me live this down are you?'

She smiled. 'I may keep my lips sealed. You'll have to buy my silence with coffee and chocolate'

The doors dinged open on the sixth floor and she held her hand out, he clumsily swiped his arm through the air, missing her hand a couple of times before grasping her delicate fingers in his. She hauled him onto the corridor to the second from last door, propping him against the wall before rummaging through her bag in search for her keys.

She knew when the hands touched her forearms that they most certainly weren't Derek's because for one she could see him in her peripheral vision, swaying against the wall with his eyes closed but secondly their grip was far more assertive than her companion was capable of right now.

Her heart sped up and she reacted quickly, snatching free from this stranger's hold and spinning around, her bag poised above her head, ready to launch as a weapon at the assailant.

But her alarm was quick to vanish as she took him in.

'Lucas!' She yelped out, lowering her handbag.

'Did you really foresee that weapon doing some serious damage?' He teased.

But she was grinning madly now and then she was crashing into him. He reacted, catching her in his strong arms and her legs locked around his waist. 'You jackass. You scared me!' She told him off but her cheshire cat smile exhibited nothing but her happiness to see him.

'I'm sorry' He laughed. 'Hello'

'Hi' She lifted her head from his shoulder and kissed his lips twice. 'You're here'

'I'm here'

'I missed you'

'Likewise'

'So much' She kissed his mouth again, this time slipping her tongue between his lips and he murmured appreciatively.

'Mm you really did miss me'

'Uhuh'

A clearing of the throat behind them alerted the pair that they weren't alone. Peyton craned her neck to see their audience.

'Oh Derek' She hastily separated herself, unlatching her legs. 'Sorry. You remember Lucas right? You two met didn't you?'

Lucas set her back on the ground and focused his narrowed eyes on the unwanted guest hovering across from them.

Derek didn't answer.

'Yeah that's right' Lucas confirmed. 'How are you man?'

Peyton had managed to locate her keys and get the door unlocked now.

'I'm good. I can...go'

'No, it's cool' Lucas answered, despite his desire to make that happen.

'Come on, come in' Peyton reached for Derek, tugging on his arm until he wasn't blocking the door so she could shut it. He stumbled on unstable legs and slouched against her. 'Woah' Her eyes looked up at Lucas. 'He had a little too much so I said he could stay over on the sofa. Can you help?'

Lucas reluctantly moved toward them, assisting her in leading him through this unfamiliar apartment.

He was surprised and relieved to see how nice it was because it wasn't like Knight to splash out on anything too luxurious and he assumed with everything that had gone on she'd be squatting in some squalid little place.

'Sit' They both lowered Derek onto the sofa. 'I'll go find some bedding. Luke can you get him some water. Kitchen's just through there'

'Sure' He ventured through to where her hand had just directed him, his eyes absorbing everything as he went. He took his time in retrieving the drink, his stare lingering on the fridge door where she had an array of photos of them together. He smiled fondly at her little collage.

'Luke' Her voice sounded from the other room.

'Coming, sorry' He quickly located a clean glass and filled it before returning. 'There we go' He set the water on the coffee table.

'Is there anything else you need Derek?'

He was completely sprawled out on the sofa, blanket covering him and he shook his head with drooping eyes.

'Okay. Well, night buddy' She ruffled his hair as they left him and as soon as she'd pulled the door closed behind her Peyton was looking at him.

'Sorry' She mouthed.

'Why?' He smiled.

'I'd not have insisted he come back if I'd known you were going to be here'

'It's alright' He shook his head, his eyes scanning the bedroom she'd just led him into. 'I've got you to myself now' He closed the door and dropped his bag to the floor before migrating to her, arms circling her waist. 'How are you?'

'I'm fine'

'Yeah?'

'Uhuh. Are you?'

'I am now I've got you in my arms' He hummed.

'You're not tired?' She leant back into him and he latched his chin over her shoulder.

'I was. Suddenly not so much' He purred.

'Good' She exhaled.

'What are you wearing?' He tried to ask carefully, he'd been surprised by her vibrant crimson attire from the moment he'd laid eyes on her because it just wasn't her.

'You don't like it?' She feigned sadness.

'Sure...it's a little bright...and short'

'I thought you liked my legs' She pouted back.

'I do' He smiled. 'I'm not a fan of everyone else getting a look at them though' He added quietly under his breath.

She kinked her eyebrow at him because she rarely saw him jealous. It was an attribute that he'd been taught by his mother to be unattractive. With that being said, he endeavoured to disguise such feelings if ever they arose. However, Peyton begged to differ when it concerned herself because she didn't see a green eyed monster. She perceived it as him wanting her. Needing her. Him being possessive over her was something that made her stomach flutter.

She smiled at him. 'Don't worry Luke. I hate it too'

'You do?' His brow furrowed in confusion.

'Uhuh. Help me' She took a step away from him so he could free her.

'Why're you wearing it then?' He jerked the zip down.

'Well you see I had a bit of a melt down this morning' She pulled the straps off of her shoulders and shimmed out of the constrictive material with a sigh of relief 'Derek usually gives me a lift into work and he was a little bit early and I was screaming about not having anything to wear for when we had to go meet this band this evening and then I was crying because it's our anniversary and you weren't here'

'I am now' He sat down on the edge of her bed, his eyes trailing down her, lingering on the green lingerie she was clad in.

'You are now' She agreed, smiling at his wide eyed expression. She moved to him, slipping her legs over his and straddling his lap. Her voice was softer as she carried on with her explanation, her hands running soothingly over his chest 'Anyway, Derek bought it for me to cheer me up when he was on his lunch break and I felt bad telling him I didn't like it. But I can't wear that thing again. I could barely breathe all evening' She rubbed her flat stomach. He would have laughed at her repulsion but her comical delivery didn't allow him to overlook her words.

'That's not okay' He screwed his face up. 'You don't buy a girl that's in a relationship a slutty red dress as a cheer you up gift' He scoffed. He'd not been overly keen of Derek but on his journey here he'd promised himself that he'd do his utmost to overlook his initial feelings on the guy but he was finding that hard to do because him buying her clothes and her wearing them for him did not bode well.

'I know he's clueless' She rolled her eyes. 'I mean I thought he had taste but...clearly not'

'Peyton the guys into you' He announced because he was pretty sure she was completely oblivious to what he so clearly saw.

'Derek? No he's not. He was just trying to be a good friend Luke. You don't know him like I do. I'm the reason he got so wasted, I was making him depressed. Bless him' She cupped his face as he squinted at her. There wasn't a single part of him that agreed with her theory but he didn't want to get into an argument 'I like it when you get jealous though'

'Hm' He huffed. 'It's not so fun for me'

'I can't believe you're actually here' She said giddily and Derek was suddenly the last thing on his mind because she was pushing herself flush against him and those slender fingers were raking through his hair. 'I love you Luke'

'Mmmm. I've not heard you say that in a while' He softly announced. 'Not with that smile on your face anyway' He noted and she knew he was right; most times they'd exchanged _I love you's_ lately had been fuelled by angst and tears.

'I'm sorry' She frowned. 'You've been so good to me the last few months Luke. And I know it's not been easy. That I've not been easy-'

'Hey, enough of that. No apologising okay? Things haven't been easy' He agreed. 'But that's not your fault'

'I'm so in love with you' She sincerely professed and then she was aligning their faces, her lips fluttering over his.

'I've missed you like this' He whispered yearningly. He wasn't trying to make her feel guilty, she knew that, he was just speaking without thinking and his quiet confession made her eager to please him.

She knelt up on the bed, her hands knotted in his hair and she was suddenly taller than his height and he had to tilt his head back as her lips pried his open, her tongue coasting erotically over his lower lip. And he was done for.

One of his hands migrated to cup a satin covered cheek of her backside, squeezing the toned flesh there while the fingers of his other hand weaved tightly into her locks, gripping her head assertively so he could suck her tongue into his warm mouth.

They both murmured at the feeling. His tongue circled hers, coiling them together and then he was jerking her down until she was sat in his lap again. She gasped, her heat pressing against him, taunting them both and she separated their lips to draw in a breath.

'I missed you' She'd known from the offset that missing him would be unavoidable. How could she not? But she'd assumed she'd be just fine considering this wasn't a long term situation. However, she'd not realised how much the extent of his absence would impact her and it was only now that he was here and she was in his arms that she was realising just quite how much she'd missed him.

Hearing her admission incited his hunger for her and he angled his face the opposite way, plunging his tongue roughly into her mouth and she answered by rolling her hips against his evident arousal.

'Fuck' He grunted.

She smiled at his curse, her hands smoothing over his jacket before slipping beneath to push it off his shoulders.

'I'm feeling a little underdressed' She confessed.

'Mmm' He assisted her in shrugging his jacket off, blindly tossing it onto the floor.

'Have you been working out Lucas Scott?' She wondered as her hands journeyed down his arms; they felt more sculpted than the last time she'd embraced by them. He'd always kept fit, for as long as she'd known him. He'd played basket ball religiously when they'd been at school and working out had been essential. And although he no longer made time for his favoured sport, he still jogged when he could, claiming it helped to clear his head.

'I had to do something to occupy myself with you gone' He answered her, tickled by the way her eyes were exploring him with sudden wonder.

She pushed his t-shirt up groaning as his taut abs came into view. 'Fuck Luke'

'Most girls would appreciate their boyfriend keeping fit' He responded to her incredulous expression with a laugh.

'Oh I'm not complaining. You look like a fucking sex god' She muttered thoughtlessly.

She instantly regretted her words because it was unlikely he'd let her forget she'd made such a comment. He hoisted his t-shirt over his head and crumpled back on the bed stifling his laughter.

'I'll take that' He smirked at her cockily, placing his hands behind his head as he looked up at her.

'Can you forget I said that?' She wondered despite knowing her plea was a futile effort.

'Erm, I don't think so babe. You can't take comments like that back' He taunted.

She rolled her eyes.

'Are you finding it hard to focus? Because you have a sex god in your bed?' He teased, summoning a predictable pout onto her lips. He laughed because he knew why she had her pretty little lips pressed together. She'd been insecure lately and her thought process was becoming foreseeable; the thought that he may in some way be more pleasing to the eye worried her because what if he in turn then found her less appealing? This notion of course was insane to Lucas. And as he laid there looking up at her, he knew without a doubt that she was completely irrational. Because there was absolutely no way that he would ever not find her attractive. With her straddling his stomach in nothing but her underwear she looked like an angel to him. 'Fuck you're beautiful' He instantly forgot his smugness at her statement, instead overcome with his desire for her.

Her expression softened, a flush appearing across her neck.

'You know I thought you were ridiculously pretty when I first saw you but it's actually amazing how you manage to get even more beautiful each year' He tactfully reassured her.

'Alright charmer. I see what you're doing' She shook her head, a tender smile gracing her lips as her hands stroked up and down his newly sculpted chest.

'Did it work?'

'Maybe. A little'

'It was the truth anyway' He pledged honestly.

'You mean that don't you?' She bemusedly gazed at him.

'Every word' He sat back up, pushing a curl behind her ear. 'You'd think after all this time I'd stop being in awe of you but it doesn't matter how many times I see you like this...' He licked his lips. 'I still want you just as much as I did at sixteen' He jerked her hips down against him to emphasise his point and her hands grappled at his jean covered legs behind her.

Lucas swallowed thickly at the sight of her, leaning back with her body angled invitingly to him and his fingers automatically made to make the alluring pathway from her smooth stomach up to her breasts that were squeezed together and pointing toward the ceiling.

She use to swat him when he'd say cheesy things like that but now she'd happily listen to his words. She closed her eyes and her body went limp as a supportive hand pressed against the curve of her arched back while the palm of his other hand stroked over her rising and falling chest.

And when his lips moulded over her stomach and up over her defined ribs she pushed herself pressingly against his jean clad crotch.

He grunted; the friction of her grinding against him together with the delightful image of her encased breasts was almost too much.

He needed her beneath him.

He carelessly slid his hand from beneath her and she dropped to the bed with a small yelp and then his legs were gone from either side of her and he was scrambling to get on top of her, his mouth instantly capturing hers as his weight settled where she wanted him most.

She reached for his belt, knowing by the sporadic way he was moving against her that his pants were becoming a painful hindrance.

'Wait' His mouth suddenly left her and her brow furrowed as she watched him crane his head to look past her.

'What?' She wondered, her voice thick and impatient.

'I heard something' He panted. 'The doors open'

She tilted her head back to see the door ajar. 'So?' She purposefully rubbed her hand against the bulge in his jeans.

He hissed. 'Fuck Peyton' His hand covered hers, stopping her tormenting stroking.

'Luke' She whined. 'Who cares I want you'

'I'm sure I closed the door Peyt'

She huffed, pushing against his shoulders and he eased back off of her. 'Are you freaked out that there's ghosts?' She patted his shoulder as she begrudgingly slid from the bed on wobbly legs. 'It's alright I'll protect you from any ghouls'

'Ha Ha Ha' He rolled his eyes. 'No. More freaked that your _friend_ is trying to get a free show-'

'Eurgh' She exclaimed loudly, hastily clicking the issue at hand shut. 'That's gross Luke' she hurriedly returned to him.

'I know! I know I closed the door'

'Derek isn't perving on us!' She exclaimed amusedly. 'We're not that fucking enticing baby. You obviously didn't shut it properly' She shook her head. 'Now can we stop discussing the freaking door and can you just...'

'Just what?' He kinked his brow.

She gracefully crawled back onto the bed, her legs slinking back over his to straddle his lap and her hands cradling his head until her lips were at his ear. 'Fuck Me' She whispered seductively.

'Urgh' He groaned and in one swift movement he had her on back beneath him.

She giggled breathily.

'I don't like the way he looks at you' He gruffly silenced her amusement at his franticness.

She bit her lip because his hungry eyes were intense. 'He doesn't look at me like anything. How did you come to that conclusion in the five minutes where he was barely able to keep his eyes open, let alone focus on anything?'

He dismissed her question. 'He looks at you like you're his for the taking'

She shook her head as he sat back on his feet and she pointed her toes up toward him, letting him slide her underwear down. 'I'm not though Luke' She cooed, freeing his belt and pulling down the zip of his jeans. 'I'm yours aren't I?'

His stare darted up to her seductive face then, his eyes almost black with lust.

He all but lurched onto her, gripping her hips and pressing himself hard against her. 'Damn right you are' He grunted.

She clamped her legs around him, her feet dipping down the back of his pants and boxers, pushing them down best she could.

'Show me' She appealed breathily.

He pushed into her then and a guttural sound vibrated from him, tickling her lips.

Her eyes rolled back and she let herself revel in the wonderful feeling of completeness for a moment.

'I love you' She deliriously pledged and somewhere in his preoccupied mind he noted that that was perhaps just one of many declarations she'd made since being in her company again and he hoped it was a sign of the end of her pushing him away. That perhaps this separation had been for the best after all because it had let her realise how good they were together, it had hopefully restored her faith in them.

'I love you' He echoed her sentiment, his voice strained as he rocked against her, the intensity of being reunited making them both a little frenzied in their need.

He rested his head in the juncture of her neck, his mouth open and her sighed words of 'I'm yours' had his teeth grazing her skin there. She mewled at the twinge of pain, a shiver running irrepressibly through her body as he sucked intently on her flesh, marking her.

He finally detached his mouth from her neck, drawing in a sharp breath and he was close so very close but he didn't want this to be over yet. Not yet. He effortlessly rolled them over until she was on top.

'Oh my god' She hissed out because his abrupt movement had her vision spinning. She blinked, sitting herself up, her hands blindly finding his knees behind her for leverage as she took over, governing their rhythm.

He panted, his fingers clawing at her hips to assist her in her efforts and his attempt in delaying the inevitable had been in vain because with her on top of him, gyrating against him like she was it was impossible for him not to fall over the edge, especially with how she was biting that lip, her head tilted back, free of all inhibitions.

She felt his release and that together with his hand coasting over that spot between her legs was the catalyst to her own and he sat up, devouring her mouth with his own in an attempt to stifle the strangled cries that were quick to emit from her lips.

She shuddered, fingers digging into his shoulders.

And then it was over and he collapsed back against the mattress, pulling her with him and she rested her ear to his chest, his racing heart imitating her own.

'That was...'

'I know' his hand drowsily laced through her hair. 'Happy Anniversary sweetheart'

A lazy smile touched her lips. 'It really is' The tips of her fingers trailed little patterns across his rising and falling chest. 'I'm so happy you ignored me and came'

'Did you really think I wouldn't turn up?'

She shrugged against him.

'I know you Peyton Sawyer. And I know when you say one thing and need another'

'I'm so glad you know me' She sweetly murmured. 'Are you staying the weekend?'

'Of course. You don't have any important plans do you?-'

'Yeah I'm afraid I do' She twisted her head, lying her chin atop her hands as she looked up at him. 'They involve this really ripped guy' She drawled 'And this bed' Her eyes widened suggestively and he smirked at her wicked expression.

'I see' He nodded. 'Well where is this guy? I'm going to have to have words with him about touching things that aren't his'

'I don't think that's a good idea. I mean he can get pretty aggressive and I'm not sure you could take him on'

'Oh really?'

She shrieked as he rolled her beneath him, pinning her arms above her head. 'Uhuh' She spurned him on. 'Maybe you should make your claim obvious so he gets the message'

He glanced at the reddish splotch he'd left just below her collar bone, his brow knitted together inquiringly. 'You want me to give you another hickey? I was waiting to get told off for that because I seem to remember someone telling me hickeys are so disgusting' He recalled.

'We were going to your freaking godson's christening! That's inappropriate Lucas' She contended his account for her feelings on the matter.

'I thought it was hot' He wriggled his eyebrows humorously.

'Yeah and everyone else thought I was a slut' She laughed.

'That was the short blue dress babe' He mocked devilishly.

'You're lucky you're holding me down right now otherwise I'd hit you' She remarked.

'I'm just kidding baby' He pacified her with a chaste kiss. 'You looked beautiful that day, hickey and all' He jovially announced. 'And no one thought you were a slut, everyone just knew you were mine' He kissed her chin.

'Mm' She liked hearing him say that. _Mine_. Because she wanted so badly to be his. Always. She'd realised how important that was over the last few weeks; she might not have known who she was or where she originally came from but if she was his, she at least belonged somewhere. And as he persuaded a prominent speckling of crimson to mark the milky white skin of her neck, just as she desired, she felt not as though she were being possessed or objectified in someway, but instead like she were being safeguarded. Because that's what Lucas was. He was her saviour, had been seen she'd met him. And she was beginning to see that perhaps this circumstance was not disparate; maybe he was the key, maybe he was the one that could save her from herself, just as he had at sixteen, she just had to let him.


	8. Chapter 8

He was meant to be relaxed, at ease. He'd woken up beside her, woken up where he always wanted to be; with her.

Only the intensity of their shared night was suddenly the last thing on his mind.

He'd scrambled out of bed when she'd finally woken from her deep slumber, declaring she hadn't had her gift yet.

Of course he'd bought her something. He liked to bestow romantic treasures on her whenever he had an excuse and she secretly loved it despite all her scorning that he needn't buy her presents for every occasion under the sun.

It annoyed her how good he was at it sometimes too. She'd use to pride herself on her original gifts but he'd exceeded her on many different occasions now.

She'd closed her eyes and groaned into her pillow as he rummaged in his bag for her gift.

She'd not been expecting him. Had not been prepared. She'd popped a card in the post but she'd not yet had time to seek out a present and she'd been sure to tell him so.

He'd chuckled in answer but that laughter soon died.

Because on the surface of the dressing table before him was something that suddenly garnered his full attention. 'What's this?'

'What's what?' She rolled over, her eyes fluttering open and her face fell notably as she caught sight of the article in question. His eyes narrowed at the forlorn expression that was quick to mask her face. 'I...I..."

'Why do you look like a deer caught in headlights right now?' His brow furrowed as he regarded her.

'I...I don't' She sat upright and shook her head, trying to gather the right words to say but he wasn't giving her time to think.

'It...this is you?' He blindly put her small wrapped present on the table in favour of bringing the slightly crumpled piece of paper closer to his face for further inspection.

'It is what it says' She muttered meekly.

He glanced at her, his eyes squinting. 'Okay' He nodded back after a long pause, his stare then averting back to the document in question once again. 'So this is nothing new to you? The fact that this is your birth certificate and Larry and Anna's names aren't on it?' His voice was incredulous.

She avoided his persistent, questioning stare and looked down at her suddenly clammy hands instead. 'I found it. When I was sorting through Dad's papers...'

'After he died?'

'Just, just before actually...'

He blinked and was quiet for a long moment.

'Luke?' She abruptly lurched herself off of the bed. 'Are you...I'm...'

'I'm just trying to figure out why you wouldn't have mentioned this? I mean, it's kind of a big deal wouldn't you say?' He was trying to be reasonable, it was in his good nature to want to understand, especially when it came to her. But as he deliberated this unexpected news, he struggled to find anything rational about her desire for secrecy.

She shrugged her shoulder. 'Maybe not'

'Maybe not? Give over Peyton- it's a fucking big deal' His voice peaked in a loud crescendo. 'Something that _normal_ people talk about, that _normal _people confide in their partner about' His cheeks flushed with agitation.

'So I'm not normal now?' She irritatedly asked, her worried eyes morphing into a scathing stare that reminded Lucas of the young girl he'd been mesmerised by since high school.

'No!' He exclaimed. 'Why would you hide this?'

'I don't know okay?! I just did...Because! I, I didn't want you all making a fuss! I'm not a kid. I'm an adult. Which everyone seems to have forgotten. So I'm adopted? Who cares. It doesn't change anything' She indifferently spouted. But Lucas didn't buy it for a second. He could read her. He knew her.

'No it doesn't change anything' He agreed. 'Your parents were still your parents, but it's still a bit of a shock to find something out like this' He shook his head bewilderedly because he knew her, he did. He knew this would've thrown her, would of shook her, terrified her, devastated her. But he didn't understand why on earth she'd felt the need to hide it. And that scared him. Because she was meant to tell him everything. 'You weren't shocked?'

'Of course I was shocked' She sighed.

He walked over to the bed and sat, flexing his palms out flat on his knees.

'I had no idea. Of course I was shocked' She muttered. 'I mean, you spend your whole life thinking you're someone and then you find out you're just not that person at all, that the people that bought you up aren't the people you thought they were. That it's all a big fucking lie. And they're fucking gone. And you have all these questions but no answers' Her hands flailed a little more haphazardly with every word and Lucas instinctively rose to his feet once again and migrated toward her.

He took her hands within his own. 'I can't believe you've been carrying this around with you for more than half a year' He mustered sadly and she grimaced because here she was hurting him again.

'I didn't mean to upset you, it was never my intention to hurt you Luke- I just...I guess saying it out loud makes it true and I...I wasn't ready...I wanted to pretend...I still want to pretend' She frantically disclosed in a choked whisper.

'I could've helped you deal with this' He disputed. 'I can help you baby. You keep pushing me away. Why do you keep pushing me away?'

'I'm not. At least I'm not trying to' She mumbled. 'I'm sorry'

'I don't want you to be sorry. I just want you to confide in me over stuff that is bothering you. So I can help, or at least try to-'

'Luke you help me all the time. Without saying a word.' She assured him. 'Just being with you makes me feel better' That was the truth. He did. His surprise visit had proved that to her, had confirmed to her how much she longed for him and needed him, how much she couldn't do without him.

He exhaled heavily through his nose and let his arms snake around her to cocoon her in a hug.

'I love you' He murmured as he rested his head on top of her head. 'I just worry-'

'You don't need to' She pulled back a little, tilting her face until she was looking up at him. 'I'm fine. Seriously' She kissed the underside of his chin. She wanted to clamber back into bed and resume their plan for the weekend and intently avoid this subject.

'Do you think you want to find your biological parents-'

'Lets not talk about this' She cut off his question, her lips persuasively leaving butterfly kisses on the sensitive skin of his neck.

He closed his eyes. He was pretty sure this was a prime example of her pushing him away- albeit not physically. But her kisses were a distraction. He knew that somewhere in his suddenly foggy mind. But it felt good. And he was helpless to it. Weak to her touch.

'I want to' He tried feebly.

'Later. I promise. I'm just...not ready' She wanted to too. She'd decided that the previous night but she apparently wasn't ready to discuss this yet. 'We're meant to be doing nothing but kiss all day long' She declared. 'Remember?'

'Mm' He remembered. 'I just want you to be happy Peyt'

'I am. You're all I need for that'

He wasn't sure she was right. Because lately he'd felt like he was the last thing she wanted.

-X-

'So diamonds really are a girls best friend huh?'

Peyton looked up from the necklace she'd been ogling that was hung around her neck, smiling bashfully at Derek as he returned to the high table and stools she was sat at.

'No actually' She objected. She'd been staring at the dainty piece of jewellery since it had been carefully fastened around her neck, even more so since Lucas had left yesterday evening. It was somehow making her feel close to him now that they were apart again. She'd been thankful to be so swamped with work as it was distracting her from the inevitible sadness she'd felt at his departure but she was also somewhat relieved that he was gone. Merely because he knew. He finally knew her secret and she was annoyed that he'd found out like that, knew she should have been the one to tell him herself. And above all she knew he'd want to talk about it and she hoped when she returned home to him she'd feel up to being an adult about it and be willing to have a god damn conversation. But right now, the subject of her adoption just made her want to curl up into bed and not get out.

'Really? You're looking at that like you're Gollum and it's your precious ring' Derek chortled.

'That's got nothing to do with it being diamonds. It's precious for a whole other reason'

'Oh really?' He set their beers before them and reached out to inspect the piece of jewellery in question.

'Luke got it for me. My Dad got me this dove pendant when I was a kid and well I've misplaced it somewhere, it's probably in a box with all my Dad's stuff but well, this is a pretty wonderful temporary replacement until I find it' She slid the twinkling bird from his hand, letting her fingers run over it again.

'It's pretty'

'Mmm, it's beautiful' She agreed whole heartedly. It was more than pretty; it held great sentiment and she'd teared up when Lucas had eventually placed the box in her hands on saturday evening.

'So he won some brownie points this weekend then huh? Back in your good books?'

'He was never in my bad books Derek' She amended.

'Sorry. I didn't mean to speak out of turn. You just seemed eager to come here'

'I think some space is good for us both. I've not been the kindest girlfriend recently, I've had a lot going on in my head but I'm hoping when I get back thinks will be better. I guess my Dad dying screwed me up more than I like to admit' She confessed softly.

He nodded and took a swig of his drink. 'Well I'm glad you seem happier than friday anyway'

She smiled at him. 'Me too. And I'm sorry I bailed on you this weekend I know I said we could have lunch and stuff- it was just-'

'No, I get it, believe me' He shook his head, taking another greedy gulp of beer.

'You didn't have to run off on Saturday though- you could of said bye' Derek's disappearing act from her apartment hadn't lingered in her mind at the time, she'd not had a great deal of time to think about it because Lucas had taken her desire to spend the day in bed very seriously.

'Oh, I didn't want to interrupt you two lovebirds, I thought it best to let you..er get reacquainted' He bought his beverage back to his lips.

Peyton's cheeks prickled with embarrassment and she briefly wondered if their bedroom activities could've been heard from the living room. Him guzzling on his beer yet again distracted her from those thoughts though. 'Are you alright? You're downing that like it's your last drink' She noted with narrowed eyes.

'Oh yeah, course. Just a bit of a shit day. I'm fine'

'What happened?' Her face was one of concern as she regarded him.

'Oh nothing it's fine. I don't really want to talk about it if that's alright'

She nodded, she completely understood not wanting to talk about it, after all, she too was in favour of not talking about certain things. 'Sure, I get that. I'm here for you though, if ever you do want to talk, you know that right?' She wanted to ensure that he was aware of that. She reached out and squeezed his hand sweetly.

He forced a fond smile and nodded. 'I know blondie. Thank you'

'What do you say I get you another beer boozy? It's my round' She decided.

'What happened to _we should probably not let our judgement be obscured by alcohol when listening to potential bands_?' Derek recalled.

'I've heard enough. They're clearly shit. We might as well drown them out' She grinned wickedly and he laughed.

'Why not then' He agreed. 'But I'm not going down by myself. You're coming down with me this time'

She smiled and hopped down off of her stool. 'Hey I'm sorry to break it to you mr but unlike you I can handle my liquor, that's just the way it is'

He laughed as she pranced off but his amusement soon faded. With her back turned to him, his eyes turned stoney, unlike the kind pair Peyton frequently had the pleasure of seeing.

His stare migrated down to her backside and he unconsciously licked his lips as she reached the bar, leaning on the hard wood surface and unintentionally sticking her ass out.

His clear view of her was soon sabotaged however by other drinkers gathering behind her in wait for the bartender.

He irritatedly looked away, seeking out his phone to occupy him instead.

Unlike her, he'd not had the best weekend. He'd had very different expectations to what had actually transpired.

His thumb swiped over the photo album and Peyton's face filled his screen. The additional images he'd managed to source on his phone were the only plus to his disappointing couple of days.

His hand discreetly disappeared under the table top, adjusting his suddenly straining pants as the snaps quickly became indecent. She was in her underwear, straddling the trespasser's waist. He'd cropped Lucas' face out; this way he could pretend it was himself. He was sure that was what she'd been thinking anyway. Besides, he was certain he would of been the man in her bed had it not been for Lucas' unexpected arrival. _Lucas_ had ruined everything. After all the effort he'd put in to getting her here; after hiding camera's in Knight's office and threatening him with the improper footage he'd quickly attained. John Knight had been nothing but compliant with his demands, anything to avoid a potential sexual harassment lawsuit. He'd assured Derek that he of course would not lay another finger on the petite blonde again. He'd not expected Knight's further bribery to keep him tight lipped but he'd been more than satisfied with the hasty promotion he'd been offered and the suggestion that he help set up the opening LA studio. He'd of course hand one condition, Peyton too had to come along. Knight had been reluctant to his requirement but had conceded when reminded of the acquired film.

Everything had been perfect.

He'd finally had her to himself but Lucas was proving to be more of a problem than he originally anticipated.

He'd been so close. And then he'd had to watch her, watch her smile at _him_, throw herself at _him_, kiss _him_.

He could hardly bear it, could hardly keep up the deceiving drunken act he'd been playing all evening. He'd wanted so very badly to pummel his fists into Lucas Scotts face.

And he'd nearly screwed everything up, had so very nearly been caught obscenely spying through the jar in the door. He'd not been able to stop himself from seeing her like that. He'd watched with a racing heart and dry mouth. He knew what she was doing, that she was just too good not to let Lucas have what he wanted. She'd never say no, not until she realised how very wrong he was for her and Derek was hell bent on helping her realise.

'I got us something a little stronger' Peyton set two beverages down on the table. 'What're you looking at?'

He'd jumped, swiftly shifting his phone out of view and shoving it in his pocket.

'Oh my god. You were totally looking at some porn or something weren't you?' Peyton exclaimed jovially as she clambered back onto the adjacent stool.

'Of course not' He shook his head dismissively, recovering from her startling reappearance. 'You, Peyton Sawyer have a very dirty mind'

'You look suspicious' She fired back with a kinked eyebrow.

He shook his head and held his hands up in surrender. 'Fine, you caught me. I was texting someone if you must know'

'A girl someone?' She pried animatedly.

'Maybe'

'Oh my god' She cried, jabbing his arm. 'Since when?! Derek, you're meant to tell me about who you're dating. That's the number one rule of friendship. I get the gossip' She ranted.

'Woah, chill' He chortled.

'Who is she? What does she do? Do you have a photo? Is she hot? She's hot right? Of course she's hot-'

'She's more than hot. She's unbearably sexy' He agreed.

Peyton smirked excitedly. 'Oh you've got it bad buddy' She teased.

'I know' He huffed and she pushed her tongue to the roof of her mouth to stop herself from laughing.

'Does this sexy vixen have a name?'

'Uh uh' He refused.

'What?! You have to tell me'

'No I don't, you're just going to stalk her on facebook or something and nothing has actually happened yet so just chill'

'You're no fun' She pouted and he laughed at her. 'You can at least tell me where you met' She complained.

'Back home. A couple of years ago now. And we've just been kind of really good friends and we're at this iffy in between stage. I don't want to loose her by taking things too fast and scaring her off, but at the same time I know our feelings are mutual.'

'That's tricky, I remember feeling like that with Luke. Like I'd rather not have him romantically if I was going to loose him completely later.' She confided. 'But you can't live like that. Because the truth is we both just ended up hurting. He was the strong one. He was the one that put everything on the line and it took me a while to catch up and be brave enough to admit my own feelings' Her eyes narrowed pensively. 'You should definitely fight for her Derek, I hate to think what would of happened if Luke hadn't. I don't know if I'd have taken that first step' She shuddered at the thought because that would have meant him not being in her life like he was now.

He nursed his drink and nodded. She didn't need to worry; he was ready for a fight.

'What's in this?' He changed the subject, indicting to the mysterious glass before him.

'It's gross isn't it?' She screwed her face up. 'I told the bartender I was in need of something to get us drunk and quick. He promised this concoction of vodka and a list of other stuff I didn't catch would do the job nicely' She took a sip and stuck her tongue out with a breathy noise. 'But I'm not sure I can stomach whatever the hell it is'

Derek laughed at her. 'What happened to Miss _I'm the one that can handle my liquor?'_ He mocked.

She rolled her eyes and took another swig with a competitive look that only had him proceeding to laugh more at her, especially when she spluttered dramatically after swallowing. 'Fuck that's lethal' she wrinkled her nose in disgust, watching in awe as he took a hearty swig of his own, seemingly unaffected by the taste as she was. 'Alright Mr show off. Do I need to remind you who was carrying who home the other night?'

'Yeah, yeah' He shushed her with his hand. 'I bought you enough chocolate today for that never to be mentioned again I feel'

'Whatever' She retorted childishly. 'So what did Miss Sexy Vixen do to get you all brooding and pouty?' She ventured.

'She went out with the ex boyfriend. I know I shouldn't be bothered, I mean I don't have the right. We're not labeled as anything yet-'

'Well she's obviously given you the impression that there's a chance right?'

'Right'

'Have you talked to her about it? I mean it could of been completely harmless, maybe they're friends now-'

'Peyton how many ex's are you friends with?'

'I dated Lucas' brother' She giggled, the thought was completely hilarious to her now. 'And we're friends'

'That's screwed up' He declared. 'I can tell you right now that Lucas isn't alright with that'

'Yes he is, he'd hate it if I didn't talk to Nate' She frowned at the thought, she was more fond of Nathan Scott now than she ever had been in her life; he was like a brother.

'I didn't mean you being friends now. I meant the whole dating his brother thing'

'Oh' She laughed. 'Yeah. No, I guess not. I think he just pretends I didn't. We all do' She took another sip of the intoxicating brew before her, cringing less with each mouthful as she became more numb to the familiar burning feeling. 'You can't exactly forget who you lost your virginity to though can you?' She pondered aloud.

'And it gets worse' He shook his head disbelievingly. 'That's beyond wrong'

She shrugged her shoulders. 'Not really, things were so different then. I didn't know Luke. Nate and Luke didn't have a relationship at all. I guess it's fucked up when you think about it now but it wasn't at the time. Anyway we're getting off topic' She wavered her hand, trying to refocus their conversation. 'My point is I think that you can, in some situations be friends with an ex'

'You could be friends with Lucas?'

'No. I've never been just friends with Luke' She shook her head. 'I don't think I'd begin to know how. Maybe we could, I don't know. I think I'd need a long time though' She chewed on the inside of her cheek and then blinked. 'Anyway that's irrelevant because that's not going to happen' she flailed her hand dismissively. 'But this mystery girl could have been having a completely innocent meeting. Did you ask her nicely or did you go all jackass on her?'

'There may have been a hint of jackass'

She shook her head and hit his arm clumsily. 'Well jackass. Why don't you try an apology and just tell her the thought of her being with someone else makes you jealous. She'll be over it in no time' She wriggled her eyebrows comically.

'Maybe'

'I'm right' she announced confidently, swaying slightly as her mind became more inebriated.

'Mm' He shifted his stool closer, placing a supportive hand on the back of her stool to avoid any unwanted accidents. 'It's hard, being so far away from her'

'We'll be back soon' She covered his hand that sat on the table with her own.

'I'll miss you when we're back' He announced.

She tilted her head to look at him amusedly. 'No you won't silly. I'm not disappearing am I?'

'We never hung out like this at home'

'We do' She argued. 'And we still will' She smiled. 'I seriously don't think I could of survived being here without you'

His stare locked with hers longer that it should and had she been more sober she would of looked away uncomfortably from his persistent gaze. As it was, she bumped her shoulder against his with a bemused expression on her face. 'What?'

He didn't return her smile nor answer and she opened her mouth to repeat the one worded question.

'Wha-'

He cut her off.

She didn't see it coming. Not for a second.

Her reflexes were thwarted somewhat by her tipsy state and she froze, her muscles tensing as his mouth crashed into hers. Her eyes widened and then her body caught up with her reeling mind and her hands sprung out pushing him away, her head simultaneously lurching backward to escape his probing lips.

'Woah Derek...I...' She shook her head, her face crumpled in a mixture of confusion, unease, guilt and sympathy.

He shifted his stool back. 'I...I'm sorry'

'No' She blurted, the last thing she wanted was for him to feel bad, for him to start avoiding her. He was her friend, her only friend here. 'It's alright, seriously. I just, you're my friend and I'm with Lucas'

'Right' He looked down and rubbed the back of his neck uneasily. 'I know, I...I wasn't thinking, I don't know what came over me, apparently that bartender's concoction really is lethal' He hastily added.

'Yes. I'm definitely feeling it' She agreed.

'I should go-'

'No, no please. Don't run away. Honestly, it's fine. Let's just forget about it' she pleaded.

'I...I'm sorry...I guess...I, we were talking about her, I was thinking about her and, and she's not here and I...I was mad at her and, and you're here and, and-'

'I get it. I completely understand. It's really fine. Honestly. Please forget it. Okay? Lets just forget it'

'I don't want you to be mad at me- fuck I-'

'I'm not!' she exclaimed, grappling at his hands that were clawing at his hair. 'Hey, stop it' she gently pulled them away, holding his fingers. 'I'm not mad. I'm not. It's forgotten'

'You promise you're not mad?'

'I promise' she pledged, she smiled kindly and then averted her stare to their drinks and pushed the offending glasses away. 'Why don't we get out of here? I'm starving' she stood and rubbed her belly theatrically, consciously avoiding any further mentioning of what had just happened.

He followed her to his feet and nodded with a sheepish smile that was successful in reinforcing her assumption that what had just occurred between them was an honest mistake...little did she know that it was nothing of the sort, that it was all he'd been wanting to do since he'd first laid eyes on her. She had no reason not to be trusting... but how very wrong she was...because this man was not who she thought he was...the last thing he wanted to be was her friend and he wasn't use to not getting what he wanted and he wanted her and he wasn't going to stop until he succeeded.


	9. Chapter 9

She can't quite believe she's back here. Several weeks ago it had seemed as though this day was forever away but the remaining time she'd had to spend separated from the most important people in her life had ended up flying by. She'd been rushed off her feet and had worked herself into the ground but now she was here and she was giddy with anticipation as she hurriedly moved through the arrivals lounge, her eyes skittering from face to face in search of his mop of dirty blonde hair and blue eyes.

'Do you know he's definitely coming?' Derek's voice sounded from behind her and had she not been distracted by her excitement she would have quizzed him on his sullen mood. He'd not exactly been what she classified as normal since that _night_, despite her assurances that it was forgotten. She'd taken it upon herself to ignore any weirdness, instead trying to be the supportive friend he required. She felt sorry for him; he, after all was just wallowing over the mysterious girl he'd told her of and she knew how that felt. She may have been a teenager at the time but she could remember that aching feeling in her chest when she and Lucas were yet to get together.

'Of course he's coming...Oh my god Brooke!' She shrieked as her stare landed on the greatly familiar face among the group of people waiting patiently for their loved ones to appear and then she was hurrying toward her best friend, abandoning her wheelie suitcase and swooping the brunette and the young infant at her hip, into her arms.

'Hi best friend!'

'Oh my god I didn't know you'd be here too' She exclaimed into Brooke's shoulder.

'Of course I am, as if I'd miss your great return. Luke is going to be pissed that he missed you coming through the gates- he made a banner and everything'

Peyton laughed and drew back. 'What a dork'

'Uhuh. Don't worry I've teased him relentlessly for the last half hour. He should be back in a sec- Lara was getting antsy, I think the poor kido is thirsty, I left her sodding beaker in the car and he insisted on going to get it, ever the gentleman'

Peyton smiled because that was Lucas, nurturing by nature. 'I can't believe it. She looks so different!' she spewed, her attention on the little one in Brooke's arms. 'You got so big Lara!'

'I know it's crazy' Brooke beamed, happily handing the small girl over to her best friend. 'Oh my god, you have no idea how happy I am you're home P Sawyer, I missed you too much. You're not allowed to leave. Not ever again'

Peyton grinned. 'I missed you too B and I missed you pretty girl' Her voice turned into a sing song as she spoke to the inquisitive child that stared up at her. 'I bet you don't even remember me do you?'

'Oh she does. We look at Aunt Peyton's picture every day don't we?' Brooke stroked her daughter's face affectionately. 'Who is it Lara? Who is this?'

The small child's big eyes rolled from adult to adult.

'Who is it? It's Peyton isn't it?'

'Pey Pey'

'Oh my god did she just...'

Brooke laughed at Peyton's dumbstruck expression. 'I wouldn't feel too privileged, we've been working on your name for a while but lots of things seem to be either Peypey or Mumumum'

As if on cue, the infant began to point her little chubby hand at her surroundings, gibbering _peypeypey_ insistently.

'Has to go and burst my bubble doesn't she. I don't believe her. You know me don't you sweet girl?'

'She knows you alright, we're just still working on the name thing' Brooke assured her, her stare averting behind them at her daughter's frantic wavering hand.

Peyton too followed to see Lucas hurrying toward them and wordlessly returned Lara to Brooke.

She shrieked as she was lifted up not a second later and spun around by an excited Lucas as he reached them. 'Luke!

'I missed it. I missed your arrival' He pouted after pressing three chaste kisses against her awaiting lips.

'You missed nothing' She laughed as he set her back down on the ground 'I'm really excited to see your banner though' She teased, kinking her eyebrow.

He reluctantly unravelled his arms from around her and juggled the items in his hands, dutifully offering out a pink beaker to Lara who eagerly accepted, instantly guzzling on her drink.

'Thank you uncle Luke' Brooke chanted, amusedly watching on as he proceeded to unroll his art work.

Peyton shook her head, unable to stop her lips from curling upward in a smile as she took in his well known script that simply read _Welcome home Peyton Sawyer...I love you _in an array of rainbow colours.

'Wow, that's...'

'You love it' He proudly claimed.

'Yeah I do' She agreed. 'But you're still a dork'

'Uhuh. But a dork you love'

'Yeah, yeah' She leant into his side and planted a kiss on his cheek.

'Okay lovebirds. I think it's time we get outta here before things turn R-rated' Brooke announced playfully.

The mention of departing had Peyton suddenly looking around.

'What's wrong?' Lucas queried, taking hold of her suitcase.

'Derek. He was with me and then I saw Brooke and I kinda got wrapped up in saying hi to her- did you see him?'

'Er no' Brooke shook her head. 'Well I wasn't really looking to be honest, I saw you and then...' She shrugged her shoulders, she too had been too distracted by her friend's arrival to take note of anyone else.

'That's weird'

'You want to call him?' Lucas suggested. 'Maybe he just lost you in the crowd'

'Mm, no. I don't think so. He couldn't have lost me, he was like right next to me, there's no way he couldn't of seen me go to Brooke. I guess he was eager to go and didn't want to interrupt' She presumed with a shake of her head. 'Doesn't matter. I'll text him in the car.' She couldn't find it in herself to deliberate over his disappearing act because she was eager to get home and she was with her most favourite people and he was a big boy, he could look after himself. So she smiled brightly up at Lucas. 'Lets go home'

-X-

'So how does it feel to be back?' Lucas wondered as he watched Peyton halfheartedly empty the contents of her case.

She tossed a crumpled blouse onto the floor, abruptly abandoning her task in favour of crawling up the bed to where he was slouched. 'Pretty wonderful' She admitted with a coy smile. 'I missed you...more than you'll ever know'

'You better had' He answered, his hand affectionately stroking through her hair as she entwined their legs together.

She bit her lip as she looked up at him with big green eyes and he knew that look well; it was her come hither, seductive stare that effortlessly always lured him in.

'I found the last few weeks especially hard' She confided, trailing her hand idly up and down his chest while her foot performed the same flirtatious dance with his lower leg. 'Did you? Find it hard?'

His brow raised as her hand began to descend to his nether region.

'Of course I have' His words were thick as he became overwhelmed by her touch, her smell, her. And it was exactly her tempting presence that had him distracted and speaking mindlessly because he'd had no intention of mentioning _it._ Not tonight, certainly not on her first day back. 'After finding out about the adoption how could I not be worrying about you? I've been driving myself crazy'

Her enticing touch came to an abrupt end and as he met her stare he was quick to realise his foolish mistake. He'd anticipated her evasion of the subject but he quite literally watched her shrink backward.

'I'm sorry' He quickly announced. 'We don't have to talk about it, not tonight' He was eager for her to resume her advances because he'd more than liked where they'd been headed.

She sat up though and he took a few necessary deep breathes because just her light touch had been enough to ignite his desire.

'Peyt-'

'Well you might as well say whatever it is you've rehearsed' She announced shortly. She knew she was being offhand and unreasonable because he was allowed to care but she couldn't seem to help herself. She was exhausted both mentally and physically which was perhaps the fuel to her temperamental mood.

'I know this last year has sucked. I know it's been difficult'

'Do you?'

He bit his tongue as he regarded her sudden sullen expression as she attempted to evade his kind blue eyes. He followed her to sitting, his hand coasting down her back soothingly. 'Yes I do' He answered affirmatively. 'Peyt come on, please don't take this out on me. I wish you would talk to me about how you're feeling? About what you're thinking?'

'Why?' She turned to look at him, her expression bleak. 'What's there to talk about Luke?'

He pushed his tongue to the roof of his mouth and took a second to keep his temper in check and stay calm and understanding. Calm and understanding. 'Do you want to look for your biological parents? Have you thought about that?' He wondered. Because he had, he'd thought of nothing else since he'd found out, he wondered if that would help her through this.

'Why would I want to meet two people that didn't want me?' She shook her head exasperatedly. 'You don't get it'

'Well explain it to me'

'I have no one' She ground out, hands flailing in front of her suddenly. 'All my family are gone. I'm on my own. My biological parents didn't want me, my Mother died when I was just a kid and the one person that had always been there is gone now too. Everyone leaves'

'I'm here'

'For how long Luke?' He wanted to shake some sense into her.

Her eyes were teary and the following words that past her quivering lips were choked. 'Being a-away from you Luke, I, I realised how, how much I n-need you b-but I'm jinxed and I'm terrified you're going to b-be next to l-leave me and then I'll be completely alone. I know I'm not normal. I know I'm being ridiculous, I know I'm being irrational but I can't help it. I don't know who I am anymore'

He scrambled onto his knees. 'You're Peyton Sawyer. You're my girlfriend' He took her trembling hands. 'I know finding out you were adopted has thrown you for a loop Peyt, I know you have questions that are unanswered but god I know they wanted you. Anna and Larry loved you, needed you, wanted you. No they didn't carry you for nine months, no they didn't share your blood but they chose you. Don't you think that's beautiful? And god if they hadn't I would be lost because my world without you in it' He shook his head. 'Incomprehensible'

'I'm all you've known' She contended quietly. 'I'm sure you would of been just fine. You probably would have ended up with Lindsey the editor. Your life would've been perfect'

'That's absurd. I knew you thought I liked Lindsey-'

'You do!'

'As a friend, as my fucking editor, yes. Is she pretty? Sure, she's alright. Is she smart? Yes. Do I love her? No. Do I have any desire to fuck her? No. Want to know why? Because shock horror- I love you'

She looked down.

'Peyton-'

'I don't want to talk about any of this anymore Luke' She eased her hands free and curled up onto her side, her back to him.

He watched her for a moment. Opened and closed his mouth but he didn't speak because he felt like his words were just a waste of time. He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

It wasn't until the mattress rose beside her as he got up that she addressed him.

'Where are you going?' She brusquely sat up.

'I was getting the impression you wanted to be on your own'

'No. Wait, don't go, don't leave me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm being horrible' She bit her lip and tearily looked at him. 'I'm sorry Luke. I, I know you want to help me with this and I, I don't know why I'm finding it such a big deal but I can't seem to stop thinking about it and I want to know, I do, I want to know who they really are, I want to know why they didn't want me. But at the same time I feel guilty for wanting to, I mean Larry and Anna, they're my Mum and Dad and they were perfect and it shouldn't matter'

'They wouldn't mind sweetheart' His expression was sympathetic as he trudged round to her side of the bed and sitting on the edge. 'They wouldn't be upset by you seeking out your birth parents'

'Well why didn't they tell me then? Why didn't I grow up knowing this-'

'Maybe you would of, maybe they had every intention to tell you but then your Mum died and maybe Larry just didn't know how to do that on his own after. Come're' He gathered her into his arms. 'It's alright'

'God. I'm sorry. I've not even been back a day and I'm already crying and being a bitch'

He smiled into her neck. 'I love you even when you're being a bitch'

She tilted her head up from his shoulder and smiled blearily. 'Really? Bitchy works for you huh?' She joked wearily.

'Uhuh' His thumb traced over her flushed cheek. 'How do you feel about picking up where we were headed until your jackass boyfriend went and put his foot in it?'

She locked her hands behind his neck and nodded. 'He wasn't being a jackass. He was being caring' She pulled on him until she was laying on her back with his comforting weight on top of her. 'And he's totally getting laid right now for being ridiculously kind to his mess of a girlfriend'

'Hey, don't be saying shit about my girlfriend. She might be a mess sometimes but she's my mess' He nuzzled his nose against hers.

'She loves him'

'He loves her'

-X-

'Hey looser' Peyton chanted as she waltzed into his new office space. It was strange being back in her familiar work environment having been away because everything was different now. Good different. She was slowly getting what she wanted, that's what it felt like anyway- going to LA, it had been a lot of responsibility and she was praying Knight would continue to bestow her with opportunities without hassling her in return.

'Oh hey'

'Oh hey? That's all you're giving me after the airport? You completely vanished. No goodbye. Nothing' She blurted, her arms crossed and her eyes narrowed defensively.

'Oh yeah. Sorry about that. I got a phone call and then you looked so happy and I was miserable and well...' He trailed off and his sad expression had her suddenly feeling guilty for her brash entrance.

'The mystery girl? I'm sorry Derek' She dropped her hands to her sides and her eyes softened.

'It's fine. I just expected her to be there you know? And she rings me with this lame excuse and I just saw you and well I guess I was jealous by your welcoming reception so I just had to get out of there'

'I get it. It's cool. Really' She wavered her hand dismissively. 'This is swish' She hastily changed the subject, gesturing to the space around them. 'Look at you in your swanky new office' She winked and bowed mockingly. 'Should I be calling you mr boss now?'

He rolled his eyes, crinkling his nose disapprovingly. 'Definitely not. I'm not your boss, you got promoted too'

'Oh I know and I'm over the moon about it but I've not been given this treatment. I think it's safe to say I report to you'

'Rather me than Knight hey?'

'God yes' She beamed. 'It's kind of perfect how things have turned out. I mean I know I still have to see him but it's going to be so much less now and I saw him this morning and he was nothing but polite' She felt like a great weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

'That's great Peyton. I'm really happy. But you have to tell me if he does try anything again, if he so much as looks at you the wrong way-'

'Okay chill, I get it' She cut him off with a laugh.

'So was er, was Lucas okay about...you know?'

Her smile dwindled at his question and her ease was quick to disappear because she knew what he was referring to and in an instant a tight knot formed in her stomach.

'Oh...I've not mentioned it yet...we had a lot of other stuff to talk about over the weekend. I'll tell him tonight' She answered him uneasily.

'I'm sorry. You know it's not like I'd ever tell him, you really don't have-'

'I do. Not telling him makes it mean something. It's fine, the only reason I haven't already is because I wanted to be face to face and I know what he's like, he would of worried even more about me being away from home had I told him while we were still out there.'

'If you think he's going to take it badly I could tell him. I should probably apologise to him at the very least'

'I know you feel bad about it Derek but seriously it's fine, and I appreciate you wanting to help and all but I don't think it would help coming from you. He'll be okay about it but I don't think you're going to be his favourite person... for a while at least' She chewed on the inside of her cheek. The subject at hand had her wanting to run away from Derek; she didn't want there to be any conflict between herself and Lucas and Derek was now in that shady zone because she knew he already had his reservations about her friend and she was certain there'd be no changing his view of the man in question once she shared the insignificant kiss that had happened. She'd already kept the whole adoption thing from him and she didn't think another secret would bode well. With that thought she found herself eagerly making an excuse to leave and seek out someone else's company for the remainder of her lunch break. She only wished she liked her other work colleagues half as much.

-X-

'I'm home!' Lucas announced as he walked into the apartment. It felt unusual to come home to her after her absence and even prior to her trip her long hours had meant him returning home to an empty abode. He only hoped her presence was the start of her working more sensible hours and not simply because it was her first day back.

'What's wrong?' He wondered aloud as he found her in the kitchen, her hair pulled up messily on top of her head, a dish rag draped over her shoulder and bright yellow washing up gloves on her hands.

'Nothing' She smiled at him in greeting, noisily blowing the strand of hair that was floating irritatingly in front of her eyes away.

'Nothing?' Lucas pecked her cheek, helpfully tucking the stubborn curl behind her ear before regarding her knowingly. 'Baby you're cleaning. You don't clean'

She frowned in response. 'Hey I do...sometimes'

'Yeah when you're upset or anxious, when it's the last possible thing you can do to distract yourself' He smirked.

Her pout softened and she walked over to him, slouching against him and ditching the cloth in her hand. 'You know me so well'

'Uhuh. Better than you do' He affectionately kissed her forehead and stroked her back as he looked through the mail on the side. 'So. You going to tell me what's up?'

'I...I've...there's something that's been bothering me. Something that I haven't told you' She mumbled.

His interest peaked and his stare left the electricity bill in his hand to look at her.

'Like the fact that you're adopted?' He kinked his brow teasingly. She didn't smile though and his concern grew 'Did that asshole boss try something today cause I swear-'

'No that's not it. Work was fine. Good even' She hastily informed him.

'O-kay?' He muttered unsurely. 'Well, what is it?'

'Before I tell you, I want you to know that the only reason I've not told you this is because I didn't want to upset you and I wanted to be face to face so you don't freak out-'

'Peyton you're beginning to scare me'

She shook her head and wavered her gloved fingers in front of her. 'There's no need to be scared I just don't want you to misinterpret why I didn't tell you, I don't want you to think I didn't because it means something because that's so not it I just didn't want you to get upset over nothing but I can't not tell you because asides from the whole adoption thing I've never kept anything from you before, I can't keep anything from you and it's driving me crazy'

'Okay just stop. Just tell-'

'Derek kissed me' She blurted over his words, half hoping he wouldn't hear her. But he did. Loud and clear.

His jaw dropped.

'I didn't kiss him. He kissed me and I pulled away, I don't want you to think it was a two way thing cause that so wasn't it. He'd had a few too many-'

'When?' Lucas cut her off.

'What?'

'When did this happen?'

'The weekend after you visited' She muttered quietly, anticipating his anger.

He nodded. 'Of course it did. Of course you're only telling me this now'

'I'm sorry but I wanted to tell you in person! I didn't want you freaking out here and torturing yourself while I was out there with him'

He stood there for a moment. Rigid and despondent.

'Luke?'

And then he walked away.

'Where're you going?' She followed as he made his way to their shared bedroom.

'To change'

'So that's it. You're okay-'

'No. I'm fucking pissed. I hate that guy and I told you he liked you and you laughed at me' He grumbled, throwing open the bedroom door, it bashed into the wall behind.

'He was drunk Luke. It was just the drink and he's been so apologetic, he even wanted to come here and apologise to you'

'Yeah sure he did' He tossed his tie aside and began to unbutton his shirt.

'He did!'

'I don't doubt that he fucking did. He's a crafty fucking bastard, weaselling his way into your life, getting you to trust him. He's trouble Peyton you might not see through it but I do'

'Don't be mean. You're being absurd. He's my friend and I forgave him, so should you'

'Well I won't and I don't want you around him. He's only interested in getting in your pants-'

'Don't be a jerk. He's a good guy' She scorned.

'Yeah? If he's so good why'd he kiss a girl he knows is taken? He's constantly texting you, he sees you more than I fucking do!'

'You're jealous. God Luke it's only been that way for the last few months and that's only because I've been away, I can't help that'

'I don't care, you can't see him' In the moment he didn't care if his outburst seemed irrational to her or unfair. He didn't want her seeing him and his anger had him unable to bite his tongue.

'He's just a friend and you can't tell me to stop seeing him. I won't. I work with him for fuck sake' She was done with the conversation and hastily stalked toward the exit. She'd promised herself she'd stay calm, be understanding, but he was making it difficult.

'Where're you going?'

'Out'

'Out?' He snorted. 'Right, run away. Real mature'

'I'm not running away. I can't talk to you when you're like this.'

He crossed the gap she'd created between them and caught her arm before she disappeared from their room. 'Well I'm sorry for being a little upset that some other guy has had his tongue down my girlfriends throat'

'See! You're being ridiculous, that's not what it was- you think I let it go that far? As soon as I recovered from the shock of it I was pushing away.' She blurted.

That made him happy. Not that it showed.

'Now can you let go of me because I want to leave' She huffed wearily.

'No'

She couldn't help but think how much he looked like a petulant child as he yanked her out of the doorway and pushed her back into the nearest wall.

She gasped in surprise, her startled eyes looking up into his dark stare.

Her brow furrowed and suddenly her anger dissolved and she felt sorry for him.

'Hey' She exhaled heavily. He had her hands pinned to the wall behind her so she tilted her head towards him, pressing her forehead to his. 'Hey'

'First your boss, now him...I just, I can't...'

'It's not the same Luke. A little drunken mistake.' She brushed her nose against his.

'I don't like that guy' He gruffly husked. 'I don't like anything about the way he looks at you'

She kissed the side of his mouth. 'I know' She whispered. 'But he's not into me Luke. He's been moping around for the last few weeks because he's hung up over this girl back here. He really wants to be with her but it's awkward because they're good friends and are worried about ruining what they already have'

He closed his eyes. The prospect of this guy getting a girlfriend was somewhat reassuring.

'Besides, wasn't it you that told me I have no reason to be jealous? You don't either'

'This isn't jealousy Peyton' He disregarded, his hands releasing her wrists. 'Well maybe a little, but it's more about needing to protect you and, and sometimes I feel like it's just, it's out of my control' He expelled, scraping his fingers through his hair.

'It is' She agreed, her freed hands coming up to cup his face. 'You can't control everything Luke'

'But I, I don't, I don't think you understand. Baby if anything ever happened to you..' He shook his head in distress. 'I couldn't...I'd never forgive myself'

'Hey' She pulled his face down to hers, nuzzling her nose against his affectionately. 'Don't you know you save me every day Lucas Scott. And I'm a bitch to you all the time'

'You're not-'

'I can be. I have been, especially lately'

'You've not. You've been through a lot and we're working through it. That's what a relationship is, right?'

She nodded. 'You're right... Nothing is going to happen to me Luke. I promise'


	10. Chapter 10

'He doesn't want you near me does he?' Derek's voice startled her and she jumped back away from the copying machine with wide eyes.

'Shit Derek' She exclaimed. 'You made me jump' Since returning from LA and resuming work she'd been agitated and skittish when it came to being in this building because everyday was becoming more strained. Talking to Derek made her feel guilty. Not talking to Derek made her feel guilty. She didn't win either way and she felt completely disheartened because she'd been hell bent that on her return things were going to be better in every aspect of her life, especially with Lucas but if anything- since she'd unearthed the little incident of herself and Derek, nothing had seemed to be getting better.

'Sorry' His stare was bemused for a moment. He stepped forward and his expression turned sullen as he repeated his statement. 'He's told you you can't have anything to do with me hasn't he?'

'What?' She tucked her hair behind her ear and fumbled with the copier, hastily trying to avoid his demanding eyes.

'Lucas'

'Derek-'

'Don't try to deny it. You've been avoiding me all week. You run by my office, you take your lunch an hour early- you're doing everything you can to assure you don't run into me' He bluntly stated.

'That's not true. You're being paranoid' She dismissed, cursing under her breath as she pressed the wrong button and sheets of paper started firing out of the dreaded machine.

Derek located the cancel button, ceasing the attack.

'Thanks' She muttered in a fluster. 'I hate this fucking thing. Why can't it just print what I'm telling it to?'

'Here' He blindly reached out, effortlessly pressing a few keys and then the machine happily commenced, functioning as she'd so wished and producing the desired documents.

'How do you do that?' She groaned.

'I'm a genius'

'Mm, or I'm just thick'

'Or a technophobe' He teased. 'Which I'm kind of pleased of cause if you're going to be avoiding me at all costs at least I have an excuse to see you at the copier'

'I'm not avoiding you Derek' She whined. 'I'm just, I've just, I've been swamped'

'Uhuh. So Lucas was totally cool about... was he?' He didn't buy it. Not for a second. And her lack of eye contact wasn't exactly convincing him that all was well.

'What?'

'You told him about the er, our little mistake right?'

She sighed because he clearly wasn't getting the hint that she didn't want to talk, especially about _that_. 'Our mistake? Your mistake' She corrected and then felt instantly bad because he didn't deserve that. She was taking her irritation out on him and she was sure that was unjustified. He hadn't meant to, she knew that. It had been accident.

'I'm sorry, I wasn't implying that it had been a mutual thing'

She puffed out a stressed breath and a couple of her curls flew up. 'He was upset. Understandably' She muttered.

'And you're not to see me' He assumed, his tone frustrated.

And in all of a second she was riled. 'He doesn't control what I do okay? He's not like that. I'm not avoiding you I just, he comes first right now okay? I've been really awful to him and I'm trying to make things right'

'Which means not seeing me. Not because he's told you you can't but because you're trying to be a good girlfriend'

'Right'

'That's fucked' He candidly spouted. Her eyes widened because she wasn't use to him being so forthright. 'What?' He shrugged, a slight smirk at his lips. 'It is. And you know it. Deep down you know it. He's controlling you'

'He isn't!' She spewed, her frustration apparent in the way her brow had furrowed. 'I don't care what you think okay? I get that you're like looking out for me or whatever but you don't know enough about mine and Luke's relationship to start making judgements like that, okay? The last thing he is is domineering' She blurted hotly. 'I've got so much shit going round in my head right now, the last thing I need is someone else giving me their input okay? So just, just back off' She finished shrilly, her hand scraping through her hair.

'Peyton' He reached for her but she stepped back away from his hands. 'Come on, I'm sorry ok? I'm just trying to be your friend'

'You are Derek. You are' She nodded with a heavy sigh. 'But I'm asking you to just, give me some space, just for a while okay?'

'I didn't mean to upset you'

'I know- I know, this..it's not your fault and I'm sorry, I am. But it's just Lucas is my priority'

'And I'm getting in the way of that?'

'No!' Her face crumpled. 'Maybe, not intentionally, just- this will all have blown over soon. But right now he has it in his head that you're only interested in trying to fuck me so until he's got this absurd freaking assumption out of his head I just don't want him reading into every single time I've eaten lunch with you or had a drink okay? And I know that's unfair on you but for now I just don't want any other crazy shit coming between me and Luke because the last few months have been hard enough without anything else'

'If what you need is for me to back off then I'll back off' He shrugged. 'I'm not saying I'm alright with it because I'm not. You've become one of my closest friends and it's going to suck but fine, if this is what you need, fine. But know this, when you're ready, I'll still be here waiting to moan at you about our work load or tell you about my latest girl woes' He smiled sadly and just like that he left her and just as he disappeared out of view the dreaded copier machine started spitting out sheets of paper at her and her guilt multiplied tenfold.

-X-

'How was your day?'

She nodded. 'Okay' He raised his brow and she threw her bag down onto the worktop, avoiding his scrutinising stare. 'Go on, say it' She expelled.

'What?'

'You want to know if I had to interact with Derek today' She announced knowingly.

'Did I say that?'

'You didn't have to'

'Well did you?' He wondered aloud.

'Lucas!' She whined. 'How long is this going to go on for?'

'I just don't want you near him, is it really that awful of me to feel that way?' He ventured.

'You've made your feelings more than apparent on the matter. But surely I deserve a little trust?' She begged because she wanted to stop feeling like she was being pulled in five different directions. Understanding, loyalty, guilt, grief, it was a tumultuous combination that had her temperament constantly wavering.

'I trust you! Not him' He barked frustratedly.

'That's such a cliche' She disregarded as she flitted madly around the kitchen and emptied the dishwasher, the cupboard doors clattering loudly in her wake. 'It'll make you really happy to know that I told him to back off today and consequently I feel like shit' She divulged heatedly.

'I didn't ask you to do that' He countered.

'Maybe not directly-'

'Oh come on, don't make out that you had no choice-'

'Well did I?! I don't want to loose you Luke! I don't want to jeopardise our relationship anymore than I already have done in the last few months! I love you and since I got back from LA and told you about...you've been so tense and on edge like you're either working up courage to tell me you want out or you're expecting me to turn around and say I'm leaving you! Well I'm showing you where my loyalties lie aren't I? I've sacrificed a friendship to ensure you're happy'

'I'm not happy. Not if you're not.' He declared. 'Do what you want Peyt' He rose to his feet most abruptly because he didn't want to talk about this anymore. Sure, he was pleased with her announcement but not under these pretences. He wanted her to see what he saw so clearly. He wanted her to have some faith in his judge of character. He was sure there was a time when his opinion meant everything.

'Where're you going?' Her voice sounded shrilly then because he'd not just reassured her, he'd not spouted that of course he didn't want out, that he'd never leave and that made knots form tight in her stomach.

'Out'

'Out where?' She exclaimed.

'Just out'

'Lucas!' She followed, ducking in front of him to get between him and the door and block his path. 'Just stop!'

'Move'

'No!' She snapped. 'I'm trying to talk to you, why are you storming out?' She questioned bewilderedly because they'd argued plenty of times in the course of their relationship but this wasn't usually how it went because if anything Lucas was the one that liked to hang around and battle on through so they could make up. He was all about the resolution.

'I think you've said all that needs to be said. I keep trying to be oh so understanding but it doesn't seem to matter what I say and do, I'm still your awful, overbearing, controlling boyfriend. And I want to leave now before I say things I don't even mean'

'What's wrong with you?'

'What's wrong? Perhaps I'm tired Peyton. Tired of us having the same god damn arguments. Maybe I'm a little pissed off that my girlfriend doesn't take my concerns seriously. Maybe I'm a little pissed off that she doesn't listen to a fucking word I say- if you were convinced that someone I was friends with was no good I'd at least take that on board but you're choosing him over me'

'That's not true, that's completely absurd. Did you not hear what I said about cutting him off' She cried back indignantly.

'Right but not because you wanted to, because I'm the big bad wolf that's given you no other choice' He nodded, disinterestedly. 'Can you move now please?'

'Not until you tell me where you're going. I at least have a right to know where you're going'

'Yeah and I had a right to know about your boss and Derek and your big adoption news and a hundred other things. If you're not going to be honest why should I have to abide by the same rules'

'Lucas!' She shook her head, infuriated. 'I did tell you' She stomped her foot in frustration. She could feel tears gathering in her eyes. She hated arguing with him. She hated the way he was looking at her. 'I'm sorry okay? I don't think you're the bad guy, I just, we don't agree about Derek but we don't agree about a load of things, why does it have to be such a huge deal?'

'We're not talking about The Cure or something here-'

'You don't like The Cure?! You love The Cure!' She blurted and if it were regarding anything else he probably would have broke a smile at that point because they'd veered off topic completely and she looked so horrified. But he couldn't laugh because he was so drained from everything.

'That's irrelevant right now. Can you please move?' He asked for the umpteenth time.

She blinked and focused back on the matter at hand. 'Don't go. I want to talk about this'

His nostrils flared with exasperation. 'I don't want to talk. I'm sick of talking because it's me talking at you and you never listening. I need to go'

'WHERE?' She screeched this time.

She didn't get an answer though. He was done asking her to move now. He effortlessly took a hold of her skinny arms and she instantly reeled back, trying to stay cemented to her spot and not let him past. But he was stronger. Always would be. She usually relished in how effortlessly he could swoop her up but right now she resented his superior strength over her tiny frame and her inability to stop his escape.

'Lucas!' She grappled at him but he was soon out the door and he could hear her kicking it lividly in his departure.

-X-

'I think he might be seeing someone else...that would make sense'

Brooke's brow raised in surprise. 'Lucas?'

'Yes Lucas' Peyton glared tiresomely.

'As in you think he's fucking around behind your back? As in your Lucas?' Brooke reiterated disbelievingly as she scanned Peyton's appearance; she looked paler than usual and the dark shadows beneath her eyes suggested sleep deprivation.

'Brooke! How many fucking Lucas' do we know? Yes my Lucas'

'He's yours'

'Is he? We've been arguing a lot recently over stupid stuff, especially the last few weeks since I got back from LA and it's my fault. All of it. Half the time I think it's because a few weeks before I left he asked me to marry him in the middle of a heated row and since then things haven't been normal. For the past two Friday nights he's been out and not given me a straight answer as to where. And I know he wasn't with you or-'

'Woah back track a minute' Brooke cut off her long winded ramblings. 'Luke proposed?'

'It wasn't like that-'

'Lucas proposed and you think he's having an affair?' She grinned widely.

'Don't smile'

'Can't you hear how ridiculous that sounds?' She laughed openly.

'It's not ridiculous! Don't laugh at me B I'm falling apart here. I'm serious. I think he's finally come to his senses and it's about time..'

Her best friend's serious tone had Brooke biting back her amusement, instead she tried to be sympathetic. 'Peyt where's all this coming from?'

'I'm...I'm not good for him Brooke. He's been there for me all the time. I mean christ I couldn't even make it to his fucking book launch'

'Not your finest hour I'll admit but Peyton you are there. You're always there. He knows that. You've not had an easy time of it- grief makes people act out of character and he loves you'

'It's not just that, he's, he's pissed about me hanging out with Derek'

'Work Derek?'

'Yeah...I...when I was in LA he kind of kissed me'

'Woah' Brooke hit her arm. 'And you're only telling me this now?!'

'Er Ouch!' Peyton rubbed her forearm dramatically. 'It was so one sided okay? I didn't kiss him back, I didn't even fucking see it coming. We'd both had a fair bit to drink and I don't know, one minute he's telling me about this girl he's totally into back here and how he's pissed at her and I guess he was lonely and he just kissed me and I pulled away instantly'

Brooke bit her lip. 'Poor guy'

'Right? But Luke doesn't see it like that. I felt awful. But he was so apologetic Brooke. He sent me flowers everyday for a week'

'Okay backtracking my poor guy comment. Creepy much?'

'He was mortified. We're just friends. But Luke's suddenly got it in his head that Derek's only agenda is to get in my pants' She ranted. 'And so what if it is? I mean I'm a big girl, doesn't he trust me? I can say no for christ sake. And right now, Derek, he's been a really good friend- I didn't have you in LA and he's been a rock at work. I shouldn't have to start blanking him because my boyfriend doesn't like him' She sighed. 'I mean that's not unreasonable right? For me to want to keep a friend in my life?'

'No honey' Brooke agreed. 'Not unreasonable. Maybe Luke's just feeling a little...I don't know...vulnerable. You said he proposed but I'm assuming by the lack of ring on your finger that you didn't exactly jump up and down saying yes?'

Peyton grimaced, scraping her fingers through her hair. 'It wasn't like the average proposal Brooke! I was shouting at him one minute and the next he's announcing we should get married- it's not really the romantic vision I had in mind'

'I thought that's what you wanted...with Luke...marriage?'

'I do!' Peyton quickly exclaimed. 'God of course I do, it's all I want, I just, just not right now and god not as some cheap attempt to keep me in the same state as him. Because that's what it was like. I wanted it to be out of love, not to keep me on a tight leash'

Brooke nodded. 'Oh honey, come here, don't get upset'

'Everything's just...falling apart. That's what it feels like' She slouched into Brooke's open arms, resting her head on the brunettes shoulder. 'I want to make him happy, I do but at the same time I can't do that you know?'

'Honey you make him happy'

'Do I? Since I've been back it's like he wants to spend every waking moment we get together- away from me'

'Oh sweetie, I don't think that's true. I think you're being a little paranoid. You've been arguing and you've got a lot of stuff weighing on your mind and it's stopping you from seeing things clearly' Brooke softly announced.

Peyton nodded, worrying her bottom lip, her brow furrowed pensively. 'Did he tell you?' She eventually murmured.

'Tell me what?'

'That...about...that I...' Her tongue suddenly felt like sandpaper and she regarded Brooke carefully, tried to make out whether her friend was indeed clued up on the secret she'd been carrying around with her.

'What Peyton?'

'I found out...just before Dad died, that I, well...'

'What Peyt? I'm your best friend. Since when don't you tell me things?' She wondered, her expression hurt.

'It's not a big deal but I-I'm, it turns out that I'm actually, well I'm adopted'

Brooke's mouth dropped involuntarily as her friend finally spilled the beans.

'I'm going to take that as no Luke hadn't told you already' Peyton responded to her friend's astounded expression. If she hadn't been so worked up she'd probably even have laughed at the brunette's face. 'I, I didn't tell him. I didn't tell you. I didn't tell anyone. And he found out. He saw my birth certificate in LA. He was upset that I didn't tell him B, and I, I don't know why I didn't. I just, it threw me for a loop you know? And well, saying it out loud, it makes it really real.' She wrung her hands together. 'And I don't know why I'm finding it so freaking hard to deal with all of this. It's not the end of the world. It doesn't even matter but I don't...' She puffed out a heavy breath. 'I can't seem to think straight...I don't know what's wrong with me...' Brooke stared at her, dumbstruck. 'Well aren't you going to say anything?'

'I'm sorry' Brooke blinked repeatedly. 'It, it's just, all of this, it's a lot to take in you know?'

'I know, I bombarded you, I'm sorry'

'No P, never be sorry. I'm glad you're talking to me at long last because you shouldn't be dealing with any of this shit by yourself. I've been wanting to help you and I've not known how and I've not known the half of it have I? Jesus you've just told me enough gossip to last a life time!' Brooke gushed, grabbing Peyton's hand and squeezing her fingers supportively. 'God honey, no wonder you're feeling so stressed' She sympathised. 'There's nothing wrong with you Peyt. Not at all. I think you've been so desperately trying t keep it together but honey, you're making it all worse on yourself. It's okay to be upset, it's okay to loose it a bit. You know?'

And just like that she did loose it. Her bottom lip trembled and as soon as the tears escaped she was sobbing. And she couldn't stop. And Brooke held her and strangely experienced some relief at the sound of her friends distress. Because she'd not seen Peyton fall apart. Not since her father's death, not like this. And her indifference at times had been unnerving.

'I-I just want i-it to a-all go a-away. I-I want m-me and L-Luke to b-be fine'

'Peyton your Dad died, you've found out you were adopted, you've been going through hell at work with a boss that's harassing you, you've had to spend time away from Luke' She relayed softly. 'Honey all of that is bound to put strain on your relationship.'

Peyton whimpered, clinging to the brunette. 'Why a-am I such a m-mess?'

'Sweetie it's going to get better. I know it. You're not going to feel like this all the time. It's going to get easier'

'He-he'll forgive m-me won't he?'

'P Sawyer, Lucas Scott loves you, has done since the first day he set eyes on you'

'Yes' The red eyed blonde sniffled. 'He loves me' She agreed a little nonsensically.

Brooke nodded affirmatively, her eyes narrowed with concern. 'Honey are you sleeping okay?' Peyton's lashes fluttered and she abruptly went about trying to compose herself. 'Maybe you should go to to the Doctors and speak to some-'

'I'm fine' She shook her head and eased herself out of Brooke's arms, pressing her hands against her pounding temple. 'I'm sorry. I should never have come here so late, you probably wanted to just have five minutes peace with Lara in bed and then I come here and blubber at you'

'Don't be silly. You don't have to be sorry. You can come see me anytime, anytime at all, you know that.' She studied Peyton contemplatively. 'Come on, you're staying here tonight. I'm not taking no for an answer'

Peyton chewed on her bottom lip before nodding.

'Come on best friend, lets get ice cream and curl up in bed and watch tv and in approximately two hours when Lara wakes up and refuses to go back to sleep you can help me not loose my sanity. What do you say?'

Peyton slipped her fingers into the outstretched hand and smiled wearily. 'Thanks Brooke'


	11. Chapter 11

'Hey friend'

'Brooke' Lucas forced a smile and rose from the park bench, dotingly stroking the little girls head that sat in the stroller as he pecked the brunettes cheek. 'How are you?'

'We're fine' Brooke nodded, sitting on the bench Lucas had just got up from. 'How are you?' She watched on fondly as he made a fuss of her infant before joining her, a sigh escaping him as he regarded her.

'You know, ok...what was she like?'

'She told me everything' Brooke conceded. 'She's not done that in a while'

Lucas nodded. 'That's good. Good. So, that she's adopted? Derek?'

'Yes. The fact that you proposed too' She added.

He cringed.

'You kept that quiet'

'Not my best moment. We were arguing one minute and I'm pretty sure I even shouted it at her' He confessed. 'It was so stupid. You know all the times I've thought about how I'd do it when the time came and that..' He shook his head. 'That was nothing I'd ever envisioned, nor what she deserved'

Brooke smiled sympathetically. 'You were upset, she was upset, people say and do things they don't mean in the heat of the moment, you know that Luke, so does she'

'But I do mean it' He worriedly declared. 'Does she think I don't want that with her? Marriage? Because I do. She's going to be my wife Brooke. She has to be!'

'I'm pretty certain that's all she wants. It just felt like you were saying it to keep her here'

Lucas scraped his hand through his hair despairingly. 'Well it was said like that because that was my intention! It wasn't that she wanted to go to LA, it was that at no point did she say, you can come with me, please come with me. It just felt like she was running away. I just felt like I was loosing her. I still feel like that! I mean all this huge stuff is going on with her- her boss assaults her and apparently it's no big deal, she finds out she's adopted, none of which she voluntarily tells me. I use to be the first person she'd come running to but suddenly I'm the last!' He complained. 'And then this guy kisses her and she's probably painting me as the ogre in this.._.poor fucking Derek_' He grimaced, eyes flitting to the little girl busily sucking on a teething ring. 'Sorry' He apologised to Brooke regarding his cursing.

'She doesn't understand Luke, not yet thank god' Brooke bemusedly answered his concerned gaze.

'Right...but it won't be long before she's mimicking our every word' He looked up at the sky in thought for a moment. 'I just, I know when a man wants to fuck her' He continued irritatedly, muttering another sorry in the young child's direction before carrying on. 'I'm use to that look- I mean come on, she's beautiful, I've had to put up with that look from the second we started going out and she's always oblivious. And it doesn't usually bother me. You know? Because she's my girl and as soon as I take her hand or put my arm around her people back off, they see that she's taken but this guy...' He shakes his head. 'He knows her, he knows she's in a relationship. It's just...I don't know. Maybe I am going insane. I just, I know he's no good Brooke. I feel it in my gut and that use to be enough for her. She use to care what I thought-'

'She cares Luke- she's trying to keep away from him'

'But she doesn't want to! That's the point. And suddenly I'm the bad guy and Derek's the poor guy' He ranted, taking a hasty breath as he tried to contain his growing anger. 'Do you think I'm being an ass?'

Brooke shook her head. 'I see both sides. You know? She's upset- she feels like you don't trust her but your concerns aren't stupid. I mean, to be honest, sending her flowers everyday for a week because he supposedly, accidentally kissed her- it's a bit creepy'

'He sent her flowers?!' Lucas' eyes expanded.

'Oh shit. You didn't know that?' Brooke's face crumpled.

'See! That's not normal! Sending her them once is one thing but everyday for a week?' He clawed at his hair. 'Why doesn't she see?'

'I don't know. I can see why she'd think you're overreacting because it's her friend, she knows this person, we don't. And when you know someone, it's, it's somehow easier to dismiss things- like if I hit on you right now- would you cut me off? Would you tell Peyton?'

His brow creased with confusion.

'Don't look so panicked!' She smirked at the sheer fear that had transformed his face. 'I'm not about to hit on you Lucas. It's hypothetical. I'm just saying if I were to, I don't think you'd cut me off would you? You'd dismiss it as me being a new mother that hasn't had much sleep lately and who's fretting that she's getting it all wrong and that you were merely there, comforting me and I had a crazy moment. You'd probably avoid telling Peyton and pretend it never happened because it would have meant nothing, right?'

'Er..right' He rubbed his forehead. 'My head is starting to ache'

'I'm just trying to get you to see it from her perspective- that's what you'd think whether it were true or not. You'd not be able to accuse me of trying to sabotage your relationship. Because I'm your friend and you think the best of me'

'But it's not the same. I've known you since we were just kids. You're one of my best friends. You're Peyton's best friend. It's different because I know for a fact you'd never do anything like that! It's different-'

'Only a little' She smiled, wiping the drawl from her daughter's chin. 'You're a dribble baby today Lara bug, are those teeth bothering you?' She pouted down at the youngster and blew a raspberry on the infant's rosy cheek, much to the little girl's delight.

'For the record you're not getting any of this parenting stuff wrong. You're making this whole being a mum thing look so easy' He praised. 'But for god sake don't ever put me in that little hypothetical position'

She laughed. 'Purely hypothetical Lucas. You're Peyton's man and you're right- I'd never turn psycho bitch and sabotage your relationship. She's going to have to watch out for Lara though, this one can't not ogle at you it would seem'

He smiled at that but it soon dwindled as his problems were quick to weigh down on him once more. 'I'm just worried about her'

'Me too' Brooke concurred.

'You are?'

The brunette turned away from her daughter then, her expression serious. 'Of course, she's been through so much. I mean christ it's like a life time of shit has happened to her in the last year- I mean loosing your parent, that's enough to deal with in itself, but the whole boss thing, the adoption, is it any wonder she's not exactly herself?' Brooke expelled. 'A lot of people would seek professional help, you know, see a counsellor or something, to work through that grief. But she's so stubborn, you know that, she's never going to come to us and say, you know what, I'm not coping, my head's all over the place, I might go talk to someone...I think she needs to though. I think she needs to talk to someone that isn't you, or me. I know what she's like, I know she doesn't want to be a burden, you know how stubborn she is, you know how strong she always has to be. But it's not weak to be depressed' Brooke despairingly broadcast her thoughts on the matter.

'You...you think she's like, properly depressed? Like unwell?' Lucas clarified unsurely.

'I don't know Luke...she's not sleeping properly...last night I..she barely stopped crying. I've never seen her quite like that. And then she was forever apologising for crying and it just felt like that's what she's been trying to hide, like she's keeping all of that shit buried and trying to march on as usual but a person can only last so long with that all bubbling beneath the surface'

He took a shuddering breath. 'What do I do? Everything I do seems to be wrong'

Brooke reached out and squeezed his hand then. 'I don't know. I don't want her to feel like we're ganging up on her? You know? She seems a little irrational and paranoid as it is. At one point last night she even started saying she's convinced you're seeing someone else'

'What?'

'I told her it's absurd'

'Why would she even...' He shook his head.

'God knows. She said something about you not telling her where you're going, that you've been out the last two Friday nights?'

He gloomily dropped his head in response. 'Oh'

'Oh?'

'I bought a house' He blurted. Brooke's eyebrows shot up, his admission more than surprising her.

'You bought a house' She repeated.

He warily met her wide eyed stare then.

'As in an actual house?'

'As in three bedrooms, two bathrooms, kitchen, lounge, study, a great garden, white picket fence'

Brooke blinked.

'I-I've been going there, it needs a fair bit of work'

'And she doesn't know...about this house' Brooke concluded.

He shook his head in answer and her face contorted. 'What? Why're you looking like that?'

'You know how she feels about being equal to you when it comes to shit like this Luke-'

'I know, but it's ridiculous. If she were earning more money don't you think she'd not think twice about paying for a house for us? She'd not take no for an answer'

'Maybe but you'd probably not be okay with that would you? You two are exactly the same.'

'I just- when she was away I had a lot of time on my hands. I always thought we'd go back to Tree Hill when we were ready for marriage and a family but I know she doesn't want that- not at the minute anyway, I know she wants to be here and then I saw this place and I just, I saw us there, married, starting a family. And I just thought- she needs a fresh start- I'm trying to get it perfect and when it's finished I was going to take her there and propose...for real'

'Luke all of that' Brooke paused, tentatively taking a breath as she struggled to find the right words. 'That, it's all great. All wonderful and I know without a doubt that she wants all that with you but now. Right now? I feel like she's in a really fragile place and this..' She swallowed, carefully watching his reaction. 'It might send her over the edge. You can't brush all this crap under the rug and marriage and babies aren't going to fix it'

'I know that. I just thought a new place, new start for us, it would be good, that it might show her that our life together has barely started, that we're only just beginning'

Brooke smiled.

'And as I said- there's a lot of work- It won't be ready for sometime'

'Okay' She warily nodded. 'Just do me a favour, next time you're working on this _project_ of yours, think up a convincing excuse and please, please run it by me before you do actually take her there because right now-'

'I get it Brooke. The thought of marrying me right now will have her running for the hills'

'I didn't say that'

'No' He smiled. 'I know.'

-X-

'Hey you'

'Hi'

'What's all this?' He wondered, brow raised as he took in the scene before him.

'I'm making dinner'

'I can see' His eyes scanned the set table before seeking out her busy form. 'I meant what's all this in aid of?'

'Does it have to be in aid of anything? I just thought it would be nice' She shrugged her shoulders.

'It is nice. More than nice' He hurriedly affirmed. 'Can I do anything to help?'

'No, no' She suddenly appeared before him, haphazardly pressing a chaste kiss to his mouth before confiscating the bag slung over his shoulder. 'Sit. I'll get you a drink'

He dazedly did as instructed, sitting at the prepared table but all he could think was yes this was nice, but it was so not them. She was being awkward and it was making him uneasy.

'Here' She reappeared from behind the work surface and bestowed him with a glass of wine.

'Thank you- Peyt?' He grabbed at her hand, halting her from disappearing. He paused, because he didn't want to ask her if everything was okay because he knew she was tired of being asked the same question over and over and yet he didn't need to look at her twice to know that she'd been crying.

'What?' She encouraged.

'I just...' He shook his head. 'You look nice' He settled for instead.

She smiled. 'Nice?'

He let his eyes trail down her then; it wasn't a lie, she did look nice, more than nice. She was wearing his favourite dress, the green bought out the colour of her eyes and it finished just above the knee, allowing him to fully appreciate her lengthy limbs 'Beautiful in fact' He amended.

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. 'Okay'

He smiled back because her cheeks were quick to turn a shade of pink.

'The food is probably burning, you think you can let me go now?' She kinked her brow and he released her hand.

'You are-'

'You've seen me in this a thousand times'

'And you look as hot as you did the first time I saw you in it' He complimented.

'Stop'

He laughed. 'You'd think you'd be use to hearing me tell you how hot you are by now' He noted.

'How was your day?' She changed the subject as she dished up the dinner she'd been preparing since she'd got home.

'Yeah, it was ok. I got a bit of writing done over at the park'

'Oh? That's good'

'Yeah. Brooke popped over with Lara for a bit too actually'

Peyton halted before him, two plates in hand, her eyes narrowed as she looked down at him. 'Well that didn't take long did it?'

'What?'

She heavily set the two dinners down on the table. 'You and Brooke meeting to discuss how I'm loosing the plot'

Lucas watched as she sat down and wasted no time in busying herself with her food, her eyes resolutely on her plate. 'We don't think you're loosing the plot. At no point was that said' He eventually murmured, breaking the uneasy silence.

She nodded indifferently. 'Okay. Aren't you going to eat?'

'Peyton' He reached across the table, stopping her from continuing to push her food around her plate. 'Look at me' Her green eyes reluctantly found his. 'I don't think that'

'Okay-'

'No, don't say okay when you don't mean it. I'm worried about you but I don't think you're going insane! Everything you're feeling, it's, it's all completely understandable. No one thinks you're loosing the plot, we just want...' He licked his lips and searched for the right words. 'I just want you to let me help you' He pleaded. 'I- I don't have the answers, but I know you trying to constantly pretend you're okay when you're not isn't helping'

'I'm not pretending' She muttered, avoiding his stare yet again.

'What is this then?' His hands floundered in front of him. 'You cooking dinner, putting on my favourite dress like you're trying to seduce me into thinking everything is fine'

She dropped her fork onto the plate and it clattered loudly. 'I thought it would be nice. Sorry for trying to do something nice for you, sorry for thinking we could spend the evening just being together. Aren't I allowed to try and fucking seduce you? I thought I had that right as your girlfriend!'

Lucas grimaced as her chair scraped against the floor in her haste to get up.

'Hey' He hurriedly stood, striding after her and stopping her retreating form, his hands snaring her skinny upper arms.

'Let go'

'No. We're talking' He gruffly announced. 'Peyton I'm not stupid! I know you've been crying. And you expect me to just sit here and smile and eat and not acknowledge that?'

'I've not-'

'I know when you've been crying' He cut her off impatiently. 'This is what I'm talking about- why won't you let me in? It's like you think I won't understand. I'm not a complete ass- I've lost people too. It's not easy. I wasn't a bundle of joy when Keith died remember? And even now, all these years later, it's still raw. You know what helped though? You, knowing you were there for me, knowing that I could tell you if I was having a hard day and that you wouldn't judge me, wouldn't tell me how to feel, wouldn't tell me it would get better in time. You were just there, my rock through it all. And I know I can't take the pain away. If I could I would in a heart beat. If I could carry all of this grief on my shoulders for you, I would. But I can't baby, all I can do is be here for you but you won't even let me do that! I mean you put yourself on the opposite side of the country just to avoid me! You don't have to be strong all the time'

'I'm not strong' She screeched back suddenly. 'That's the whole point!'

Her shrill voice had his fingers dropping from her arms.

'I can't make it stop!' Tears sprung to her eyes and Lucas watched on helplessly. 'I don't know what's wrong with me. Why am I fucking crying right now?' She flailed her hands in front of her as she paced the length of the table. 'I know I'm b-being ridiculous'

Lucas strained his ears as he tried to distinguish her words as they became more indecipherable, but distinguishable or not, he got the gist.

'I just can't think straight!' She exclaimed. 'I'm loosing you aren't I? I can feel it. I've lost everything and I-I'm fucking this up too' She bleated, hands flapping wildly between them. 'I'm so stupid. Like a fucking dinner and dress can fix everything I've done to you!' She pushed her prepared meal hard and it toppled off the table top smashing loudly on the floor, making them both jump.

'Jesus Peyt' He scurried to her. 'Are you hurt?' He surveyed the mess on the floor and her splattered legs. 'Are you burnt'

'No. It-it's fine' She blinked down at herself but despite her assurance Lucas turned her around, hurriedly marching her down the hall to the bathroom. 'I'm fine- there's barely anything on me and it wasn't hot' She wearily stated but didn't put up a fight, knew all too well that he wouldn't stop until he was satisfied. He always saved her. And that's what she was perhaps scared of most. Because he always saved her, he was her knight in shining armour. But he couldn't save her from herself. No one could.

'Here, sit on the edge' They were in the bathroom and he patted the bath tub as he fumbled with the taps and shower head.

She gasped as the cool water was soon spraying over her. 'Shit Luke, turn on the freaking warm!' She lurched backward to evade the unpleasant spray and his free hand sprung out to save her from tumbling back onto the hard floor behind.

She screeched because in stopping her from falling he unintentionally angled the shower at her face.

'Lucas!' Shock had her sliding down fully into the tub.

'Sorry, I'm sorry! You were going to fall' He juggled with the shower head and taps, trying to amend the cold water situation. 'Hang on, hang on. Here' He tested the water out before resting it in the bottom of the tub for a moment. 'How's the leg?' He tried not to smile as he regarded her wet form, curls stuck to the side of her face.

'It was fine before! I might have to have it amputated due to hyperthermia' She drawled.

He stifled a laugh.

'Here, take your dress off and I'll run you a proper bath- you'll warm up then' He knowledgeably located the zip at her side and tugged it down before assisting her in pulling the now soaking green fabric over her head. He instantly regretted his move. 'Really?' He groaned as her underwear came into view.

'What?' The pained noise like that of a wounded animal had her regarding him questioningly. 'What's wrong?'

'Is that new?' He tried to avoid looking at her or more precisely the areas of her that were covered in a deep emerald satin.

She glanced down at herself. 'Oh, yeah.'

He abruptly twisted away from her, sloping down to the floor, back resting on the side of the bath and face contorted in distress.

And for a moment she sat still, quietly letting the warm water lap against her legs and a little part of her considered staying put, letting the bath fill and submerge her in its comforting depths. But she couldn't, wouldn't do that. Because the water wasn't as cold as him; his stand offishness regarding the two piece set that donned her, consumed her, heightening her ever growing insecurities.

'Why'd you do that?' She frowned, suddenly rising and clambering from the tub.

His stare swept up her as her feet found purchase on the tiled floor, her hand using his shoulder to steady herself.

'What?'

She turned to face him, one foot stepping over his legs before lowering herself onto his lap, uncaring to the fact that he was still very much dry.

He stiffened, hands flexing against the cool tiles beneath them as her small weight rested against him.

'This' She pried, gesturing to his rigid form. 'Am I that repulsive now?'

'Christ. That's so not it. You and repulsive don't belong in the same universe let alone the same sentence'

'So you're moving away because you want to touch me?' She drawled sarcastically.

He closed his eyes in despair because that was exactly it. 'Exactly!'

She didn't understand. Not one bit. 'You can fucking look at me Luke!'

'I really can't right now' He argued.

'Why not?'

'Because it's too much, I can't- I won't be able to control myself. I can't help myself-'

'You don't need to' She shifted herself closer, her hands locking around his neck.

'Peyton' His voice was deep all of a sudden and his fingers found her hips, trying to keep her at bay. 'Please don't torture me'

'I'm not torturing you. You're torturing yourself' She pressed her forehead to his. 'If you want me, you can have me Luke. Look at me'

He exhaled heavily.

'Look at me' She urged. 'Please'

And his eyes opened under her duress because he couldn't say no to her.

'I want to talk' He professed. 'We were talking-'

'We weren't talking. I think I was screaming and being a psycho'

He swallowed thickly.

'Please don't call yourself that' His brow creased against hers. 'Fuck I- I use to know when you-when you wanted this but I-I'm scared that whenever we've been together lately that you, you're just doing it in an effort to convince me you're ok and god I really don't want-'

'Luke' She cut him off. 'I know I'm all over the place but I swear I-I'm not _that_ manipulative-'

'I wasn't accusing you of being-'

'I'd never have sex with you just to shut you up. Okay? I can't fake that. I don't know how. I'm clearly not that good of a seductress'

He snorted because she didn't even need to try when it came to the art of seduction.

'It's not funny-'

'It really is' He argued, his hands that had been insistently working on keeping her at bay, changed their course of action, jerking her wet form as close as possible. She gasped loudly. 'Can't you feel how much I want you right now?'

She bit her lip and he nearly groaned at the sight because she looked every bit like the seductress she claimed not to be.

'I need you to stop doubting that I want you' His hand sought out her face, brushing over her cheek. 'There's no one but you'

He frowned contemplatively as he absorbed her expression. Despite his words, doubt marred her features, doubt that he wanted her and he didn't understand one bit because he'd never not wanted her and her insecurities were unwarranted as far as he could see. Besides, if his arousal hadn't been obvious to her before it sure as hell was now.

'I hate Brooke' She muttered because she wasn't stupid, she knew her friend had surely divulged all for him to be making such remarks. A wane smile touched his lips.

'Talk to me'

'I just... sometimes...definitely lately...I just feel like I'm loosing you...and I know I've done that. That I-I've let you down, that I've shut you out and you deserve better so much better' She mumbled, looking down and fiddling with the material covering his chest.

'Look at me' He tilted her chin up when she failed to move quick enough for his liking. 'You've not let me down in anyway. You are not loosing me. You hear? Not now. Not ever. I've been feeling like I'm loosing you for months now. We just keep going round in circles. Me worrying. You telling me you're okay. You pushing me away.'

She shook her head, her lips quivering now. 'I'm sorry. I'm sorry I went to LA, I'm sorry I didn't ask you to come. I just, I thought it would be good. I thought the time on my own might help me get my head straight. I thought I might be able to get over whatever this is and then move on you know?'

He smiled sadly. 'Baby it doesn't work like that. You can't put grieving in your diary and set aside a period of time to get it in order. It's more complicated' He stroked her cheek soothingly. 'You need to stop trying to control something you have no control over.'

Her nostrils flared and she swallowed the lump that had formed at the back of her throat.

He rubbed her goose-pimple covered arms. 'Things will get better. I promise you. You can't keep pretending you're okay...it's okay that you're not. Im going to get you through this. Okay?'

She inhaled sharply to stop a sob from passing her quivering lips and then nodded shakily.

'I love you' She breathed suddenly. 'So much. You do know that don't you?'

'I know. I love you too' He smiled sweetly, his hand caressing her cheek. 'Come on lets get you some clothes, you're freezing' He disregarded his desire to do nothing but kiss and touch her and instead tried to ease her off of him.

'No' She bleated. 'No I-I'm fine' She looked into his tentative eyes. 'Show me that I'm yours' She pleaded.

'Peyt-'

Her lips grazed his, swallowing his exhale of her name.

'You said I'm not loosing you. Show me' She encouraged and he wanted to tell her no because her saying that, it was like he was being guilt tripped in to it and as much as he wanted her and despite her assurances that she'd never initiate this unless she wanted to, he still had his doubts. 'I'm yours baby, you're allowed to have me, whenever you want' She breathily declared.

He shuddered because his self control was rapidly dwindling. Her words, together with her body firmly pressed against him and her hand stroking over the notable bulge in his pants weren't a force to be reckoned with.

'Please Luke. I want you. I need y-'

He couldn't hear anymore of her pleas and abruptly pushed her back onto the cold floor, ceasing her begging.

She gasped, her legs scissoring beneath him as he hovered over her.

'You'll never loose me' He grunted, his mouth hastily seeking out hers and her eager murmur of approval was all he needed because he couldn't spend a moment longer analysing this. He'd never intended for this to happen but he was lost to it; his eyes were dark, a feral desire governing his thoughts. He didn't know how to make her better, to fix whatever _this_ was but he did know how to make her feel good and he was hellbent on doing so because for at least a little while he could take away that pain and anguish that she was carrying on her shoulders and for a little while it could be just them and that's all he ever wanted, all he'd ever want; Just them, just her.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N **I know it's been a while and just wanted to say sorry to anyone that was following this story. So basically my computer died and along with it this story- I lost everything I'd written so far which was a lot. So for a while I just lost the mojo I guess!- I'm not entirely sure it's back completely and keep getting angry because I can remember snippets of stuff I'd been pleased with and I have to rewrite it and it never seems as good! Anyway..I'm sort of back and trying!

'You're up late. Are you feeling okay?' He stopped buttering his toast and squinted up at her, his head tilting a little as his stare trailed down her lengthy pins. He quickly looked away before his already lewd thoughts had him doing things he really shouldn't.

'Yeah. I'm just not going in today. I asked to take a few days off' She shrugged a shoulder. 'I'm due some days for all the overtime I've done recently anyway-'

'Yes. Definitely' Lucas agreed, surprise governing his gaze to avert back to her. Because he didn't understand where that had come from.

'I'm not going to be distracting you from writing am I?' She wondered cautiously, misunderstanding his perplexed stare.

'No, no' he tried to disguise his wide smile. 'I love having you here with me. Take as much time as you want, it-it's a good idea' He wanted to scream hallelujah! He'd only been wanting her to do this for the last several months.

She nodded once, her fingers twiddling her hair pensively.

'You could take more than a few days, you could take a few weeks' He pushed.

She frowned but her lips were half smiling. 'We'll see'

'They have to let you take that time Peyt. You barely took any time off when your Dad died'

'I know' She hesitated for a second and then hurriedly walked over to where he was sat, sitting herself on his lap. 'I'll just see. Okay?' She linked her hands around his neck. 'Is that alright?'

'Whatever you want baby' He let his arms snake around her and this morning he somehow felt closer to her than he had in months. Her decision to forgo work felt like a huge accomplishment and had him excited that they were taking a step in the right direction.

Her eyes flittered away to his plate before mischievously returning to his questioning stare, her hand blindly retrieving his slice of toast.

'Miss Sawyer' He reprimanded.

'You said whatever I want' She smiled sweetly before taking a bite.

'Hey!' He whined, trying to confiscate his breakfast back.

She held it out behind her, away from his reaching hand. 'You're meant to share Luke-'

'You're not though!'

'Well I need the energy. Someone wore me out last night'

'Oh really?' He'd been irritated with himself since he'd woken up, irritated that he'd let that happen. He'd never, ever felt irritated after sleeping with Peyton Sawyer. How could he be? But somehow, with the way she'd been lately, he'd not been convinced that she was thinking as herself and he couldn't bear the thought of that part of their relationship being tarnished in anyway. But now. With her sat on his lap, his irritation had faded. He was comforted by her decision because her decision had surely been reached after their conversation and the fact that she was seemingly listening to his opinion once more made him relax. Made him forget about all his fears and worries.

She nodded demurely.

'You know I do share actually' He suddenly enlightened her. 'This is _mine _I believe' He tugged at the t-shirt that draped her body, finishing just below her thighs.

'Yeah' She agreed, shifting herself away from his touchy hands. She took another bite of his toast as she stood up. 'But you always say it looks better on me'

'Uhuh...' He watched her through narrowed eyes as she pushed his plate back and twisted herself to perch on the edge of the table.

'What're you doing?' His brow kinked, a look of amusement on his face.

'What does it look like?' She shifted back on the table top, biting her lip as she regarded him.

And his mouth became more than dry as she spread her legs just ever so slightly to reveal her lack of underwear. He groaned audibly. It was just a flash. Just a tease and then she was crossing her legs elegantly.

'Christ Peyton'

'Are you complaining?'

'Not at all' He shook his head and stood abruptly, standing and unhooking her silky legs 'God you're so hot' She smirked.

'Good answer'

His concerns regarding them doing this had floated away because this was Peyton. His Peyton. She'd been missing but he could see that sparkle in her eye and that was a bigger thrill than anything.

'Peyton you're sat on our kitchen table in nothing but _my _t-shirt' He was stood between her welcoming legs now and reached for her face. 'How is there any other answer' He confiscated the piece of remaining toast that was still in hand and tossed it carelessly behind him and the he grabbed her face. Kissed her and she kissed him back, his enthusiasm dulling the recent, incessant voice that had been sounding in her head regarding his desire, or lack there of for her. Because he wanted her. He definitely wanted her.

-X-

Brooke couldn't stop herself from staring, she couldn't tear her eyes away. She was sure she looked ridiculous, sure her wide eyes and perplexed expression were terrifying passerbys. But she couldn't reign it in because they'd been here for the most part of the day and things were just...weird.

She'd spoken to both blondes throughout the week so far. Both sounded upbeat and Lucas had announced that he thought she was doing better but now, now that she was confronted with them both she wasn't so sure about his initial view.

When she'd suggested they meet for a picnic in the park she'd not really envisioned watching her friends make out...they were all over each other. And she didn't get it because this was never them. Never. Not when they were kids, not now, not ever. They'd never been one of those touchy couples, well not in front of others and while sober. Which led her to wonder if they'd been on some early morning bar crawl on route here.

At one point she found her hand latching down over her young daughter's eyes, despite Lara being unable to care and oblivious to the two adults across the field. But Brooke did care because this was her precious little baby and she wanted to protect her and keep her innocent for as long as possible and that meant not watching her best friend grope her boyfriend up against a tree.

Lucas cleared his throat as he lowered himself onto the picnic blanket sometime later, his cheeks flushed.

'Let me steal the bubba' Peyton chanted, lifting the excitable infant up and swinging her round.

'Course- but I wouldn't do that too much she just ate!' Brooke continued to watch Peyton with her precious cargo for a lingering moment. The curly haired blonde laughed as Lara giggled delightedly at Peyton's antics.

'Hey' Lucas interrupted her watchful gaze.

'Hey' Brooke nodded.

'She won't break her. I promise'

'No. I know. I trust her more than anyone Luke. That's not what I'm doing. I'm not being the crazy overprotective Mum right now'

'No?'

'No. More like the crazy protective best friend' She admitted.

'What does that mean?' He wondered.

Brooke paused and opened and closed her mouth before eventually murmuring; 'She seems happy today'

'Mm. Really happy' Lucas confirmed, regarding his friend from the corner of his eye. He waited patiently. He knew she wasn't going to let their performance pass by without comment.

'So she's, that was...she's...'

'All over me?' Lucas finished, eager to stop the brunette's struggle for words.

'Well yeah' Brooke tilted her head to the side and smiled at him as she spoke but nothing could disguise her serious eyes. 'In a disturbing way'

'Your face is disturbing me right now' He quipped back, squinting at her bazaar expression.

'I don't want her thinking we're talking about her right now' Her smile didn't let up.

'Well your face doesn't say we're having a casual conversation right now. It says you're on the verge of a psychotic episode'

Brooke rolled her eyes and scowled.

'Better' Lucas smirked. 'Much more convincing'

She swatted at him in annoyance. 'Lucas'

'I'm sorry, I'm sorry' He chuckled. 'Subtlety isn't really your forte though. Let's be honest' He shrugged a shoulder and passed her a beer. 'Here'

She snatched the bottle and took a hasty swig. 'You're far too happy right now' She grumbled.

'Why wouldn't I be happy? It's a lovely, sunny afternoon. I'm with my favourite people-'

'Yeah, yeah. Nothing to do with your touchy other half at all right?'

'Of course not. If you must know I think she's doing better. It's not just today, she's seemed brighter the last few days'

'All over you you mean' Brooke deciphered. 'In an unnatural way'

'What's unnatural about being affectionate with the love of your life?'

She shook her head. 'She's not into PDA, not like that. You know that. Jesus you may as well of just been fucking her up against a tree in a family park, in broad day light! There are kids around. I'm around! I think I've been traumatised for life' She crossed her arms for dramatic effect. 'You're such a guy sometimes. She pays _you_ a load of attention and suddenly you think everything is fixed-'

'I know nothing is fixed. I didn't say she's completely better did I? I just said she seems better, her having time off work seems to be doing her the world of good'

'Or you the world of good' Brooke snorted. 'She's just putting all the attention on you so she doesn't have to deal'

'You think she's trying to fuck me into thinking everything's fine?' He wondered, his jest on the subject most definitely gone.

Brooke cringed at his words. 'She's not that scheming Luke. I mean she's smart but she's never been one for feigning that shit, you know? This isn't about you. I think she's trying to occupy herself so she doesn't have to face up to anything. It's just another defence mechanism and probably a subconscious thing'

'Right, because it couldn't possibly have anything to do with how irresistible I am'

'Definitely not' She nudged her elbow into his a moment later. 'I'm not trying to be a bitch'

'I know' He exhaled heavily. 'Fuck. I just don't know how to deal with this shit. I mean- I told her no..at the end of last week, I said I wanted to talk and ...but I'm only human Brooke. When she's standing there, in this new...' He shook his head and she watched his eyes turn a darker shade of blue 'underwear and looking at me like that, begging me to have her, begging me to-'

'Alright, alright. You've painted the picture wonderfully' Brooke cut off, her hand in the air to halt his proceedings.

'Has motherhood turned Brooke Davis into a prude? That's something I never foresaw happening!'

'It's no shocker that P Sawyer is actually kinda private when it comes to your sex life and sure we talk but there's this invisible line- she's like my sister. I know I tease you both and like to gossip but I'm not especially into hearing about the finer details of what you do with her behind closed doors' She disclosed. 'Well, not from you anyway' She taunted.

'I barely said anything! Besides, you're the one that bought this all up'

'Mm...' She grumbled. 'I'm just saying. You might be enjoying this episode of her being all smiles and "Miss I can't get enough of you" but I'm anticipating the low.'

Lucas' eyes skittered to the girl in question, seemingly carefree as she held Lara's small hands and walked the small toddling infant across the grassy park.

'I dunno Brooke. I'm trying to be positive. I was worried last week but she's seemed more of herself in the last few days ' She raised her brow in disagreement. 'We've been talking for hours about nothing. Laughing. We've not done that in so long. But hey, if you have another perspective then don't be shy Miss psychologist?'

'I don't have the answers'

'But you're sure good at pointing out the problems' Lucas exhaled heavily.

'I'm sorry. I just, maybe you shouldn't encourage her-'

'What and make her feel like I don't fucking want her in that way? Newsflash, I want her. I always want her'

'I know, I know' Brooke held her hands up. 'God I know' She bemusedly answered.

'Have you seen her? I mean look at her. She's just so...'

'Hot. I get it Luke. Gees I feel like you're going to start drawling in a minute' She shook her head. 'God I hope I find someone that worships me like you do her'

Lucas reluctantly tore his stare away from Peyton and looked at Brooke. 'You will Brooke and when you do, do the guy a favour and don't ever push him away, however hard things get' He advised.

'Well she's certainly not pushing you away right now'

'No. But as you said, maybe I'm kidding myself in thinking everything is hunky dory. As much as I'd rather not admit it- this isn't normal. I mean, I think we've always had a healthy sex life but this is constant. I mean any second I'm alone-'

'Or not alone' Brooke raised her brow. 'You know your smirk doesn't really correspond with what you're saying!'

He shook his head sheepishly. 'I know. I can't help it. I was kinda hoping you'd just suggest she was turning into a sex addict and I think I could deal with that'

'Total Guy' Brooke commented with a little whack. 'I'm just worried Luke, I mean maybe it's fine. Maybe she's doing better. Maybe I'm just looking at things that aren't there. She just seems extra happy but maybe it just seems weird because she's not exactly been happy in a while'

Lucas chewed on the inside of his cheek and pondered Brooke's words for a moment. 'Last week I was thinking of making her a Doctor's appointment, maybe I still should. I know she's still got all this grief inside of her.'

'That's going to go down well'

'I know. But what am I meant to do? I've spent the last few days telling myself we've turned a corner and seeing you, you're just commenting on things that I keep dismissing. I might be enjoying having her back but I've not got her back have I? Not really'

'I think it would be a good idea if you can get her to go, just to get some advice if nothing more. Do you want me to be there. When you tell her?'

'I think that might feel a bit like she's being ganged up on. Maybe just be on call? She'll probably be all over you instead.' Brooke kinked her brow and he smiled coyly. 'Maybe the vision of that will get me through'

'Ew. Don't you dare include me in any of your depraved little fantasies Lucas Scott'

He chuckled. "I'm kidding. I'm kidding'

'What're you kidding about?' Peyton suddenly chimed, appearing with Lara on her hip.

They both startled at her sudden appearance. 'Lucas wants you and me to make out' Brooke spurted.

Peyton's eyebrows raised. 'Is that so?'

'She was berating me for our little display over there' Lucas explained. 'I thinks she's jealous so I said I wasn't apposed to you two' His fingers wavered together before him. 'You know'

Peyton shook her head, a smile at her lips but a rosy tint was quick to make it's way up her cheeks. 'Sorry' She timidly regarded Brooke. 'I dunno what I was...it was weird'

Brooke laughed. 'Honey I've walked in on you with your panties round your ankles and you claiming Lucas was just showing you how to use the washing machine. I think you're passed being embarrassed at how much of your delightful relationship I've seen!'

Peyton's eyes widened. 'Oh god, I knew you didn't buy that'

'I'm just teasing' She turned her attention to her daughter. 'Wasn't I Lara? They're so silly aren't they?'

The little girl beamed, chubby arms reaching for her expressive mother and Peyton obliged, handing her over to the smiling brunette.

'Have you been walking with slutty Aunt Peyton? You're so clever'

'Brooke!' Peyton exclaimed. 'Don't call me that in front of her! And I'm not! Tell her Luke'

'Just call em' like I see em' P Sawyer!'

-X-

'Is that something you fantasise about?'

'Huh?' Lucas looked down. She was cuddled into his side.

'Me with Brooke?' She reached for the tv remote on the side of the sofa and muted the old black and white film that was playing.

'No. I was just joking around earlier Peyt'

'I know you were but..you've been with her and you've been with me-'

'Me and Brooke, we were only ever friends really. I didn't think I could have you and she was craving a normal relationship and we were young and it's in the past-'

'I know all that. It was forever ago. I know you're not into her' Peyton cut off his rambling. 'I know that's in the past. I'm not asking if you fancy her. I'm just asking if the idea of me with her turns you on?'

'Why? You going to go and set up a little performance for me' He wriggled his eyebrows comically.

She shrugged a shoulder. 'Maybe'

He snorted on his beer and then he was laughing.

'What's so funny?'

'You. Brooke would never be up for that babe'

'I could persuade her. I've done shit for her before'

Lucas' blue eyes darkened. 'What does that mean?'

She smirked. 'Your face right now. It does turn you on!' She decided.

'Hey, backup. What have you done for Brooke?'

'We've kissed before'

'Since when?' He gawped because he didn't know how he didn't know this piece of information.

'High school. College. A couple of years ago'

'You've cheated on me?!' He exclaimed.

'It's not cheating is it?' She dismissed.

'Er. I think it is and more importantly where was I?!'

'So it would have been okay if you'd been present?!'

'Definitely. Is that what you do every time you go out on your little girly nights out?' She bit her lip and he was soon placing his beer on the coffee table and pushing her back on the sofa to pinch her sides. 'Peyton Sawyer!'

'Stop it, stop it' She shrieked with laughter.

'Fuck you're going to be the death of me' He groaned, dropping his head into her neck and ceasing his attack.

'Aw baby' She cooed, stroking her hand through his hair. 'You're still my number one'

'I better be' He gruffly muttered raising his head and looking down at her through squinting eyes. 'Are you just messing with me? Have you seriously...?'

'Not messing. Are you worried that I'm coming out to you right now?' She widened her eyes dramatically.

'Definitely not concerned about that' He laughed and let his weight completely rest against her.

'Why not?! I totally could be'

'Er. No. No you couldn't' He grinned.

'Why're you so certain?'

'Because!' He gripped her hips and slowly rocked against her. 'I can do this to you' Her eyes fluttered and he kissed her chin as she tilted her head back. 'I see the way you look at me Peyton Sawyer'

'You don't know how I look at Brooke behind closed doors' She toyed breathily.

He stopped with his ministrations and surveyed her face. 'Does...when you've kissed her does it like... does it turn you on?' He wondered suddenly and she couldn't tell if he was playing along with her or if he was actually becoming concerned over her taunting.

'We've made out three times Luke. And every time it was a grand scheme of hers to get some guys attention' She relented. 'I wouldn't say it turns me on, but she's my best friend. I love her. In a non sexual kind of way...it's just nice...but blah...you know?' She screwed her face up as she listened to the nonsensical words leave her mouth. 'That makes zero sense doesn't it?'

'Actually it does. I get it' He smiled. 'I don't get why you've never said anything?'

'Because it's not a big deal. Well, if I'd known it would get you so hot and bothered I might have indulged you.'

'Mm. You shouldn't indulge me, you should invite me!'

'Oh, so it's not cheating now?'

'Not if I'm supervising' He smirked.

'I would do that for you' She watched her fingers stroke over his cheek, the joking lilt in her voice gone and he shifted a little down her so as not completely suffocate her with his weight.

'You'd do what?' He rested his chin on her upper stomach and her fingers trailed through his hair.

'If you like have fantasies like...just if there's shit that you've never told me that you want me to do I..I'd do it. I'd do anything for you- I'd be with girls, I don't just mean making out I-'

'Peyton' He reached for her fiddling hands and bought them down to her stomach. 'Hey look at me' Her eyes nervously found his. 'I wasn't serious. We're just joking'

'Right...but if you weren't-'

'I was joking. That wouldn't turn me on'

'No?'

'No' He rolled his head from side to side. 'I think I'm pretty good at hiding how insanely jealous I can get sometimes. Even if I saw you kissing a girl I think I'd have to drag you away'

'So watching me with another guy wouldn't do it for you either?'

He grimaced and frowned. 'No it fucking wouldn't. What is this?'

'What? I just wanted to know if you have any secret fantasies that you think I won't approve of because I'd do anything you wanted'

'You'd sleep with someone else if I wanted you too?'

'Yes. If you wanted me too'

'Even if you didn't want to?'

'Yes'

'Peyton' He scraped his hand through his hair and abruptly sat up.

'Where're you going?'

'I..I don't know what's happening right now but I don't like this conversation'

She scrambled up onto her knees and shuffled to where he now sat hunched over at the end of the sofa. 'I'm sorry. I was just saying-'

'I get what you're saying but you don't mean that. You're not someone that would ever do anything that they didn't want to-'

'For you-'

'No. Not for me. Because I respect you too much to ever make or want you to do anything that you wouldn't want to. You think I could ever be turned on by watching you do something you didn't want to?'

'Luke, you're making this so serious! I'm just playing. You were laughing a minute ago! So you're not into anything kinky. Just straight up me. That's absolutely fine- I've got that down'

He pinched the bridge of his nose and only looked up when he felt her pawing hands on his shoulders and her legs going over his.

'Peyton' He blinked on adjusting his stare because somewhere in the last few moments she'd ridded herself of her shirt. 'Peyton come on' She kissed his neck. 'What're you doing?'

'What does it look like? Giving you straight up me. Her fingers urged his hands to her chest and then he was pulling away.

'Just. Just cool it a second'

'Cool it' She repeated.

'I just mean I- I need a second' He fumbled for the right words.

'I get it' She pushed herself up and off of him.

'No. No you don't' He cried exasperatedly, rising to his feet after her. 'Don't storm off because I don't want to have sex. I just want to talk right now-'

'You were into it a minute ago'

'Yeah, before you started talking a load of confusing shit'

'Confusing? I was just asking if you had any fantasies Lucas' She riled back. 'You know most guys would appreciate their girlfriend taking a fucking interest in their desires'

'My desire is for you to be okay!'

She crossed her arms. 'I'm just fine'

'No. You you're not. I booked an appointment today. I booked you an appointment' He bleated out. Her eyes transcended a deadly green.

'What do you mean you've booked me an appointment?' She snatched her shirt up from the sofa and angrily pulled it back over her head.

'I told you last week that I was going to get you through all this and I am. So, I think we need to start by just going to the Doctors so I've booked you an appointment' He answered calmly.

'Why? Why would you do that?'

'Because! I know you're not going to do it yourself'

'And so what? That's my choice. Everything's been fine for the last week. Why would you ruin it by bringing all this up?'

'I don't want to ruin anything and I'm really, really pleased that you've been happier baby but it- it's like you've gone to the extreme...'

'I'm too happy now?!' She exclaimed. 'You know I'm starting to feel like you'd actually like there to be something wrong with me'

'That is not true. Okay? Not at all. Can't you just humour me?'

'Have you not had a good week?'

'What? Yes, of course I have. Look this isn't about this week. Baby I'm worried about you-'

'Why?! I'm fine. How is going behind my back going to help?-'

'I just want you to be okay'

'I am okay. At least I was until five minutes ago'

'I feel like you're not being honest with me or yourself and maybe you'll be able to be more honest with a doctor. So you're going'

'I'm going?'

'Yes'

'You don't get to tell me what to do'

'I do when it comes to your well being. I love you! Can't you just do this for me if not yourself?'

'I'm feeling better Luke. I am!'

'You've been all over me'

'Oh I'm sorry?' She spat.

'I'm not complaining. I just feel like you're trying to distract yourself'

'So now we're having too much sex? Seriously? You think there's something wrong with me? What's wrong with you?'

'Nothings wrong. I'm not complaining about that...it, it's just a little out of character'

'So I wasn't meeting your sexual needs before. Is that it?'

'Did I say that?' He cried in frustration. 'You're perfect. I have never been unsatisfied when it comes to that Peyt. Ever. You know that. But you've barely kept your hands off me this week and maybe you can't see it but it just feels a bit like you're trying to distract yourself...maybe' He gripped her upper arms. 'Baby please, I'm not trying to attack you'

'Then stop having a fucking go at me. Nothing I do is right. I can't even have sex with you now without it being wrong'

He cupped her face and smiled wearily. 'Believe me you're completely skilled when it comes to sex. Okay? I just...I've spent the first half of this week feeling like you were feeling better but now I-I don't know...'

'You don't know? Well why don't you write a fucking handbook on how I'm meant to behave if I'm not meeting your fucking high standards' She barked. 'Maybe then I can understand what the hell it is you want from me!'

'Peyton' He sighed. 'Please'

'No. This is bullshit and you know it. Next you're going to have me sectioned or something!'

'Now you're being ridiculous!'

'Am I?! I'm meant to be able to trust you! You're meant to be on my side!-'

'I am on your side-'

'It really feels that way' She droned sarcastically. 'You're telling me I _have_ to go to the doctors, you're telling me there's something wrong with me- what about that implies that you're on my side?!'

'I'm not being paranoid Peyt, I'm not alone in thinking you might need to talk to someone-'

'Oh let me guess, you and Brooke have had a discussion about this. Is this like an intervention? Are there people waiting to storm in and take me away-'

'Peyton' He shook his head. 'Of course not. I know you're scared, okay? And I'm so sorry, I'm sorry that you feel like you're being ganged up and this wasn't the right moment to bring this up, I get that but you've said yourself you don't know what's wrong with you-'

'I said that a week ago. I'm fine now!- I don't understand!- This is all about the sex thing isn't it? Because I just asked-'

'It's not about that. I just realised Brooke is right'

'Brooke is right? Right. Super. So my best friend is filling my boyfriend's head with crap- you were completely fine the other day and since we've seen her you think there's something wrong with me again?'

'Don't be mad at Brooke. She's done nothing but care about you!' He vented angrily, apprehension building in his stomach because he'd accidentally just thrown the brunette under the bus. 'She just pointed out that you've gone from being very low to super high and it, it's all coincided with that conversation we had' His hands wavered in front of him as he spoke quickly, trying to get the words out before she stomped off as he was anticipating. 'You wanting to take time off work- I thought that was a good sign but then you... Maybe, even if you don't realise it, on some subconscious level you're like trying to distract yourself with sex'

'This is ridiculous. So because I haven't spent the week fucking crying, because I've spent the week wanting to spend some quality time with you because we've not done that in a million years, suddenly I'm completely unstable! Did it not occur to you that I just want to be with you!- That without having to deal with all that work crap I can concentrate on you! What is wrong with that Lucas? Please enlighten me'

'Okay. Okay' He held his hands up. 'Why don't we make a compromise? You don't have to go to the Doctors' His hands cupped her shoulders, gently reeling her rigid form toward him. 'But if, if in two weeks time I feel like you're not okay then I'm making an appointment and we'll go together, Okay?'

'No' She disagreed. 'Not okay'

'Why are you fighting this so badly? You admitted last Sunday that you weren't feeling yourself. You said that. Can't you just do it for me, to put my mind at rest?'

'I was emotional! You say shit you don't mean when your emotional. Your mind? What about mine? I'm not taking fucking tablets Luke, I'm not being put on medication. I'm not'

'No one has said anything about that. No one is forcing you to do that and I'm not keen on that either. Baby, I'm just saying lets go, get some advice. They might talk about you taking something but you don't have to. You don't have to do anything you don't want to but at the same time you'd take antibiotics if you needed them and this isn't really any different-'

'I haven't got the flu Luke' She cried exasperatedly.

'No. But you've spent this week laughing and being all over me and I've, I've loved every second. I let myself get wrapped up in it, I let myself think you were feeling better but you're not...Are you?'

And then she was crying. It happened so quickly. The angry girl in front of him evaporated.

And she couldn't stop.

And he felt stupid. He felt ridiculously stupid. Because he should have known. But as Brooke had pointed out- he'd been a total guy.

'Baby' He hurriedly took her in his arms and she fort his embrace- hands pushing, arms straining but she soon gave up her escape and he sunk to the ground with her. 'I'm sorry. I'm so sorry' He didn't know exactly what he was apologising for. For not seeing. For spending the week pretending with her. Sorry that she was suffering. That he didn't know how to make it better. That he wanted her to see a professional. All of it. 'It's going to be okay' And he didn't know he was telling that to her or himself. But god did they both need to hear it.


End file.
